The 20-Minute Rule

 

My resolution for the New Year is actually very simple: The 20 Minute Rule. It means I no longer allow myself to worry over anything for more than 20 minutes. Anything. Not the state of my health, finances, relationships, the world – anything.

Why should this rank as a valid resolution? Well, because too often whatever the worry is can all too easily morph into a perfectly awful, depressing, miserable whole day. I have done that more than once, and it never made the worrisome thing go away. So, yes, for me at least, a valid resolution.

Sounds easy, right? Huh! Try it. Dang. Because it’s no fair stopping the worry about, say, the balance in my checking account after 20 minutes, only to start worrying about it again an hour or two later. Certainly not about the same dismal balance. Why 20 minutes? Because it often takes me about 20 minutes to realize I’ve been obsessively worrying about something. . .

The good news is that worrying is a habit, as anything else we do repetitively, and habits are made, therefore can be broken. Or, more accurately stated – developed, and therefore allowed to devolve into nothingness once again.

That being said, sometimes whatever I’m worrying about requires attention. Attention, yes, not worry. Proactive problem solving is the best alternative to worry.

Think of worry as an attention-getter. Something that alerts you to a situation that requires your attention. Not your fear, anguish, despair or anger – but your attention! Which in turn can lead to effective problem-solving to deal with whatever is causing you to worry.

After all, when you’re worrying about the weather, what you’re really worrying about is if you can get to work OK, or if your kids took their rain gear, or if the roof will leak. All of those are things about which you can take proactive steps, thus quashing the worry. The weather itself? Nah. That you can’t do much about. So don’t try. Let worry get your attention focused on what you can do something about, and go for it.

Adopt The 20 Minute Rule for this stellar New Year, and watch what happens. Worry will vanish, and you will feel empowered once again.

Happy New Year!

Get Your Whole Self In New Year’s Resolution Gear!

Ever wonder why your well intentioned New Year’s resolutions fade away somewhere around March? You started off with enthusiasm and zeal, only to find yourself in the land of “eh, who needs it?” and “what was I thinking, anyway?” a few weeks down the road.

There are lots of reasons for that, the primary one being complete lack of reality-thinking. For example, the classic “I’m going to lose 20 pounds by next month!” without planning just how those unwanted pounds are going to disappear. “I’ll exercise!” Uh-huh. When? Doing what? For how long? And so on.

You know this already, but one aspect of New Year’s resolution failure you probably haven’t considered is – polarization. It’s something we see in the political world these days, whether in the US or abroad. It seems there’s a lot of “for” and “against” with little room for common ground, which makes it challenging for anything to move forward.

Well, polarization is what often trips you up in the resolutions department: part of you is “for” the resolution, and part of you is “against.” You certainly think your entire self is lined up for “lose those pounds,” or “get that promotion,” or “start my own business,” but usually there’s an equally vigorous part of you that doesn’t want to drag yourself to the gym before/after work, or doesn’t want to learn the new software/put in the extra hours toward that promotion, or deal with the hassle of LLCs and start-up funding for a new business. And that’s why you stall. Within you are two opposing forces, polarized against each other. Stalemate.

The answer, although simple, isn’t necessarily easy. Yup, you have to get all of you on board. The most efficient way is to provide the “for the resolution” side of yourself adequate resources and support. Which makes it harder for the “against” side of you to prevail.

For example, if you enroll in a group Pilates/cycling/dance class to help you shed those pounds, you’ll be more inclined to actually go do the necessary exercise. If you block out a dedicated time-slot toward doing whatever you deem necessary to earn your promotion, and give yourself a small reward once you finish your allotted time, you’ll find it easier to actually put in the time. Create a vision board for your new business, set intermediate goals for what needs to be done, reward yourself all along the way.

In other words, turn your resolution into a reality by making the steps to getting there equally real. Be aware of the “against” side of yourself (we all have one, I should know!) and counter it with “Not listening to you!” as needed.

Whatever it is you’ve set forth for yourself this New Year, you can do it. You know you can! Just get your whole self in gear and watch yourself succeed.

Engage The Power of The Possible to Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions

The New Year is ushered in with depictions of a baby: pretty obvious symbolism, right? New Year, new beginnings, new resolutions.

But babies usually go on to crawl, toddle, and eventually, run. Why don’t our New Year’s resolutions fare as well? Usually we crawl through them, maybe toddle a bit, but then fall down. And stay down. Run with it? Oh please, in your dreams. So much for that new diet/exercise regimen/budget resolution. Or whatever was on your “Gonna get that done this year!” list.

But here’s the thing: if babies had a “fall-down-and-stay-down” attitude, we’d all still be on our backs staring at mobiles. The question then is, how do babies do it? What do babies have that we don’t?

Babies have a great case of the “possibles.” Babies have no concept of the impossible. They don’t question, “Can I walk?” “Will I walk?” they just persist until they do. We adults, however, doubt everything. The moment you fall off your diet/exercise regimen/budget or whatever your New Year’s resolution, you’re “Can’t do this, it’s never going to happen,” which too often morphs into “I’m a loser, a failure, might as well give up now.”

When I went back to ballet class, after many years (read “decades”), I was loaded with doubts. I figured my no-longer-20-30-40 year old body wasn’t up for much, but what the heck; I’d give it a try. For those of you who haven’t attended a ballet class, know that it is a totally “no talking” environment. The teacher gives instructions and corrections, and the students absorb. Silently. No objections, no arguing, no talking back.

The teacher shows us a series of steps. I think “Yeah, right. Impossible.” I fumble through it. The teacher corrects me, expecting me to manage the steps. She doesn’t ask me if I think I can do them, or how much pain this ridiculous position is causing me. She just corrects me--again. So it goes, week after week.

Lo and behold, eventually, I get it right. More importantly, the teacher’s belief in what was possible for me completely over-rode my belief in all that was impossible. I eventually went way beyond what I had thought imaginable.

What I learned from that ballet experience was to start any project, go for any dream, adopt my New Year’s resolutions with all the reasons why it would be possible for me to achieve. And whenever I fell down, to categorically refuse to accept all the “ah, this is impossible” thoughts that would instantly come to mind.

Write down your New Year’s resolution. Write all the reasons why this resolution is possible. Go for at least 10 reasons, 20 is even better. Keep your list handy so you can see it every day. Whenever you don’t succeed in the moment or struggle with your resolution, review your list. Affirm to yourself all your “possibles.”

Get into that “anything is possible” mindset, and go for it. Or as Robert H. Schuller famously said: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”