New Year Resolutions – Yikes!

 

Here we are, at another New Year, that time when we set resolutions for the coming 12 months. Or try to. But here’s the thing, even with our best intentions, research shows that our resolutions rarely make it past 3 months. Sometimes not even past 3 weeks, or even 3 days. Sigh. But come on, we’re human, right? So we didn’t make it to the gym every day, we didn’t get up an hour earlier in the morning, we didn’t lose those pounds, we ditched the savings plan in favor of buying a new techie what’s-it, so? The world did not come to an end.

True. Yet those resolutions were meaningful to us. We didn’t make them lightly. And we really wanted to accomplish whatever those resolutions represented. We’re not lazy or stupid or without ambition, at least not for the most part. What went wrong?

S.M.A.R.T. We forgot to adopt resolutions that were Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound (S.M.A.R.T.). A process that management professionals have used for decades in facilitating not just goal-setting, but more importantly, goal-achieving.

How could this apply to New Year’s resolutions? Your resolution is to go to the gym every day. A laudable objective. Certainly, specific enough: “going to the gym” and “every day.” Is it measurable? Sure. “Every day” provides the measure. How about achievable? This is where most of us would stall. Every day? Hardly. There are days when you have to work early/late, days when you have to pick up/drop off the kids, days when a zillion other things interfere with “going to the gym.”

Maybe a back-track is in order. Instead, “specific” describes the time of day you set as your gym time, maybe the days of the week you intend to actually make it to the gym. Still measurable. Achievable? Much more so. Whew!

Next comes “relevant.” Uh . . . to what, you ask. Relevant to why do you want to get to the gym regularly in the first place? Surely, it’s not to show off your new Nike Ja-1 Chinese New Year sneakers? OK, maybe it is, but in addition to that, it’s because you’d like to be more fit, feel more energized. That’s why going to the gym regularly is relevant. Relevance is what motivates us. Relevance answers the “why” of why you set this resolution in the first place. Reminding yourself of the relevance of your gym resolution is what will support your ability to achieve your resolution.

Lastly, is your resolution time-bound? This is different from “measurable,” because “time-bound” will help you assess how you are doing with your resolution. Perhaps you set 3-month reviews of your success with your resolution. That not only shows how you stayed the course but in addition, can show how your success with your resolution contributes to the relevance of it. For example, are you more fit, do you feel more energized?  Setting periodic benchmarks to assess how you’re doing is important to keeping you motivated for the long haul.

That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? A New Year resolution that’s S.M.A.R.T., not just for day one of the New Year, but for every day of the year, so that you can enjoy the terrific feeling of accomplishing what’s important to you.

Happy New Year!

The Negativity Grinch, Episode 80

There’s a far worse Grinch than the Grinch that stole Christmas, and unfortunately that Grinch, the Negativity Grinch, lives in our own minds much of the time. Yet negativity, in and of itself, doesn’t have to be a Grinch.  In this podcast you’ll discover how to use negativity in its right and proper way, so that the Negativity Grinch doesn’t take over and suck the very joy out of your life.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

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From Needy to Deserving Episode 79

You don’t want to be seen as needy or clingy, or – even worse – desperate, yet you want to be loved, appreciated, valued! And yet, you have every right to want what you want to feel good, to be happy. In this podcast you’ll explore in specifics how to turn ‘needy’ into ‘deserving’ – and with that, be able to get that love you so richly deserve.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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The Best Free Gifts for The Holidays

 

 

The Holidays. A time of giving. And giving and giving, until sometimes it feels like you are nothing but a shopping/buying machine, and the joy of giving, well . . . it’s going-going-gone.

But what if there were a way of giving that costs you nothing but a nano-second of attention? No currency – paper, plastic or crypto – involved. Zip. Nada. Actually, two ways of giving. Both of which give joy to the receiver, and guess what? To you as well.

