What Would Betty Crocker Do?

Some of you may remember who Betty Crocker was. For those of you who don’t, Betty Crocker was a fictional character, created in the 1920s to give a friendly face to cooking and baking products.  She was a cultural icon right through the mid-90s. To many over the decades, she represented kindness and goodness personified.

A dear friend of mine’s dad was an exec with General Mills, which owned the Betty Crocker name and likeness. He had a company portrait of “Ms. Crocker” on his home office wall. Whenever one of his children would act up or say something deemed inappropriate, their mother would ask: “What would Betty Crocker do?” The errant child knew immediately what that meant. Betty Crocker certainly wouldn’t say or do whatever misbehavior the child exhibited. it was a surprisingly effective disciplining technique that my friend has never forgotten.

To this day, when she’s in a quandary about something, my friend will ask herself: “What would Betty Crocker do?” and she knows right away what would be the appropriate, usually moral, high road to take.

You may have your own version of Betty Crocker (fictional or otherwise), the name matters not. What matters is that you have a ready example for yourself of how you would like to behave.

One of the most critical things such a “moral high road” person can teach us, is how to use our words to help, not to hurt.

You may think you can only hurt someone by name-calling, and certainly, attaching nasty labels to people is hurtful: “you’re bad, stupid, lazy." What we too often ignore, is how criticism--not just name-calling--can be more hurtful than helpful. To say to someone “You’re doing that wrong,” “You never help with the dishes,” “You’re always late,” may be accurate statements, but they may not be helpful.

Before you open your mouth to criticize, think first. What do you want to achieve? Do you want that “wrong” thing done differently? Instead of criticizing, suggest, graciously: “Did you want some help with that? I may know a way that’s easier.” If they say “no,” leave it be. Do you want help with the dishes? Ask for it, nicely! “Would you help me please with the dishes?” If you want someone to show up on time, ask for it (nicely!) in a way that’s more truthful: “I worry when I don’t see you at the time we agreed on. Can you text me or something if you’re running late?”

Yes, you may need to have a full-on conversation with the person about failure to help, or chronic lateness, but for that, you’ll want to engage in a proper discussion using good communication skills, which are beyond the scope of this post.

For now, simply ask yourself “What would Betty Crocker do?” and see how far you can get with a small dose of graciousness, of simply being nice.

The Great Kindness Challenge: What’s Yours?

Driving down Pacific Coast Highway the other day, I was surprised to see that the large light-board sign plunked in the median strip near a major cross-street read, “Don’t text and drive.” For the past many years, that sign read, “Don’t drink and drive.” Apparently texting has replaced drinking as the primary cause of accidents on that roadway.

Which brought to mind the many times I’ve found myself having to slow to a crawl when walking through the mall, or down a sidewalk, because the individual in front of me was walking verrry slowly as they texted away. Or stood immobile, unaware of how they were obstructing the shopper flow in a crowded supermarket.

No, this is not a rant against texters! Texting has many benefits, and I certainly enjoy those. But what it reminded me is how important it is for us to remain conscious of our impact on others.

Recently, I discovered the Great Kindness Challenge, started by Jill McManigal of Carlsbad, California, which encourages school kids to be kind to one another (and to themselves!) by performing as many acts of kindness as possible every week, chosen from a list offered by the Challenge, free of charge. Performing those acts helps the children be more conscious of how they are treating themselves and others. Which has already proven beneficial in creating a more joyous and harmonious environment, which in turn is conducive to a better learning environment.

Now then . . . what if we adults did the same? Became more conscious of how we treat ourselves, and how we behave toward others. Not just towards the significant others of our lives, like spouses, boy/girlfriends and family, but towards the people we encounter in our day to day. Many of the Challenge items would work just fine for grown-ups, anywhere, anytime, such as: “Smile at 25 people,” “Compliment 5 people,” “Make a new friend,” “Hold the door open for someone, “Pat yourself on the back.”

Making the world a better place most often starts with each of us making our own world - the one we live in day after day – a better place.

My personal challenge (given my passion for appreciation) is to thank people who don’t expect to be thanked: the maintenance worker in a public restroom (“Thanks for helping us stay clean!”), the police officer taking a Starbucks break (“Thanks for keeping us safe!”), the Caltrans workers who remove the mudslides on our California roads (“Thanks for cleaning up our roads!”) I get an awful lot of surprised looks, almost always followed by a very pleased smile.

What’s yours? How would you best like to implement a Kindness Challenge in your life? Different from performing random acts of kindness (as wonderful as those are!), a Kindness Challenge is directly addressed to specific people, there’s nothing random about it. Above all, what it accomplishes is to increase our awareness of the impact we have on others.

We are an interconnected world, and kindness breeds more kindness. Thank you, Great Kindness Challenge, for reminding us of the power of ordinary, everyday – kindness!