Monday, June 30, 2014

Turn "Yeah, but" On Its Head

Ever have one of those "Yeah, but" conversations? Your friend has lost her job. Being the supportive friend that you are, you say:

             "Hey, you’ve got tons of skills. All you need to do is revamp your resume, and you’ll be hired in no time."
            "Yeah, but the economy sucks. It’s gonna take forever!"
            "No it won’t - you’ve got personality and smarts on top of skills."
            "Yeah, but what if that’s not enough? You hear stories all the time of qualified people who beat the pavement for years and years."
            "Those are just urban legends. People like you, with all you’ve got going for you, you’ll find an even better job in no time."
            "Yeah, but what if I don’t? How am I gonna pay the rent?!"
            "Well, I’ll help. And so will the rest of your friends, you’ll be OK. It’s just a transition time."
            "Yeah, but . . ."
It’s a conversation with no end. Your friend has now driven herself even deeper into her depression/fear/anxiety hole, and you’re increasingly frustrated, since all your good will and good ideas are met with "Yeah, but."

You may or may not eventually get through your friend’s "Yeah, buts"--but one thing is for sure; you can get through your own "Yeah, buts" with a slight change in focus.

Oh, you thought this was going to be about your friend? Sorry. That was just an easier way to ease you into remembering all the times you’ve allowed the "Yeah, buts" to destroy your confidence, dreams, hopes and desires.

Because that is precisely what negative "Yeah, buts" do.

You have a dream of having your own business. Maybe on the Internet. Your internal dialogue goes something like this:
            "I’d love to create a fantastic app/clothing/game - my own business."
            "Yeah, but, who are you to do something like that? People way smarter than you are failing at that one every day."
            "I know, but maybe I could. I mean, Steve Jobs started in a garage."
(Huge peals of laughter from the committee in your head.)
            "Yeah, uh-huh, you are soooo like Steve Jobs."

So turn the tables on the negative "Yeah, buts"!
            "I’d love to create a fantastic app/clothing/game--my own business."
            "Yeah, but, who are you to do something like that? People way smarter than you are failing at that one every day."
            "Yeah, lots of people fail, but lots of people succeed too. I could be one of those."
            "Yeah, but, you hardly have the smarts to do that."
            "Yeah, maybe there are other people smarter, but smarts aren’t everything. I’ve got perseverance and passion in spades! I really want this and that counts for at least as much as smarts."

Get the drift? Instead of killing your hopes and dreams with negative "Yeah, buts" nurture and support them with positive "Yeah, buts."

If certain people had let the negative "Yeah, buts" run their lives, man would never have made it to the moon, nor Steve Jobs out of his garage. Why should you?

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