Namely, compliments and thank yous. Compliments simply consist of noticing something pleasing about a person or their behavior. Compliments range from “What a great smile you have!” to “You are so thoughtful,” to “You do that so well!” Compliments can be given to friends, family, and total strangers. Especially at this hectic time of year, compliments genuinely and freely given to cashiers, sales reps, baristas and the many individuals who help us with our Holiday errands are greatly appreciated. And of course, your friends and family may very well be in shock to receive such an unprompted “You rock!”

Compliments must of course be socially appropriate. Generally, complimenting someone on their physical attributes is not appropriate. Unless it’s your partner or BFF, in which case it may be OK. However, best to err on the side of caution, and compliment accordingly.

Thank yous can be given any time anywhere to anyone for anything! A favorite of mine is to make sure to thank someone who least expects it and so often feels invisible—say the cleaner in a public bathroom (like at the airport). The look of grateful surprise on their face is enough to make my day. Same with thanking the postal carrier, a customer rep, even your child. Nothing beats giving that tiniest bit of Holiday joy to all.

Besides, who knows? It may become a habit, and what better way to celebrate the Season?

Thank you all for reading “A Note From Dr. Noelle” and Happy Holidays!!

If You Want to Mountain Climb, Episode 78

Too often we don’t stop to consider what we want our lives to look like, much less how to get there. We just go along, hoping to somehow stumble into that perfect job or lover or whatever else it is we desire.  What you’ll learn in this podcast is a surprisingly easy way to respect yourself enough to go for a life that truly brings you joy.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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A Misunderstood Virtue, Episode 77

Do you confuse being modest with failing to acknowledge your own qualities? Too often, we confuse owning our qualities with arrogance, or entitlement, and certainly we don’t want to be indulging in that! In this podcast, you’ll discover how recognizing your qualities is in fact what gives you the tools to better navigate the challenges of life. Your super-powers! Never to be ignored or denied, just used appropriately, to enhance your life.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

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Finding The True Thanks of Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is traditionally a time to give thanks. Most of us are pretty good at that. We can usually always find people and situations in life that inspire us to be grateful. Until certain relatives show up for Thanksgiving dinner. Or the supposed friends you wish you hadn’t invited but felt obliged to decide to come. Yup, those.

You know, the ones who talk non-stop, or the ones who expect to be entertained, catered to, and generally treated like royalty while you run around madly trying to satisfy their every inconsiderate whim. Or those who insist on ‘helping’ which usually means creating a mess you have to clean up. Or those who adore their squabbling, noisy children intent on breaking your favorite decoration or pulling the cat’s tail. Etcetera . . .

What to do? Well, you have a choice. I’m reminded of a wonderful video of a severely disabled puppy, completely unaware of his spastic meanderings, and whose human family not only were completely accepting of his disability (with which he coped admirably) but who had only praise for his resilience and courage. Wow. I was so impressed, not just with the dog, but with the family’s attitude.

Could we perhaps adopt a similar attitude when faced with those around our Thanksgiving table? Could we perhaps pay as little attention as possible to their inconvenient foibles, and just be grateful for their unique gifts? After all, talkers usually have something of interest to you buried somewhere in all that blather and don’t require more than the occasional “oh really” or “how nice” to make them happy.

Your Aunt Gertrude expects the royal treatment: well, she doesn’t disrupt anything, she just sits there contentedly once you’ve brought her that special cup of Oolong tea. She’s actually a great example of self-care. OK, taken to the extreme, but still, an example you can learn from.

Children’s energy can be channeled into something other than wanton destruction of decorations or annoying the cat: plan ahead to provide them with games so that you can enjoy their natural exuberance rather than fear it.

There really is something to appreciate in every human being (actually every being) you encounter. Make this a truly memorable and wonderful Thanksgiving by looking for that something in every one of your friends and relatives. You will be all the richer for it.

