Halloween is almost upon us, and grown-ups are planning
Halloween parties, while kids of all ages figure out what costume to wear and
whether to trick or treat. For all the fun we have at Halloween, it is still a
day in remembrance of all things scary; ghosts, zombies, witches, spells and
curses.
Fear. Or, as I prefer to think about it, F.E.A.R: False
Evidence Appearing Real. The “ghost” is a sheet fluttering, the “witch” is but
a black robe and tall hat, the “zombie” an amalgamation of tattered clothes and
white ghoulish make-up. Yet fear is a real emotion.
Any time our survival, our well-being--or that of a loved one--is threatened,
we experience fear.
The problem lies, not in that initial survival emotional
knee-jerk, but in what we choose to do with it. At Halloween, we may be
startled by an apparent ghostly apparition, but a moment later we dismiss it
for the illusion that it is. In our daily life, however, too often we confuse
our feeling of fear, with something
to be afraid of, rather than something to deal with.
I learned this forcefully many years ago when I was
rear-ended not once, not twice, but seven times over the course of a year. Even
though only the first accident resulted in significant injury, by the seventh I
was terrified to get back in my car. I was working, in my late 20s, public
transportation in Los Angeles was scarce and Uber wasn’t even a thought in
someone’s mind. I had to drive. I couldn’t afford to be too afraid to drive. In
desperation, I consulted a hypnotist, something I’d never done before. It
worked. In my desperation I did the thing I needed most to do--deal with my
fear.
You see, fear is actually designed to be a warning sign:
“Pay attention, danger ahead!” I was hit, I was scared--how hurt was I? Would I
be OK? But once fear has alerted you to paying attention to your
survival/well-being, its job is done. Maintaining a state of fear prevents you
from enjoying the life in front of you; your present, the now moment, really
the only time you have. Which is why F.E.A.R. makes sense: if you’re on the way
to dealing with whatever the threat is, then fear is “false evidence,”
persisting merely because you haven’t released it.
Think about it: you had a miserable divorce. You’re afraid
to get into another relationship because he/she might be a jerk. Again. You’re
hanging onto your fear rather than dealing with how to recognize and avoid
jerks. Or, you hate your job. You’re afraid of quitting because you’re afraid
you won’t be able to get another job. Your fear gets in the way of exploring
your options, such as improving your skill set, checking out where employees
are needed, looking into job-search resources.
False Evidence
Appearing Real. Just like that scary witch who was nothing more than a
dressed-up 12 year old, your fear is nothing more than a “heads up, pay
attention here” warning sign. Important, yes. In your best interest, yes.
Something to dwell on? No.
Heed the warning; dismiss the fear. Give fear its due, thank
it for doing its job, and let it go. The sooner the better. Happy Halloween!
No comments:
Post a Comment