Another Life Lesson From My Dog

 

I have 2 dogs, both rescues. One of them is a German Shepherd mix, aka Baer, who had been tethered to a pole in a person’s yard with very little freedom of movement, for the first couple of years of his life. No big surprise, then, that once I adopted him, his great joy was to run around my yard with energy and gusto. He still does that, now at 13, but his legs don’t always cooperate. From time to time, Baer pulls a muscle and then hops around on 3 legs for a bit as he recovers.

Observing him, keeping a close watch to make sure nothing else is going on with him that would require vet care, I can’t help but notice that Baer never complains. He doesn’t bark in complaint at the rock that tripped him or at his doggie-brother who probably ran into him. He doesn’t whine, whimper, or otherwise express his displeasure at the current state of affairs. Baer simply adjusts his behavior to his current situation. He sleeps more, doesn’t run around quite as much, and only ups his activity level as his muscles heal.

Wish we were more like Baer! No matter what’s going on, complaining about it, blaming others or the state of the economy, the world, or the political situation of the day, isn’t going to solve/remedy our dilemma. It may feel better to blame and complain, certainly, but it doesn’t do any good. If anything, it keeps us focused on the negative, on the doom-and-gloom or 'poor-me' aspect, which hinders our ability to problem-solve creatively.

Successful people don’t do that. They have what’s called an “internal locus of control,” meaning that they believe they are in charge of what happens in their lives, and respond accordingly. Does that mean they – or we – are in charge of everything that happens in their lives? No! Of course, stuff happens that is outside of our control; however, we always have control over how we react to events and situations. It’s what separates those who are successful most of the time from those who are not, most of the time.

How do you plug into that “internal locus of control”? That willingness to react in a non-complaining, forward-looking, productive way to events and situations? Start with a 5-second recharge. Say what? Yes. First, take a deep breath (or 2 or 3, as needed), sit/stand up straight, think of something you are grateful for – it can be something as basic as “the sun came up” or “the earth is still turning on its axis”, it doesn’t matter what – and let that prime your pump for thinking of constructive ways to deal with your situation.

“I can do this” is always a good follow-up to repeat to yourself as you tackle whatever it is. And yes, you can.

 

Focus On The Full Experience: You’ll Get There Faster!

 

We rarely enjoy change, even when we want that change. We will usually find any excuse we can to avoid the necessary steps to whatever that change may be.

For example, given that it is light so much earlier in the day, I’ve been attempting to get up earlier lately. Sigh. For me, getting up earlier is just not fun. Oh, it’s not about getting enough sleep, I do that just fine, it’s more that it’s so nice and snuggly under the covers, I’m not remotely motivated to emerge from all that comfort. But what does motivates me and gets me out from under the covers is when I think of what I would experience in doing so: having more creative time in my day, given that mornings are when I am at my creative best.

Thinking about the full experience that we seek with whatever our desired change is, rather than dwelling on the discomfort (mental or otherwise) of what it would take to make that change, is often what makes it much more doable. 

Let’s say you’re sick of your current job. In plain speak, it sucks. Hours are too long, you’re underpaid and overused, and your boss wouldn’t know how to say ‘thank you’ for your extra-mile efforts if it bit him . . .

But here’s the thing: when you think about what it would take to get a new job, a better job, you’re exhausted before you even take the first step. You’d have to figure out what you want to do (realistically, not your fantasy of instant celebrity-endorsement bucks). Then you have to figure out if you have the skill set for what you’ve decided you want to do. After that, there’s your resume to polish up. Oh, and guess what? Then you have to sort out where to submit that resume. Which of the online services? Or who do you know who’d be willing to give you an in? The list of what’s needed goes on and on, and so there you stay: underpaid, overused, and never thanked.

What if, instead, you focus on the full experience you’re aiming for, the end result? That better job in which you can shine and be appreciated for your efforts. Now you have something to aim for, something that can motivate you to take those many steps essential to getting there.

Reframe Problems as Projects: Brilliant!

 

I came across a quote recently by Alan Cohen I think is pure genius: “When you reframe problems as projects, they will cease to bother you and begin to stimulate you.”

Pure genius for me, anyway, as it put my recent experience with a badly strained hamstring in perfect perspective. There I was, on the ballroom dance competition floor, in full “Country two-step” mode (yes, Country is part of ballroom dancing!), when my right foot slipped on the very slick floor, my right leg shot out from under me and down I went. The paramedics, ER and various X-rays, CT scans, etc., revealed no broken bones, no stress fractures, just a nasty strain. Which means six weeks of recovery. And that’s with PT.

The “problem” in that is “no dancing.” Yikes! Dancing is what thrills my soul, keeps me sane, and works my body big-time. Saying that “bothered” me is so far away from my truth it’s almost indescribable. Terrified and depressed would be closer to how I felt. But when I read Alan Cohen’s quote, I realized that I could take my required break from active dancing as a project, not a problem, and with that, I began to feel a lot better.

I decided to use the time to think through my dance technique and patterns, to watch YouTube videos of professional dancers for how I could improve my dancing, to confer with my instructor on what new skills we could implement once back on my feet. All in the service of using this downtime to my advantage, as opposed to moping on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

Project instead of problem. Problem, you see, implies a “stuckness,” something that impedes progress, whereas “project” implies forward motion. Solution. Movement towards a goal. Suddenly the whole of you is galvanized. You have a positive intention to orient yourself, around which you can gather your energy to best effect. Brilliant!

Ask yourself: where in your life is there a problem, that redefined as a project, might actually advance your happiness and success? Now that’s something worth thinking about. It certainly got me off the couch, still hobbling perhaps, but a whole lot happier and positively inspired!