 

Mindless Reaction or Mindful Choice?, Episode 76

It’s so easy to have negative knee-jerk reactions to events in our day, which more often than not lead to a generally angry/irritated disposition for the whole day. Who needs that?  In this podcast, with hardly any effort at all, you’ll discover how to make mindful choices rather than oblivious reactions. With that, you can enjoy a pleasing rest of your day instead of an irritated, angry one.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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The Joy of Meaningfulness, Episode 75

Too often we go about our days by rote, never really looking at the why, as in “what’s it all about and why am I doing this anyway?” which too often lead to a profound sense of uselessness, of meaninglessness.  In this podcast you’ll explore in specifics how you might be able to find the value and meaning in your everyday activities, which in turn can lead to much more personal life-satisfaction.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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The Things You Want Versus The Life You Want To Live

 

It’s a funny thing about life. Sometimes when you get the things you wanted – the sporty car, the big house, the bling – it turns out they interfere with the life that you wanted to live.

Friends of mine, a couple, were all excited about moving to a new city. Their work was now all remote, so making a living wasn’t a problem, and the new city promised to be less expensive, yay! Their kids were grown, so schools weren’t an issue, freedom! Or so they thought. They bought a bigger house than they were accustomed to – more room to spread out. Bought the sporty car, and indulged in some expensive bling. Not a lot, but something they couldn’t afford previously.

The couple assumed that the move would give them more free time, and more disposable income with which to enjoy it. In a word, more freedom.

Right. The house, being bigger, required more cleaning. More upkeep. The sporty car was cute and fun, but challenging to get in and out of unless they were wearing sweats. And the insurance on it was more than anticipated given its “sportiness.” They were hesitant about wearing the expensive bling for fear of someone stealing it, or figuring they were rich (which they weren’t), and following them home to rob them.

Not exactly their definition of freedom.

Does this mean you shouldn’t indulge in that “thing” you want? Of course not! What it does mean, is to do your research. Think ahead to the consequences and get ready for those so that you can enjoy the life you want to live, with these new “things” you want to own.

So, get the sporty car, but be ready to Uber if you or your partner want to go to an event in something other than “get out of the car easily” clothes. Factor in additional insurance. Make peace with it before you buy the car. Will the bigger house work with your desired life? Or might a trendy condo suit you better? Think ahead. Sure, get the bling, but maybe consider insuring it, or not flashing it all over the place.

Life is supposed to be fun. Just make sure it’s fun for you tomorrow, as well as today.

 

More on The Positive Power of Response, Part 2, Episode 74

It’s amazing just how much time and effort we can put into what someone else is thinking about or why they’re doing what they’re doing. Usually coming up with lots of negative conclusions that do absolutely nothing for our self-esteem.  What you’ll learn in this podcast is a surprisingly simple way to bypass that kind of questioning altogether, and instead use a much more self-affirming and pleasing approach.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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The Positive Power of Response, Part 1, Episode 72

Isn’t reacting just part of life? How can you possibly choose something as automatic as your reaction to things? You can’t. But what you can choose is how you respond to whatever it is. In this podcast, you’ll discover how your response is what allows you to operate from choice, your very valuable and personal choice, and can make all the difference in how your life goes.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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Get Picky With Your Thoughts!

 

Last week, I had a rather nasty disagreement with a colleague. Even though it got resolved – well, sort of – I found myself going over and over it in my mind. For days. Not a productive path to mental well-being, no way, no how.

I realized, somewhere amid my internal grousing, that I was letting my thoughts run me, instead of doing the intelligent thing--choosing deliberately the thoughts I dwell on. Huh! How about that? I am pickier about the produce I select at the store than I am about the thoughts I allow free rein through my mind. Pickier about what I’m going to wear on any given day, pickier about the gas I put in my car and pickier about pretty much everything else.

Enough already! I didn’t need to rehash the disagreement. What I needed to do was get picky about how I thought about it. I couldn’t very well shut off my brain, as tempting as that would be at times. So I returned to a truth I know that has served me very well over the years: people are always doing the best they can with what they’ve got from where they are at the time. That may not be their always “best,” it may not even look like any kind of best, but it is the best that is available to them, given what they know and where they’re at emotionally, mentally or physically.

