How Candice Bergen Changed My Life

 

In a recent interview, actress Candice Bergen spoke about how her beauty, and the way others react to it, challenged her self-development, as no one seemed to care much about what she thought or her opinions. They were too bedazzled by her face.

I can relate! Candice was one year ahead of me at the all-girls high school we both attended, and believe me, even then her beauty “dazzled.” She was beautiful at an age where others were gawky, pimply, and graceless. She carried herself with a poise and maturity that eluded the rest of us, even when we tried to cultivate it by walking in circles with books on our heads. To top it off, Candice was designated our “May Queen” for the school’s traditional spring fete, the envy of all.

It never occurred to me to look beyond Candice’s beauty to who was home inside. I assumed that she must be everything I wasn’t and longed to be: witty, poised, gracious, etc. I certainly never thought she lacked for any personal or social quality.

Which got me to thinking: in this strange year of political divisiveness and COVID “to mask or not to mask, vaccinate or not to vaccinate,” how often have I looked beyond whatever opposing view someone holds, to the human heart and mind that lies within them? Like, hardly ever! It shames me to say that, for I know better. Yet, like everyone else, I can be – and have been – blinded by a contrary opinion. That has got to change.

For how can we ever achieve peace, the ability to negotiate and find solutions agreeable for most of us, if we get stuck on one aspect of a person? Candice’s beauty is just one aspect of her whole person. My political stance – your political stance – is just one aspect of our whole selves. The same is true of our gender preference, our religious preference, dietary choices, and on and on.

So, perhaps in this New Year, we can do our best to see, really see, the whole person who stands before us, and not dismiss/devalue them based on one or two aspects that we don’t appreciate. I, for one, thank Candice for this profound lesson, and look forward to seeing others through different, more compassionate and understanding eyes in 2021.

Break the Self-Pity Habit

Ever get the feeling that the whole world is against you? It seems that all you can do is be miserable and feel sorry for yourself? Well, in this podcast you’ll discover how to kick the self-pity habit and take back your power!

 

Check out this latest episode!

Coping With Anxiety - Episode 11

There’s garden-variety anxiety, and then there’s panic attacks. Heart-thudding, breath-catching, mind-racing panic that comes out of nowhere. In this podcast, you’ll explore what panic attacks can be about, and some ways to deal with panic so it doesn’t ruin your life.

Check out this latest episode!

Cinderella’s Shoes

Ever wonder why, when you try so hard to fit in a certain job or relationship, it just doesn’t work? Like there must be something wrong with you? In this podcast, we’ll explore how to get past your “what’s wrong with me?” and into healthy self-respect.

Check out this latest episode!

A Unique Holiday Gift – Cute Critter Viewing!

 

Just when you thought things were going to get better, the pandemic surged, causing yet again a slew of restrictions right in time for the Holidays. No, really?! It feels like 2020 can’t find its joy, not even a tiny sparkle of happiness, nothing to light up the Holidays. No family get-togethers, endless Zoom encounters, restless/moody children and no weekend escapes somewhere maskless and free. 

Which leaves many of us depressed, lonely, getting crankier by the day, and wondering if we shouldn’t just nix the Holidays and pull a Rip Van Winkle until some time next year.

So go look at a collection of cute animals on the web. Truly! I don’t care whether you’re a sappy sentimental sort or a macho man/woman who wouldn’t dream of a moment of soft-furry-cuddle imaginings. Go look at an assortment of cute animals. Recent research out of the University of Leeds in the United Kingdom, in partnership with Western Australia Tourism, has shown that watching 30 minutes worth of pictures and videos of cute animals has tremendous positive impact on our health and mental well-being. You don’t even have to own a pet or befriend one “live.” The virtual version works just fine. Who would have thought it possible? 

All this time you thought those cute animal pics and Internet videos were for children and bored web surfers. Not. They’re for you! Viewing them actually reduces your blood pressure, evens out your heart rate and lowers your anxiety. The researchers reported that average blood pressure dropped from 136/88 to 115/71, which is considered to be within ideal blood pressure range. Average heart rates lowered to 67.4 bpm, a reduction of 6.5%. Best of all (in my view), anxiety rates dropped on average 35%. This is hard science, measurable facts, not wishful thinking.

The added benefit is that viewing cute critters has none of those pesky side effects you might risk from anxiety-reducing pharmaceuticals (prescription or other). 

So give yourself a unique present this Holiday Season. And if you feel so inclined, invite a friend or loved one to share the joy. Ditch Netflix (temporarily) and snuggle into the couch for a nice session of “cute-animal viewing.” Your body and mind will thank you.

Happy Holidays!

All You Have to Do Is Ask

Do you ever get frustrated with people not knowing what you want and totally ignoring your very legitimate needs? In this podcast, you’ll discover the easiest, quickest way to get those needs met!

 

Check out this latest episode!

Anger: Dumping versus Dealing

Don’t you just hate it when you’d love to lash out at someone, but for a whole host of reasons, you absolutely cannot? In this podcast, find out how to deal with your anger and resentment without hurting yourself or another!

Check out this latest episode!

Decide or Slide

A friend of mine broke her upper arm recently. Considering she’s a massage therapist who’s been out of work on and off all year due to COVID, plus having a hastily re-organized virtual wedding as opposed to the long planned-for wedding of her dreams, along with the death of her beloved grandmother, this was just one more “yikes!!” she has had to deal with. She feels like she’s been tossed around like a rag doll by events. Nothing like the calm, ordered, happy life she’s experienced most of her adulthood.

Heaven knows, she’s not alone. So much is going on these days that challenge us: the political scene, the pandemic and all its economic consequences, yet more fires and hurricanes, not to mention friends/family with COVID or other illnesses and injuries. 

It’s easy to slide into negativity, into hopelessness and despair. Even with the best positive attitude in the world, these are trying times. What to do?

Decide! In other words, when you feel yourself sliding into negativity, into gloom and depression, decide. Be conscious, not knee-jerk reactionary unconscious. It’s beneath you. Instead, summon up your inner Captain Marvel, and take a stand for the forces of good. Your good! Yes, set a timer for 20 minutes and allow yourself to rant, weep or whatever you do when in the throes of “It’s not fair!!” I usually put the dogs outside (otherwise they’d try to comfort me and I’m not up for that yet), and then abuse umpteen pages of paper with scrawled histrionics. But once that timer dings, you’re done! 

Figure out what you can do to either make yourself feel better or make the situation better. Get creative. You are a powerful human being with far more resources (inner and outer) than we generally give ourselves credit for.

Get mindful. Focus on one thing at a time and give it your complete, undivided attention. Decide that you ARE going to get through this, that you deserve to give yourself the best of yourself, and that’s your “can do,” “always a way” self. 

Decide or slide. The choice is yours.