Be Here, Now!

 

You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “Be here, now.” It’s a way to remind ourselves that life is lived in the present moment, and it’s well worth enjoying whatever we can in the present. But “Be here, now” is also a wonderful way to soothe ourselves when confronted by something anxiety-provoking or that upsets us. It’s not necessarily a solution or a cure-all, but it is a way to ground ourselves.

For example, I’m driving along a California freeway during rush hour. No one is going anywhere very fast, even though we’re in the “fast lane.” We’re sort of all muddling along at a respectable 50 mph. Suddenly a car some 10 car lengths ahead comes to an abrupt stop, which makes everyone behind that car stop abruptly, the domino effect, which is fine, except the car directly in front of me couldn’t stop quite fast enough, so they did exactly what the driver’s ed manual says to do, and veered into the left shoulder so as not to hit the car in front of them, and managed not to hit the concrete divider either.

Seeing this, my heart rate zoomed as I jammed on my brakes, praying that those behind me would as well, and fortunately, within minutes, everything settled down and cars started going again. Slowly. Very slowly. Meanwhile, to stop the frantic beating of my heart and incipient panic attack, I started in on my grounding mantra: “safe, warm and dry.” As in I’m safe, right here, right now. Right here, right now, I’m in my car, undamaged, unhurt, able to continue driving to my destination. I’m safe. In this moment, right here, right now, I’m OK. I take a couple of deep breaths to further calm myself, and off I go.

You may wonder about the “warm and dry.” In the aftermath of the wildfire that destroyed my home, not knowing where, what, how, when, or whatever else was going to happen, I repeated endlessly to myself “I’m safe, warm and dry.” That was the “here, now” that mattered. That I and my dogs were safe, warm and dry. Everything else was literally up for grabs.

No, grounding yourself isn’t intended to solve whatever situation has you scared or upset, but it will help your mind stop barreling down the rabbit hole of imminent disaster long enough to take realistic stock of whatever’s going on. To be more present to what’s required given the situation. In the “sudden stop” example, to resume driving with a sufficient degree of calm so that I could be a decent driver.

There’s power in the present, in the “here, now.” Don’t take it for granted, use it, appreciate it and enjoy its many benefits.

 

How to Be Supportive, Episode 94, Season 4

How powerful are the words we use, the things you say, or others say to you? Are your words helpful or hurtful?  Do what others say to you make you feel self-confident or fill you with doubt? What if in this podcast, you discovered not only are your words powerful, but that there’s a way to make sure you are being supportive rather than unnecessarily critical? Indeed!

Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.

 

Check out this latest episode!

Getting Unstuck, Episode 93, Season 4

What if there was a way to make change happen more easily in your life? What if you could, just by altering what you use as your reference points for the change you want, get things to happen more successfully for you? In this podcast, find out how to make change something you actually can look forward to, and how you can harness it to be happier in your life!

Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.

 

Check out this latest episode!

Be Your Own BFF

It doesn’t matter whether I’m having trouble learning a new dance step, stumped on a piece of writing that has an all-too-soon deadline or forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning, whatever, my immediate go-to is to diss myself. How could I be so stupid, inept, or unconscious that I find myself in this disheartening situation?!

Then I mentally flagellate myself for a while, before I finally remember to ask “Why am I martyring myself over this? What purpose?” Zip. None. Nada. My self-imposed suffering doesn’t solve the problem, make the discomfort go away, or achieve any other useful objective. If anything, all that mental anguish makes it harder to come up with solution-oriented thoughts, in addition to being a completely unnecessary waste of time.

Would I ever, in a million years, subject a friend to the mental battering I just inflicted on myself? No. Unequivocally, absolutely not. So why am I doing it to myself?

Simple! I’ve forgotten how important it is to be my own BFF. To remind myself that people make mistakes, and it’s OK. Most problems have a solution if one is willing to go down the solution path rather than continue to chase the problem down an unfathomable rabbit hole. Nobody’s perfect, certainly not me, and, mercifully, perfection isn’t required for a good and fulfilling life.

Of course, it’s wonderful when all goes according to plan, when things turn out just as you’d hoped they would, but it’s also important to always have a Plan B.  I’ve decided that my Plan B is to talk to myself the way my BFF would. She, marvelous being that she is, would cut me some slack. She’d point out to me how often things eventually turn out all right, and how most of the time, I sort out whatever it is without too much trouble. And how I have resources, inner and outer, to help me deal with whatever the issue is.

Be your own BFF. Lift yourself out of your “woe is me” by remembering how very capable you are, how supported you are, we all are, by those who inhabit our world, our “village.” You’ve wasted enough time martyring yourself. Remind yourself how often you’ve done well, and then get going on that solution hunt right away.

Yes, now. Right now. You got this!