That includes me. And apparently, grousing was the best I could do for a while. It doesn’t mean I had to stay stuck there. Reminding myself that I can certainly get picky about my thoughts helped me get back to a better place with myself--a saner perspective on the situation with my colleague.

Relief! So yes, get picky. Preferably not about other people--everyone has the right to think as they choose--but about yourself! About what occupies that space between your ears all day long. After all, don’t you want to be doing the best you can with what you’ve got from where you are? And I’ll bet your best is generally better than what you think it is.

Quit The “I’m Sorry” Syndrome, Episode 72

Do you find yourself apologizing for other people’s misfortunes or unhappiness? Saying “I’m sorry” because they are suffering however, even when – and most often when – you had nothing to do with their particular unhappiness? In this podcast, you’ll discover what’s behind your “I’m Sorry” syndrome, and how to release it so you only say “I’m sorry” when you legitimately have something to be sorry for!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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The Way To Your Heart’s Desire, Episode 71

We are blessed with both a head and a heart. You’d think that would be enough to get us successfully through this adventure called ‘life.’ And yet, too often, we use one to the exclusion of the other, or use them upside down and backwards, as it were. In this podcast you’ll explore in specifics just how you might be able to use your head and heart together, harmoniously, to further your happiness and success!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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Practice “Maximum Effectiveness”

 

Apart from writing, my dogs, and life generally, my great passion is Ballroom dancing. A totally off-the-wall pursuit, no doubt, but one that truly lights me up. In addition to my primary instructor and competition partner, I have the privilege of a second instructor, a lovely and talented woman, Sue.*

Sue was sipping her coffee one day as I slipped on my dancing shoes, and dang! The aroma of her coffee was exceptional.  I asked Sue where she got it, and she told me she always made her own and that she started with buying just the right beans, grinding them herself every morning, so on and so on. Sue commented that her coffee was particularly tasty because, in her words, she tends to the “maximum effectiveness of each component.”

That’s exactly how Sue teaches Ballroom dancing. Nothing gets by her: feet, hands, head, every body part must be placed and move so as to assure “maximum effectiveness of each component.” That approach makes Sue an astonishingly effective instructor.

Approach Problems Differently. What could this possibly have to do with you? Well, let’s take a really simple issue: you want to get a good night’s sleep. You climb into bed an hour earlier, thinking that should do it, but no. You toss and turn, wake up 3 or 4 times in the night, and end up decidedly not refreshed. If instead, you looked at each component that might be contributing to your sleep or lack of, you could approach the problem differently.

For example, you might consider the temperature in your bedroom, the PJs you wear/don’t wear. If you watched the news last thing before lights out or rehashed that troublesome moment with your partner. If you ate dinner late. If your neighbors are habitually up late and noisy. There are at least a dozen components that may impact your sleep quality, not even mentioning your partner/pet's behavior in the same bed.

When you take the time and make the effort to look at each component separately, you will find that you can most certainly maximize their effectiveness. You can experiment with the temperature in your bedroom, your choice of night clothes, consider soothing music or watching light-hearted comedy before bed, having dinner earlier or wearing earplugs so not to be disturbed by noisy neighbors.

It may seem laborious to do all that just to assure a good night’s sleep, but think about it. You do this sleep thing every day of your life. Surely that is worth the investment of a little time and thought. especially given the impact of a good night’s sleep on how your day goes.

You can use the same approach with anything you want to improve in your life. Whether it’s how to go about getting a promotion at work, dealing with your teenagers, or playing pickleball. The subject matter is irrelevant. Any time you take a close look at how to get maximum effectiveness out of every component that plays a part in whatever it is you want, the more likely you are to have a successful result.

“Maximum effectiveness of each component.” A great way to lean into success.

*Name changed to protect privacy.

Try A Different Approach, Episode 70

Ever wonder why no matter how much you browbeat yourself for doing something wrong or never getting ‘it,’ you just can’t seem to do better? Are you that incompetent? Heck, no! But It’s often how you approach something that keeps you stuck. In this podcast, you’ll learn a surprisingly simple approach that can make that vital difference between never getting ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ is) and getting ‘it.’

