You’re Not a Failure, You Just Need a Different Approach

 

                                Photo Credit: Mike Lin, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” Christopher Reeve

If ever someone was justified in describing what it takes to get through life’s most trying times, it’s surely Christopher Reeve, whose story of Superman success, accident-engendered paralysis, and a further story of creating a new and successful life for himself is well-known.

But what about you and me? Most of what we deal with in our lives is less dramatic, yet “stuff” happens to all of us. Stuff we must either rise above or sink below, and frankly, rise above seems a lot more appealing.

So what stands in the way? Why don’t we, like Reeve, find that strength to persevere? Why do we, too often, give up and simply announce, “Well, that’s life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” We decide we just aren’t good enough, smart enough, talented enough, whatever the “enough” is for you. We brand ourselves as a failure, and that’s that. Sigh.

But what if, bear with me here, what if it’s not about you? Sure, the “stuff” happened to you--the lost job, missed promotion, dependence on alcohol or drugs, miserable finances, partner leaving you, on and on--but that doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you failed at something. There’s a world of difference between the two. If you failed at something, there’s always the possibility you might succeed at it eventually, or find something even more interesting to you to succeed at. Maybe not now, but sometime. With a different approach.

Ah, yes. Because that’s what generally is the problem—your current approach. If Reeve had insisted he could only be successful as an actor equipped with 4 functioning limbs, he’d never have had the life he created for himself after the accident. Instead, Reeve adopted a different approach. He used his knowledge of the acting world to become a successful director and to act in roles beyond action hero and more, using his paralysis as a plus, not a minus.

Any one of us can follow Reeve’s example. Step back from your issue, look upon it as a challenge to come up with a different approach, heck, 10 different approaches, and go for it. Persevere. Assume that you will find a more successful approach, something that allows you to go beyond your problem, or around it, under it, totally outside of it, so that you achieve success and happiness. Maybe with your original goal, maybe not. Maybe with something entirely different you would never even have considered, but for this supposed “failure.”

You are not a failure. Never were. But your approach? There are a multitude of different approaches to any difficult situation. One of them, if not many, will work for you. Just think of Reeve and--rock on!

What Improv Theatre Taught Me About “Yes, and”, Episode 136

Ever wonder why some conversations get stuck before they’ve even really gotten started? Why do you get into fights rather than getting things sorted out? Learn how to unblock discussions so you can have meaningful conversations that actually get somewhere instead of ending in a fight. In this podcast, you’ll discover a powerful yet easy way to do just that.

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What I Learned from Yucky Fish, Episode 135

How do you prevent your attention from always being diverted to stuff you don’t like, don’t want, and never asked for? Why does all this clutter get in the way of you having the good life you deserve? How can you free yourself from the negative? In this podcast, you’ll discover an easy way to shift your focus so you can experience what is truly yours to enjoy.

 

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What’s Your Information Diet?

 

You are careful, right? Careful with what you eat and drink, which one might think of as your nutritional diet or guidelines. You care about how your body feels and functions, and you know that what you put into it matters. So, you pay attention. Most of the time, anyway, the occasional weekend lapses don’t count. After all, you’re human.

But what about your information diet*? What are the guidelines you follow to make sure that the information you process is beneficial to your mind? Your heart? Your very being? Diving headlong into social media, consuming anything and everything that pops up on your screen isn’t necessarily (or even ever) a wise choice.

You know what I’m talking about. You’re innocently scrolling through Facebook and the next thing you know, you are both fascinated and horrified by the weird things people do to their bodies, mates, pets, which gets you sucked into yet another terrifying story, and then another--you get the idea. It’s curiosity gone wild, which leaves you frozen in fear or frantic with anxiety. Not a pretty sight.

Not that Facebook or any other feed is a bad thing, far from it. You’ve just abdicated your power of choice to the algorithms that run the internet: “You interested in this? Here’s more!” When all you probably wanted to do was alleviate your temporary boredom.

Reinstate your power of choice. Be the one who determines which feeds you’re interested in, how much of each provides entertainment, useful information or relief, even when you want to indulge. Not some algorithm. It’s not always easy, however.

Deciding that you’re going to eat so many grams of protein a day, a certain amount of veggies and carbs, doesn’t mean it’s easy to follow through on your plan. It takes self-discipline, true, but aren’t the results worth it? When you step on that scale and realize 5 pounds magically (yeah, right) disappeared?

You get it. Just as with a nutritional diet, your information diet takes fortitude and willpower. Reinforce what you want in your feeds and what you want to consume. Don’t just chomp away at whatever, whenever. Remember, it’s up to you to choose.

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*A term a dear friend, Steve Cooper, shared with me recently.

Turn “Yeah, but” On Its Head, Episode 134

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Get to the Heart of Your Apology: Speak to the Hurt! Episode 133

 

Does your partner’s refusal to accept your heartfelt apology totally irritate you? Especially when whatever they were so offended by wasn’t all your fault? How can you have a positive relationship without being perfect? In this podcast, receive helpful tips to master the magic of a complete apology, no groveling required, that your partner will accept.

 

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Let “Why?” Propel You to Greater Success

 

Remember Nike’s famous slogan “Just Do It”? Those 3 words have great validity. After all, there’s nothing to be gained by endless procrastination and avoidance. However, “Just Do It” – to be truly effective – needs to be preceded by “Why do it?”

Ah, yes, there’s the rub. Do you want a new car? “Just buy it!” is fine, but a bit of a problem if you end up either with payments you can ill afford, or a car that is a true clunker despite its shiny appearance. If, however, you sit for a moment with “Why buy it?” you may realize that what you really want is a vehicle that is easily within your monthly budget, functions as it is supposed to, and accommodates your entire team/family/dog patrol. Not just a bright shiny thing that impresses the neighbors.

Which means you’re going to have to look at how to make all those things happen before you can become the proud owner of a car that genuinely meets your needs. Most of them, anyway.

Or you’ve endlessly postponed asking your boss for that promotion, so with “Just Do It” resonating in your ears, one day you pry yourself away from your work computer and charge into their office demanding a promotion. Not a good plan. Your boss chuckles, shakes their head sadly, and says, “Whatever. I need those accounts ready by end of business day. Today.” Off you slump, depressed and disheartened.

This unfortunate state could have been prevented by simply asking yourself first: “Why ask the boss for the promotion?”  For the fatter paycheck, duh. But more likely because you feel that you deserve it, that you’ve earned it by your good work. Great, except right now you are the only one who knows that. So first, you need to figure out how to let your boss know that you deserve and have earned the promotion you want.

The important word in this particular “Why?” is “boss.” Storming into their office demanding the promotion isn’t likely to get you your promotion. Think about it. Use the experiences of your boss to strategize the best way to let them know of your deservability. What matters most to your boss? Not to you, to your boss. Then proceed accordingly.

“Just Do It” is terrific – at the right time. After you’ve answered your “Why do it?” beyond your knee-jerk “Because I want to!” Once you know your “Why,” you’ll generally find yourself able to determine your “How” to do it, which in turn will make your “Just Do It” wonderfully successful.