Is it ever just all too much? That the marriage or job or friendship you counted on to last forever falls apart? Or some dreaded disease afflicts your beloved child and all you can do is rant and rave? Rather than turning into a perpetually miserable victim or anger finger-pointer, discover in this podcast a far more effective and soul-restoring process!
As I stood in line waiting for a table last week, a couple of people were leaving the restaurant. One of them was complaining about the food, the few waiters, and how long it took to get their order. Meanwhile, the other person was saying: “Gosh, I don’t know. I liked the variety of the menu and the friendliness of the service. I didn’t pay attention to much of anything else.”
Dang. Talk about a difference in perspective! It occurred to me that perspective is really what often makes the same experience fun for one person, and miserable for another. It all depends on what you choose to focus on. And what you choose to ignore.
Choose is the operative word. There is no doubt that there is always enough going on in each of our worlds to find something to complain about or something to appreciate. My personal solution to getting caught in unexpected traffic, for example, is one of two “appreciations.” Either I crank up the music I’m listening to, or I look with admiration at the trees and bushes that persist in growing at the side of the freeway regardless of that day’s air quality. I am deliberately choosing to ignore how annoying the unexpected traffic is. Because otherwise, I’ll arrive at my appointment out of sorts, cranky, and inflict my orneriness on nice people who don’t deserve it.
Yes, stuff happens. Yes, your boss may be a pill, but there are no doubt some aspects of your job you can enjoy if you just let yourself. You don’t need to focus on the awfulness of your boss all the time. Give yourself a happiness break, i.e., change your focus if only for a few minutes.
Of course, there are nasty life circumstances that require our full attention and which we cannot, and should not, ignore. But these are not what constitute the majority of our time. And even within nasty life circumstances, one can choose to focus on the parts of the experience that lean into the good, rather than only observing that which is bad. This is how 7-year-old Talaya Crawford, daughter of pro boxer, Terence "Bud" Crawford, won a 200-meter sprint at her school. Talaya lost a shoe at the start of the sprint, which by any athlete’s definition is “nasty.” How can you possibly race with only one shoe? If Talaya had chosen to focus on the lost shoe, she could easily have given up. Plopped down right there on the course. But no! Talaya chose to focus on her gumption, her “not gonna quit” belief in her abilities, and ran her way to victory.
It doesn’t matter
if it’s an athletic feat, getting through your work day, or having lunch out.
What you choose to focus on during the experience is what will determine how
happy – or not – you are. The more you choose to focus on what brings you joy,
and the less emphasis you put on the parts you don’t like, the happier you will
be.
Why can’t you get heard? Why, no matter how loudly, angrily or with tears abounding you speak your distress, your partner stands there like a stone? Aargh! In this podcast, you’ll find out how to express your unhappiness in a way that your partner can hear you and respond. Hopefully appropriately! Oh, the sweet relief. . .
You can’t help yourself. When “stuff” hits the fan, you go down that rabbit-hole of dread and despair so fast, it not only hurts, it hurts bad! But what if there was a way to avoid the rabbit-hole altogether? In this podcast, you’ll learn a surprising technique that will help you turn any “stuff” to your advantage. Yes!
 |
| Dr. Joshua Miele |
I settled on the couch and looked through some good-feel websites, hoping to get myself in a better place. I did more than that. I found a sensational source of positive inspiration, in the person of Dr. Joshua Miele, who at all of four years old, was burned and blinded by acid in a most unfortunate event, yet went on to create an extraordinary life for himself – and others. Dr. Miele has devoted his career to inventing ways for vision-impaired and other disabled people to navigate through life without bumping into obstacles and facing innumerable issues in the course of their day-to-day. Now, at 53, married with children, Dr. Miele is a Principal Accessibility Researcher with Amazon! He is charged with developing ways to make Amazon’s many products accessible to all, a job he relishes.
So much for my pity party! Dr. Miele speaks of never having considered himself a victim. He doesn’t think of himself as a walking tragedy, either. Just as someone who has had something happen that needed to be dealt with. His attitude is what fueled his desire to achieve a happy and successful life and by doing that he can help others do the same.
Attitude! It truly is what makes the difference. It’s not what happens to us, but how we respond to it that determines how any given event impacts our lives. Dr. Miele’s story reminded me once again, how much more important it is for us to mind our response than it is to moan and groan over the whatever. It’s irrelevant whether the event was traumatic or – like my pre-competition whining – simply annoying, our willingness to adopt a forward-looking, solution-oriented attitude can make all the difference between finding happiness versus dwelling in misery.
I got myself up off that couch, strapped on my
dancing shoes, and practiced my routines for the umpteenth time, only now with
renewed hope and enthusiasm. With a panting audience of two happy dogs once
again in attendance.
Do you ever feel that you can’t do anything right? That you can’t get things to go your way no matter how hard you try? Rather than deciding something must be wrong with you – or with whoever’s not being helpful - discover in this podcast a different, far more powerful and empowering (!) approach!
Amid the pandemic, when we were for the most part quarantined, urged to remain indoors as much as possible, I had an overwhelming urge to get out into nature. Living as I do in Southern California, I figured I could go find a beach and stare at the ocean for a bit without breaking any quarantine regulations.
I loaded the dogs into the car, and off we went. I found a nice stretch of deserted beach and walked myself and my pups down as close to the ocean as we could without getting wet. The fact that it was a cold gloomy overcast day didn’t bother me at all. I breathed in the salt air, the enormity of sea and sky until I felt full of nature’s bounty. Packed the dogs back in the car, and drove home feeling relieved and serene.
Little did I know that I’d just given myself a “PaRx” – a nature prescription – as increasing numbers of Canadian physicians have been giving to their anxious and depressed patients. The healing properties of a couple of hours per week in nature are amazing. It benefits young and old, rich and poor, healthy and not-so-healthy. Research shows that spending time in nature is good for pretty much anything that ails you. Parks, beaches, forests – your choice. Nature is healing in all her forms.
But what if you haven’t the time or access to a park/beach/forest? There’s an alternative: indoor plants. Yes indeed, studies show that spending time with houseplants also has many health benefits. Real plants (not plastic, sorry) can reduce stress, sharpen attention, provide cleaner air, boost productivity, and facilitate healing, to name but some of the benefits. What a gift.
So whether you indulge in that glorious weekly two hours
outdoors, or simply spend time tending and enjoying your couple of perky
houseplants, go for it! You’ve nothing to lose, and lots of benefits to gain.
As I stood in line waiting for a table last week, a couple of people were leaving the restaurant. One of them was complaining about the fo...