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

The Value of Intent, Episode 69

Why should ‘intent’ matter anyway? Isn’t the point that you do what you’re supposed to do, what’s ‘right’ and that’s that? No, In this podcast, you’ll discover how ‘intent’ matters to what you do. How without meaningful intent, what you do is often just a shallow display of “I’m better than you are” instead of something that brings you – as well as others – genuine satisfaction.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

Focus On The Full Experience: You’ll Get There Faster!

 

We rarely enjoy change, even when we want that change. We will usually find any excuse we can to avoid the necessary steps to whatever that change may be.

For example, given that it is light so much earlier in the day, I’ve been attempting to get up earlier lately. Sigh. For me, getting up earlier is just not fun. Oh, it’s not about getting enough sleep, I do that just fine, it’s more that it’s so nice and snuggly under the covers, I’m not remotely motivated to emerge from all that comfort. But what does motivates me and gets me out from under the covers is when I think of what I would experience in doing so: having more creative time in my day, given that mornings are when I am at my creative best.

Thinking about the full experience that we seek with whatever our desired change is, rather than dwelling on the discomfort (mental or otherwise) of what it would take to make that change, is often what makes it much more doable. 

Let’s say you’re sick of your current job. In plain speak, it sucks. Hours are too long, you’re underpaid and overused, and your boss wouldn’t know how to say ‘thank you’ for your extra-mile efforts if it bit him . . .

But here’s the thing: when you think about what it would take to get a new job, a better job, you’re exhausted before you even take the first step. You’d have to figure out what you want to do (realistically, not your fantasy of instant celebrity-endorsement bucks). Then you have to figure out if you have the skill set for what you’ve decided you want to do. After that, there’s your resume to polish up. Oh, and guess what? Then you have to sort out where to submit that resume. Which of the online services? Or who do you know who’d be willing to give you an in? The list of what’s needed goes on and on, and so there you stay: underpaid, overused, and never thanked.

What if, instead, you focus on the full experience you’re aiming for, the end result? That better job in which you can shine and be appreciated for your efforts. Now you have something to aim for, something that can motivate you to take those many steps essential to getting there.

On Addiction, Episode 68

Addiction isn’t just something that afflicts other people and involves heavy drugs. Most of us have some form of addiction, even if it’s to seemingly benign activities – like working out obsessively or overworking that credit card or the remote. Those too often activities get in the way of our having the full and rewarding life we deserve. In this podcast you’ll discover how to engage the healthy, functioning parts of yourself to help you heal whatever addiction, major or minor, gets in your way, even if only occasionally.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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When Agendas Collide, Episode 67

Wouldn’t it be nice if your child/teenager did just what you needed them to do, right when you wanted them to? YES! Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case, and most often you find yourselves butting heads or in a screaming match. Sigh. . . However, there is a very different approach that will get your child/teenager on board with what you want and need. In this podcast you’ll explore in specifics just how you might be able to accomplish that.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

Check out this latest episode!

Let Purpose Get You Off the Hamster Wheel!

 

Some days it feels like life is one endless hamster wheel, where you go round and round and round in the same way day after day. You know the drill: chores-work-kids-chores-bed, rinse and repeat. Oh, sure, there’s the occasional crisis to change things up, maybe the occasional vacation or happy surprise, but mostly it’s chores-work-kids-chores-bed: what the French call “Metro, boulot, dodo” (metro, work, sleep).

BORING! As in depressing. As in why get up in the morning? There’s no seeming rhyme or reason to this continuous plod through life.

Ah but, there is. Really. All it takes is one simple question: “Why am I doing this?” For example, dog poop. My dogs are too big for me to walk, so I have a decent-sized yard, which is their agility center, play area, and (you guessed it) all-purpose bathroom--which they haven’t learned to clean up yet (you’d think . . .). So, I do it. Regularly. It’s boring. Tedious. Not the most fun thing on my list. But when I remember to ask myself “Why am I doing this?” my answer makes me happy. “Because I like a clean yard. The yard smells better and looks prettier. I can actually enjoy spending time in it. And I (or the dogs) don’t risk stepping in stinky stuff which then requires yucky clean-up.”

