Give Yourself a Great Start to 2026

 

Looking ahead to the New Year and how you expect it to unfold, can be tempting to get absorbed in whatever is currently trending, or whatever is “doom-ing and gloom-ing” at the moment. After all, there’s plenty going on in the world, in celebrity lives, in the constant push of the media, to keep one engaged or preoccupied.

Which is great, if such brings you joy. But if, on the contrary, you find you are living someone else’s life via trending, or depressed and distressed by some part of the political or world scene, perhaps it’s time to take a pause and consider: “Where’s the value in this for me?”

Yes, you. You are important, you count, your life matters. If to no one else, to you. And if some pursuit or mindless engagement in something doesn’t bring you value, let it go.

Value isn’t about what brings you money, although it can be that, in part. Value is what spurs your creativity, what answers your quest for purpose, what feels worthwhile when you’re doing it. Like relaxing with a good friend, a child or your partner. Like taking care of your pet, your home, your solitary office plant. Like learning a language, a sport, writing poetry or volunteering at your local animal shelter. The list is endless.

Value is subjective. As my ballroom instructor is fond of saying, “Everybody (every body) is different.” No one can define what will have value for you, but you know. It’s what makes you feel like life is worth living, that you are worth living it, and is invariably accompanied by feelings of joy and gratitude.

So, as you step boldly into this New Year, how about letting go of whatever no longer has value for you. And, instead, wholeheartedly embrace those pursuits, interests and whatever else has genuine value for you. Yes, YOU!

Happy 2026!

Three Surprisingly Powerful Words: Tell Me More

 

The first month of the New Year is traditionally when we give thought to what we might want next in our lives. As in wanting to change, or achieve, or hoping will be different. Such as the idea of better relationships with family, friends, loved ones, even pets. Starting with having less conflict or arguments with our nearest and dearest. Well, supposed to be our nearest and dearest. . .

A tried-and-true way of getting there can be summed up very simply by the phrase, “Seek first to understand.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? We all want to be more understanding of the others in our lives. Preferably without turning into doormats. But what does it really mean? And how do you get there?

Glad you asked. You see, “Seek first to understand” is actually a great way to defuse conflict because it lets you step back from a defensive posture. When you don’t attempt to respond with righteous push-back, but instead first try to understand where your partner, co-worker, child, or pet is coming from, chances are there won’t be an argument. Oh, you still may not come to a perfect solution, but as you understand what matters to the other, you open the door to negotiation, compromise, and eventually mutually acceptable solutions.

The easiest, most effective way to get to understanding someone else’s position or thinking, is to first take a breath and take a mental step back so you don’t march in with your automatic “That makes no sense!” or “You’re wrong, that’s all there is to it.” Then, as calmly and neutrally as you can, say something like “Ok, I hear you. Please tell me more.” And then wait. If that means internally counting to 10, so be it. 10 it is. Or 15 or 20. Whatever you need to help you stay calm. Meanwhile, if they stand there in stunned disbelief, which is highly likely, or ask “What do you mean, tell you more? There’s nothing more to say,” respond (calmly!) with something like “Tell me more about what that means to you, how it matters.” Once again, wait.

The wording of this technique is important. “Tell me more” gets you further than “I want to understand” which makes them ask about you. “Tell me more” makes it about them. And asking what something means and how it matters doesn’t engage the other’s defensiveness, whereas asking “why” most often does.

“Seek first to understand” rather than seeking first to win the argument. Try the “tell me more” technique and see for yourself just how much further it takes you along the road to peaceful relationships in every area of your life.

Happy 2025!

Make 2018 Your Year of Courage

You know how in Chinese astrology, the years are given different labels? Year of the Rat, Year of the Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, and so on. This year, 2018, is the Year of the Dog. People born in the Year of the Dog are said to have the best traits of human nature. Dog-lover that I am, I agree! And courage is certainly one of those traits.

So what if you decided to make 2018 your personal Year of Courage?

