Declutter Your Heart

 

We speak of decluttering our spaces--our homes, garages, offices--but how often do we think of decluttering ourselves? As in letting go of outdated emotions, the guilts, fears, regrets that no longer serve us in any way?

After all, isn’t that how you declutter your closet? You look over your outfits and discard clothes you haven’t worn in years, or that are so not-trendy you can barely stand to look at them, or which remind you of that awful fight you had with – well, never mind. Outdated, for one reason or another.

Heart Declutter. I recently had to do a rather in-depth declutter on my own heart. Facebook may be a wonderful way to connect, but not when you suddenly bump up against a post you’d rather never have seen. But there it was, in living color, for all the world to see. My ex, from over a decade ago, gushing at how his delightful current girlfriend had celebrated his birthday, pics included. 

I thought I was so over that relationship, like really over, but in a heartbeat, it all came back. How he had cheated on me, then dumped me because, “Every time I look at you I feel like a failure.” As if the fact that my business was going well and his wasn’t was somehow my fault. He managed to make me feel horribly guilty for making him feel like a failure, although I never felt that way about him, and certainly never spoke to him like that. If anything, I supported him as much as I possibly could. To add to rehashing my past pain, obviously still alive and well in my heart, I now resented him for having such a terrific present girlfriend: how dare he?! I was bitter, angry, and downright miserable.

And who, pray tell, was I hurting in all of this gnashing of teeth? No one, just myself. Talk about a heart badly in need of decluttering. I finally was able to release those harmful, long-outdated emotions--the anger and the resentment--by vigorously reminding myself of one of my favorite mantras and applying it to him, past and present. People are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got from where they are. I must have repeated it 100 times a day for weeks until it finally became my truth. Until I could breathe again, feeling my heart decluttered.

Clutter Freedom. Ah, the freedom. Decluttering one’s heart is ten times more powerful than decluttering the garage, and the ensuing freedom, indescribably delicious. Give yourself that amazing freedom. Take one outdated emotion at a time, use whatever mantra works for you, the one I used or a more general release mantra along the lines of: “I release and let you go, old useless fear! I set myself free!” The words don’t matter as much as your intent does.

Figure out whatever affirmation works for you and use repetition to definitively let the useless emotion recede into a dim and distant past. Just like letting Goodwill pick up that old, battered, Lazy Boy and simply waving “bye-bye.”

Freedom!

Angry At Work? Have A Friends/Family Brainstorming Session!, Episode 120, Season 5

How can you handle your work frustrations and anger without losing your job, or alienating friends and family with your constant complaining? Is there a better answer than “Oh, well,” and making do with your current situation? Yes! Find out, in this podcast, how to enroll family or friends in a positive way so they help you successfully resolve those frustrations, while making family and friends feel all the better for having helped you do so.

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Be Truly Human: Practice Random Acts of Kindness, Episode 119, Season 5

Random acts of kindness sound like just so much airy-fairy stuff you have neither the interest in or time for. And yet, random acts of kindness are part of what makes us truly human. Explore in this podcast exactly why such acts are important, and how they can bring more joy into your life quickly and easily, without costing you a dime.

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Fall Seven Times! Really.

 

You would think that highly successful people, whatever their profession or occupation, are highly successful because, well, they know how to do something and keep on doing it correctly. But that is only a partial truth. Highly successful people do things correctly, yes, but more importantly, they follow the Japanese proverb, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

You see, no one ever gets it right every time, or maybe even the first or fiftieth time. That is irrelevant. What matters is to keep going. And going and going.

As in, never let an apparent failure stop you from reaching for your goal. Or, as Jerome Kern’s wonderful song states: “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” (A song made famous by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in “Swing Time,” just in case you were wondering.) Picking yourself back up from failure matters whether it’s in cooking the best lasagna or winning Olympic gold, or finally managing to get yourself to work on time.

Which reminds us of basketball legend Michael Jordan’s perfect quote: "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." This boils it down to a simple truth: when you view failure as a stepping stone to success, you can’t help but succeed.

The most brilliant among us at adopting the “stepping stone” approach are infants. Truly. And yes, you, since you were once one of those. Ever watched a baby learning to walk? They spend more time plunking down on their rears than they do on their feet. Which is true of animal babies as well as us humans. They don’t fret, they don’t assume they are failures as babies (human or otherwise). They just behave like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and pick themselves up and start over again. Minus the dusting off, true.

So, next time you miss an important deadline, botch a work assignment, can’t seem to master a tennis move, whatever it is, don’t plant a giant “L” on your forehead. Figure out what went wrong, not how YOU are wrong, a defective being, but simply how to do it differently, more effectively, next time, and keep going. That’s how success is built.

Do you think the Energizer Bunny hit that drum perfectly every time? No way. And yet it, and you, just need to figure out the next best way to do whatever, and keep – you got it – going and going and going!

A Non-Waste of Time Team-Building Exercise, Episode 118, Season 5

What is it with managers who want endless team meetings when you’re busy? Worse, now it’s their latest-greatest “team-building exercise.” Aargh! Got other things to do, thank you very much. But you can’t beg off, so . . . discover in this podcast the value a certain team-building exercise might actually have, and how to genuinely benefit from it.

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The Dog Ate My Homework: Really? Still?, Episode 117, Season 5

Are you ever frustrated over how hard it is to get ahead? Like managing to get that raise or that promotion you so feel you deserve? In this podcast, find out what’s truly in the way of the success you long for, and how to turn things around in your favor!

Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.

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Another Life Lesson From My Dog

 

I have 2 dogs, both rescues. One of them is a German Shepherd mix, aka Baer, who had been tethered to a pole in a person’s yard with very little freedom of movement, for the first couple of years of his life. No big surprise, then, that once I adopted him, his great joy was to run around my yard with energy and gusto. He still does that, now at 13, but his legs don’t always cooperate. From time to time, Baer pulls a muscle and then hops around on 3 legs for a bit as he recovers.

Observing him, keeping a close watch to make sure nothing else is going on with him that would require vet care, I can’t help but notice that Baer never complains. He doesn’t bark in complaint at the rock that tripped him or at his doggie-brother who probably ran into him. He doesn’t whine, whimper, or otherwise express his displeasure at the current state of affairs. Baer simply adjusts his behavior to his current situation. He sleeps more, doesn’t run around quite as much, and only ups his activity level as his muscles heal.

Wish we were more like Baer! No matter what’s going on, complaining about it, blaming others or the state of the economy, the world, or the political situation of the day, isn’t going to solve/remedy our dilemma. It may feel better to blame and complain, certainly, but it doesn’t do any good. If anything, it keeps us focused on the negative, on the doom-and-gloom or 'poor-me' aspect, which hinders our ability to problem-solve creatively.

Successful people don’t do that. They have what’s called an “internal locus of control,” meaning that they believe they are in charge of what happens in their lives, and respond accordingly. Does that mean they – or we – are in charge of everything that happens in their lives? No! Of course, stuff happens that is outside of our control; however, we always have control over how we react to events and situations. It’s what separates those who are successful most of the time from those who are not, most of the time.

How do you plug into that “internal locus of control”? That willingness to react in a non-complaining, forward-looking, productive way to events and situations? Start with a 5-second recharge. Say what? Yes. First, take a deep breath (or 2 or 3, as needed), sit/stand up straight, think of something you are grateful for – it can be something as basic as “the sun came up” or “the earth is still turning on its axis”, it doesn’t matter what – and let that prime your pump for thinking of constructive ways to deal with your situation.

“I can do this” is always a good follow-up to repeat to yourself as you tackle whatever it is. And yes, you can.