Now, I grant you, cleaning up after your dog isn’t nearly as thrilling as world peace or winning the lottery. However, most of our lives are about the mundane--losing/gaining weight, saving/earning money, dealing with kids/partners/co-workers and so on.

But here’s the thing. When you assign purpose to whatever it is you are engaged in, suddenly everything changes. It’s an energy shift that allows you to go from bored/depressed to interested, all the way to happy. Purpose. So if losing/gaining weight is fueled by the purpose of getting healthier, it’s less of a task and more of an adventure. Same with saving/earning money. Once there’s a purpose attached, such as a family vacation or getting out of your teeny apartment into an actual house, you’ve got a dream to pull you forward through the mechanics of saving/earning rather than getting stuck in the dreary got-to-dos of it all.

It doesn’t matter what you must do in your day to day. What matters is how you approach it. Asking yourself regularly, “Why am I doing this?” until you come up with a response that lights you up.

Purpose rocks! And so will you.

Photo attribution: By Doenertier82, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=642841

 

A Matter of Balance, Episode 66

How do we manage to stay so very connected with everyone on the planet via all our devices, yet somehow disconnect from what our own bodies are trying to tell us? We tend to ignore our bodies’ messages until they get so big, we can’t do anything else than succumb to illness or some other health issue. In this podcast, you’ll learn the incredible value of the mind-body system, and how to listen to your body so you can have the best life possible.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

A Question of Character, Episode 65

What is ‘character’ anyway? And what does ‘character’ have to do with you? ‘Character’ matters, it’s what tells you if someone is trustworthy or not, and trustworthiness is fundamental to good relationships of all kinds. In this podcast, you’ll discover what ‘character’- or lack of it - looks like, and how to determine if someone is likely to be trustworthy or not.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

Self-Care: Lattes and Ice Cream. Really?

 

We are a quick-fix species, we humans. We want ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ is – NOW! The money, the lover, the job, the car, the child to behave, the partner to behave (oops!), the boss to quit micro-managing: the list goes on and on.

So too with self-care. Few of us think of what self-care really entails, so we grab whatever will make us feel better – NOW! Which is great, totally understandable, and works. Well, works short-term. That latte does calm you down (interesting paradoxical effect of caffeine), the ice cream brings comfort, the movie did distract you from your worries, and that new bling perked you right up. Temporarily. Because as soon as the ‘feel better’ wears off from the quick-fix, you’re back where you were. Mildly (or very) depressed, grumpy, low energy, anxious, your choice.

It doesn’t have to be this way! Self-care is best approached from the inside, not the outside. Especially when we are dealing with mental and emotional self-care*. This is why trying to deal with your emotional well-being with lattes and ice cream isn’t going to work. What will, is what was best expressed by the phrase painted on the back of a passing truck: “just love yourself.”

I kid you not. I was driving home one day when I happened to end up behind a truck with “just love yourself” painted on the back.  I followed the truck for a bit, wanting to make sure I wasn’t imaging things. The truck driver pulled over to the side of the residential street we were on, thinking no doubt that I wanted to pass him. I didn’t. I drove up beside him, made the “roll down your window please” sign, and said to him, “Thank you!! I love your truck slogan!” I’m not sure he understood or heard what I said, he probably just thought “crazy lady” but that’s OK. It was a wonderful moment.

So what does “just love yourself” mean? In simple terms, it means to be patient with yourself, to accept that you are doing the best you can, with what you’ve got, from where you are. And to think the same of the others in your life. Because, you see, when you acknowledge that you (and others) are doing the best you can, given where you’re at, with the resources (inner and outer) that you have presently available to you, you free yourself from judgment and blame. That in turn frees you up to look for/explore/discover other resources, to consider other approaches, to look at the situation from a different perspective.