No, not courage in the sense of channeling your inner warrior (although that certainly has its place) but courage in the original meaning of the word: with heart.

What if you had the courage to accept yourself exactly as you are? Seeking improvement, sure, that’s what all those New Year’s Resolutions are about, but what if you started by accepting yourself in your present condition/situation. Loving who you have grown yourself to be, including the you who now wants improvement.

What if you had the courage to speak up for yourself, rather than defend yourself after the fact, or remain far too silent for far too long? And what if you spoke up for yourself from a place of courage – of heart – where you don’t need to scream, shout or hide your truth. Where you thought first about the most effective way to express yourself before you opened your mouth, which involves a lot more deliberate thinking and a lot less drama.

What if you had the courage to listen not just with your ears, but with your heart? What if your primary aim in listening was to understand what the other was saying. Not only the words, but the meaning, the importance of the communication to that person. What if you had the courage to ask for elaboration, for “more” in order to better understand, to dig deeper, rather than figuring out what your response will be before they even finish talking.

What if you had the courage to allow your friends, loved ones, and significant others, to lead their lives in the way that best suits them? What if you showed more interest in what gives them joy than you do in criticizing whatever you think they are doing “wrong”?

What if you had the courage to see that your way isn’t the only “right” way, that there are as many ways to live a fulfilling life as there are individuals striving to do so? What if you stopped trying to change your friends and loved ones, or control their behavior, not out of “Fine! Do it your way!” but out of love, out of respect for their right to make their own choices. Out of your courageous heart.

Courage. A small word – seven letters. A powerful word, because it takes all your heart, to be courageous.

Try it. Make this your year of Courage, and watch your life transform.

(Originally appeared in the Huffington Post. For more HP articles by Dr. Nelson, go to  http://bit.ly/2CRxN6W).

A Heartfelt New Year’s Resolution: Show You Care!

I heard the sirens behind me before I saw the flashing lights of an ambulance, followed closely by a fire truck. Like everyone else on the roadway, I looked around trying to figure out where the ambulance was heading, and as soon as I saw the lights, eased my car over to the right side of the road. Only the ambulance wasn’t traveling in the direction of traffic, the ambulance was heading for whichever side of the roadway was clear, if only for a few car-lengths -  much to the surprise, no doubt, of those in the oncoming lane of traffic.

I figured it must be a truly urgent emergency for the ambulance and fire truck to be commandeering both sides of Pacific Coast Highway. Nonetheless, drivers on either side were nudging their cars onto the side, out of the way. At no time did the ambulance have to blow its horn, slow down, or do anything else to get where it needed to go.

We care. We really do. In moments of crisis, large or small, our respect for one another simply as human beings, shows up. I am reminded of a very touching video posted in the final weeks of the chaotic Presidential campaigns, which featured a woman trying to find the owner of a lost dog found wandering in a parking lot. It was an “equal opportunity” posting, in that the same situation was played out in both Trump and Clinton rallies. The woman wore a “Trump” t-shirt in the Clinton situation, and a “Clinton” t-shirt in the Trump situation. Didn’t matter. People in both rallies, without exception, treated the woman with respect, and tried their very best to help her find the dog’s owner. Small crisis, true, but oh-so-telling.

We care. We really do. So what if, this New Year, we made a resolution to show our caring, our respect for our shared humanity, when it isn’t a matter of a lost dog or tragic accident? What if, just as a matter of course, throughout our most ordinary of days, we made the effort to give people the benefit of the doubt, to assume people are doing their best (including ourselves!), and to respect them, regardless of whether or not we agree with them.

I know, it’s easier to do with lost dogs than it is with co-workers or family, much less strangers who are rude to us or ignore us altogether. But heck, we’re still all in this together, and a little bit of respect and consideration goes a long way.

And who knows? Someone may give you some of that respect and consideration when you least expect it, in a most delightful way.

Happy New Year!