Does the seeming impossibility of reaching your New Year fitness goals have you beyond frustrated? How can you pay attention to something as seemingly selfish as personal well-being when there’s so much else to take care of: family, work, etc.? In this podcast discover how to easily get to that energized self you want to be and truly deserve!
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The first month of the New Year is traditionally when we give thought to what we might want next in our lives. As in wanting to change, or achieve, or hoping will be different. Such as the idea of better relationships with family, friends, loved ones, even pets. Starting with having less conflict or arguments with our nearest and dearest. Well, supposed to be our nearest and dearest. . .
A tried-and-true way of getting there can be summed up very simply by the phrase, “Seek first to understand.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? We all want to be more understanding of the others in our lives. Preferably without turning into doormats. But what does it really mean? And how do you get there?
Glad you asked. You see, “Seek first to understand” is actually a great way to defuse conflict because it lets you step back from a defensive posture. When you don’t attempt to respond with righteous push-back, but instead first try to understand where your partner, co-worker, child, or pet is coming from, chances are there won’t be an argument. Oh, you still may not come to a perfect solution, but as you understand what matters to the other, you open the door to negotiation, compromise, and eventually mutually acceptable solutions.
The easiest, most effective way to get to understanding someone else’s position or thinking, is to first take a breath and take a mental step back so you don’t march in with your automatic “That makes no sense!” or “You’re wrong, that’s all there is to it.” Then, as calmly and neutrally as you can, say something like “Ok, I hear you. Please tell me more.” And then wait. If that means internally counting to 10, so be it. 10 it is. Or 15 or 20. Whatever you need to help you stay calm. Meanwhile, if they stand there in stunned disbelief, which is highly likely, or ask “What do you mean, tell you more? There’s nothing more to say,” respond (calmly!) with something like “Tell me more about what that means to you, how it matters.” Once again, wait.
The wording of this technique is important. “Tell me more” gets you further than “I want to understand” which makes them ask about you. “Tell me more” makes it about them. And asking what something means and how it matters doesn’t engage the other’s defensiveness, whereas asking “why” most often does.
“Seek first to understand” rather than seeking first to win the argument. Try the “tell me more” technique and see for yourself just how much further it takes you along the road to peaceful relationships in every area of your life.
Happy 2025!
Why is it you can be kind, compassionate, patient, forgiving with everyone as you go about your work day, yet when it comes to dealing with your family, wham! All that flies out the window, and instead of being your best self, you are your worst self. On the offense, nowhere near kind or forgiving. Find out, in this podcast, how to stay in your best self even (especially) with your nears-and-dears, so that you can have the satisfying relationships you so deserve.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Really? Is that all it takes? Being on time? Heck, yes! Why? How? Well, that’s what you will explore in this podcast: the hows, wheres and whys of the serious career and job advantages of simply – being on time.
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Really? With bills to pay, rent to cover, kids to corral, too much to do in too little time, especially with the Holidays upon us and all the extra stuff that needs tending, doing, paying for? Joy? Give it a rest.
Well, I would, except joy is our basic nature. It’s what everything else we do is aiming for. Yes, money is nice, but why? For the joy it brings us in the form of comfort and/or giving to others. Success is grand, but why? For the joy of accomplishment, of expressing ourselves to the fullest of our being-ness. Raising a family is for many, an ardent wish, but why? For the joy of it.
But too often, in the hectic pace of our lives, we forget about all this. We focus on all that is going wrong, or could go wrong, or might if we’re not incredibly careful, go wrong. And so, we miss out on the very essence of life - which babies and dogs know all about, BTW. Joy!
This special time of year is meant to be one of gratitude, kindness, compassion, and yes, joy. So why not give yourself the gift of joy? It’s easy and doesn’t cost a dime. All it takes is a willingness to focus a little more on what’s going right in your life. Or could go right. Or might, just might, go right.
Like the fact that the sun came up, pretty much right on cue. That the earth is still turning in its orbit. Dang! You’re still breathing. And then there are the circumstances of your life that are personal to you. For me, it’s that despite a tweaked knee, I’m still dancing. My dogs are wonderful, even when they trek their muddy paws all over my newly washed floors. I have friends who are happy to see me, and I them. Joy!
As you go through your days, this Holiday Season, allow yourself to notice your “going rights” wherever they may be, big or small. Because every time you appreciate what’s going right in your life, you add to your overall happiness, and isn’t that what it’s all about, anyway?
Joy!
Why can’t your partner seem to get with the agreements you made about the budget or other things? You’re right, you know you’re right, you keep your side of agreements, but here’s the thing. Your partner’s all upset with you! Perfect, wonderful you. This means you may have won that battle, but you’re on the way to losing your love. Discover in this podcast how to resolve your relationship issues in a way that handles what needs to be handled without sacrificing your love in the process.
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Are you ever frustrated over how little things irritate you, that you just can’t seem to get over? You do great with major crises, but dealing with your mother-in-law or snarky co-worker is beyond you. In this podcast, find out what’s truly in the way of letting go of life’s annoyances, so you don’t get dragged into misery on a daily basis!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
As I stood in line waiting for a table last week, a couple of people were leaving the restaurant. One of them was complaining about the fo...