Ah, sweet relief. Now, about that latte . . .

Seducers, Episode 64

There are people who genuinely like you, are well-meaning and truthful about their attraction to you. Then there are people who only like you for what you can give them in the moment, and are quick to dump you after they’ve gotten whatever it is they want. Yet they are often so wonderful to you that you succumb to their charm, oblivious to the unfortunate consequences that will probably ensue. In this podcast, you’ll discover what separates the genuine people from those just in it for whatever, saving your heart and possibly your bank account in the process!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

The Problem With Control, Episode 63

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could control everyone and everything so they did just what you needed them to do, right when you needed it? Maybe. The reality is, that will never happen. But there is a way, an approach you can use that will get people and situations on board with what you want and need – that doesn’t involve control at all! In this podcast you’ll explore just how you might be able to accomplish that.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

My “Worry” Epiphany

 

You would think that a garden-variety cold would hardly lead to an epiphany. What can I tell you? That’s what happened! I ended up flat on my back, sneezing, coughing, not-sleeping, miserable, with a severe head cold and laryngitis. Lovely. Considering that I make my living as a trial consultant talking, discussing and coaching various parties in legal matters, the laryngitis in particular had me very concerned. Understatement. Panicked would be more accurate.

So there I lay, hour after hour, worrying. Not just worrying, obsessing over “How long will this take?” “Will my voice, the primary instrument of my livelihood, return fully?” “And in time for some of the critical work I have upcoming? Yes? No? Maybe? Maybe not?” Which made me feel no better, if anything, made me feel worse.

The Epiphany. Somewhere in there, it dawned on me that I was spending my time doing nothing productive at all. Nothing that would facilitate my healing or make me feel better. I was indulging in one of humankind’s least productive activities: worrying. The amount of time I was in worry mode appalled me. But it did lead to the aforementioned epiphany (see, that’s what working with lawyers gets you – fancy vocabulary, sorry!).

How much of one’s time do we spend worrying? Not necessarily in the face of something like an illness, but just generally. How much? Too much! Because for every minute spent worrying, we are not focused in the direction of a solution. We are steadfastly stuck on the problem, and that is an exercise in futility. No good ever came out of worrying. It really doesn’t matter if we are worrying about a small matter or a major crisis, the worry part doesn’t resolve anything. Worse, it puts mental blinders on our thinking such that we don’t consider possible solutions or resources.

I took myself firmly in hand and decided “Enough!” I started thinking about what I could do to help myself, what had worked in the past, how I could re-schedule client meetings if needed, and strangely enough, I started to feel better. Just turning my thoughts in the direction of what was possible and looking for solutions, got me on the path to wellness.

Was my return to well-being instantaneous? Hardly! But at least I wasn’t making things worse by worrying, worrying, and then worrying some more. My voice is back, and I am on the mend.

Don’t let worry stand in the way of your amazing ability to resolve whatever in your life is giving you grief. Engage the monumental power of your mind in the direction of “There’s gotta be a way!” and sure enough, you will find a way.

 

The Temptation of Blame, Episode 62

What is it about blame that makes it so very tempting? And what’s wrong with knowing you’re right and others are wrong? Surely they should know they messed up! The problem with blame is that it may feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t do a darn thing to resolve the situation. Dang. In this podcast, you’ll learn an easy two-step process to bypass blame and boogie on to that success you so desire!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

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What Little Old Me?, Episode 61

Does anything you do really matter? Why do you feel so often like an insignificant cog in some giant wheel? Where you don’t matter. In this podcast, you’ll discover that you really do matter, that what you do – big or small – has impact, not just in some philosophical way, but real, important, viable impact.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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Going For Misery or Looking For Ease?

 

The Holidays are long over, New Year’s came and went, Super Bowl happened, Valentine’s Day is but a dim recollection, so what’s next? Ah yes, tax season . . .

Let’s not all rejoice at the same time. Well, not me, anyway. As a self-employed, I now need to plow through all my receipts, sort them, and – you know the rest. And even if you’re not self-employed, you’ll still have stuff to deal with tax-wise. Which means that most of us find endless excuses to not deal with our tax ‘stuff’ until the very last minute. At which time we’re panicking or at the very least, being grumpy and irritable.

I had to ask myself, why would I do that to myself? Why would I turn an inevitable, regular, recurring task into a groany-moany time of misery? Then it occurred to me. What if, instead of putting time and energy into finding excuses for endless procrastination, I put time and energy into finding a way to deal with it relatively painlessly? A true “duh” moment.

Like scheduling it. Which is what I do with everything else. So I can do one part of the necessary tax prep on one day, just for an hour or so, and another part on a different day. Which makes the “medicine go down” much better, to quote that wise sage, Mary Poppins.

You may find taxes easy-peasy, but I’ll bet there are other tasks or chores that you avoid with righteous (and often innovative) excuses until you’re forced into taking care of whatever it is.

Why would you put yourself through such totally unnecessary pain? There really is no need. You’re smarter than that. Take a moment or two to figure out how you might either schedule the task, delegate it, or re-configure it such that you can get it done with ease. Ease - there’s a novel concept! And what a wonderful way to go about life’s “must-dos.”

Now that’s something worth thinking about!

The Agony of Shame, Episode 60

You beat yourself up endlessly over the “I should haves” and “I should have known betters” that punch nasty holes in your otherwise happy life, aka the “shame” of messing up. Yuck! What to do? In this podcast, you’ll find possible answers to that very question, so that you can mess up without feeling down. On the contrary, you’ll find ways to deal constructively with whatever happened. A much happier result than walking around in shame!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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Drop it!!

 

I learned an amazing new technique from my massage therapist Tammy recently. No, not yet another way of ironing out my body ‘kinks,’ although she is pure genius when it comes to that. On the contrary, this had nothing to do with massage, and everything to do with life.

Ready? Here goes. Observing her dog one day, Tammy realized the profound significance of a singular command: “Drop it.” Her cute pooch immediately dropped whatever forbidden thing said puppy held tightly in its jaws. No arguing, no defensiveness, no reproach, just – dropped. Tammy started using the same technique on herself. When she had an unwanted thought or feeling, she just said “drop it” to herself.

OMG! Could it really be that easy? Yes! We are perfectly capable of obeying our commands to ourselves. We do it all day long, although often at a subconscious level: “get out of bed NOW” “brush your teeth” “be nice” “quit procrastinating” “Oh, that was stupid, how could I be so stupid?!” “Bad me!” But here’s the thing. “Drop it” requires a measure of determination and willingness few of us master as well as our dogs do...

So, easy. Yes, conceptually. The execution, however, aargh. The good news is that anything improves with practice. I’ve found that the more I use “drop it” with myself, the less likely I am to drag around some negative thought or feeling for hours (days?) on end. If nothing else, saying “drop it” to myself increases my awareness that I need to make a change, or else I’m going to keep myself in misery-land. Not my preference.

Do I mutter “I don’t wanna” to myself like a recalcitrant three-year-old on occasion? Of course I do! And yet, more often than not, I then think of Tammy’s wonderful life lesson from her dog, and remind myself that I too can learn to “drop it” on command.  

“A” Versus “The” Solution, Episode 58

Why is it that the apparently easy one-shot answer to your problem just caused a whole bunch of other problems? You’re exhausted! Understandably so, because you see, one size does not fit all. In this podcast, you’ll learn how to figure out the impact of your possible solution before implementing it, so that your solution really is a worthwhile answer to your problem.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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New Year’s Resolution, Episode 57

You resolve to be nicer, you get walked on. You resolve to be more assertive, people avoid you. What’s up with that? Why can’t you get this dealing with people thing right? Well, maybe it’s not that you can’t get it right, maybe, as you’ll discover in this podcast, it’s because you’ve allowed some very valuable aspects of yourself to go undeveloped and others to rule your life. Hmm . . . Time to find out what and how!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

  

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