Best Holiday Gift – EVER!

 

What could be the best gift ever? A free trip to Paris? London? Bali? Some other wondrous and exotic locale? A spanking new Tesla/Corvette/Ford F-150? An evening with your favorite celeb? Free tech everything for life? Your kids being considerate and obedient for a day? (OK, a whole hour). The list is endless. . .

But, no. The best holiday gift you could ever give or receive is simply to know, acknowledge, and appreciate that everyone is always doing the best they can, with what they have, from where they are. Including yourself.

Really? Yes. Because whatever someone is doing, whether you like it or not, is the best they can manage, considering their mental, emotional, physical and financial resources, and their competence and confidence in using those resources.

The overworked cashier who snapped at you, when you just wanted to run back and get that one more item, really is doing their best, given their fatigue dealing with harried customers and less-than-helpful co-workers, their personal family issues and that nagging feeling that their paycheck just isn’t going to go far enough this month.

The holidays stress people out more than any other time of year. The season of “Peace on Earth, Good Will to All” is rarely peaceful, and goodwill is scarce. Not that we’re bad people, deliberately slighting, ignoring or otherwise being mean or disrespectful to others.

It’s because we’re ridiculously busy trying to fulfill all the holiday obligations no single human could possibly fulfill to the satisfaction of all concerned. Between the gift buying for which we never have enough ready cash, the festivities to arrange and provide for, the decorating, the obligatory family get-togethers – well, you know the rest.

We are all, truly, doing the best we can with what we have from where we are at the moment. Just recognizing that will ease your stress. Not eradicate it, but smooth it out, making things more doable, more tolerable.

Your mother-in-law really isn’t trying to make your life miserable. She just thinks her holiday feast menu is the superior choice, and she expects you to adopt it (and cook it) with cheers and adulation. OK, fine. When you stop to acknowledge, within yourself, that she really is doing the best she can, given her perspective on how things are done, you can lighten up a little, maybe look for compromise solutions.

Most importantly, look upon yourself with new eyes. Superman/Wonderwoman you may be, but you’ll still never please everyone all of the time. Especially not during the holidays, when expectations are heightened and disappointment is rife. Instead, deliberately appreciate yourself, knowing that you really, truly, are doing the best you can with what you have from where you are.

Doesn’t that already feel better?

Happy Holidays!

The Best Free Gifts for The Holidays

 

 

The Holidays. A time of giving. And giving and giving, until sometimes it feels like you are nothing but a shopping/buying machine, and the joy of giving, well . . . it’s going-going-gone.

But what if there were a way of giving that costs you nothing but a nano-second of attention? No currency – paper, plastic or crypto – involved. Zip. Nada. Actually, two ways of giving. Both of which give joy to the receiver, and guess what? To you as well.

Namely, compliments and thank yous. Compliments simply consist of noticing something pleasing about a person or their behavior. Compliments range from “What a great smile you have!” to “You are so thoughtful,” to “You do that so well!” Compliments can be given to friends, family, and total strangers. Especially at this hectic time of year, compliments genuinely and freely given to cashiers, sales reps, baristas and the many individuals who help us with our Holiday errands are greatly appreciated. And of course, your friends and family may very well be in shock to receive such an unprompted “You rock!”

Compliments must of course be socially appropriate. Generally, complimenting someone on their physical attributes is not appropriate. Unless it’s your partner or BFF, in which case it may be OK. However, best to err on the side of caution, and compliment accordingly.

Thank yous can be given any time anywhere to anyone for anything! A favorite of mine is to make sure to thank someone who least expects it and so often feels invisible—say the cleaner in a public bathroom (like at the airport). The look of grateful surprise on their face is enough to make my day. Same with thanking the postal carrier, a customer rep, even your child. Nothing beats giving that tiniest bit of Holiday joy to all.

Besides, who knows? It may become a habit, and what better way to celebrate the Season?

Thank you all for reading “A Note From Dr. Noelle” and Happy Holidays!!

The Ultimate Holiday Gift That Truly Keeps On Giving

The airport was crowded, noisy, chaotic. Nothing unusual about that. I was waiting, properly queued up, to board my flight. To my right was a line of nine wheelchair-bound folk also waiting patiently. All but one, who was waiting not so patiently. She was sixth in the line of pre-boarding wheelchairs, and she was not happy about it. She muttered and groused about how long it was taking, and who did they think they were to put her sixth in line, she’d get a terrible seat, and it was going to be too hot anyway or too cold, they  could never get the air right, and she’d probably be next to someone coughing and hacking, and for sure she’d get sick….

How much complaining can one person do? I wondered to myself. Considering that the flight was boarding in plenty of good time to leave right on schedule, that she was being wheeled on as a pre-boarder before everyone else, so no worries about getting pretty much whatever seat she wanted, what on earth did she have to be so grouchy about?

Then it hit me. I was complaining about the lady complaining! Ack! Right on the heels of my very unpleasant self-discovery, I remembered my own litany of “woe is me” yada-yada during a meeting I attended the previous week: “This is a complete waste of my time. What am I doing here? Gosh, still another 45 minutes to go? This is ridiculous.” And on and on, albeit silently, just as grouchy-ouchy as the airport lady.

That did it. I decided that the best possible gift I could give to my friends and family this Holiday season wasn’t one wrapped in sparkly red-and-green ribbon, but rather one lovingly wrapped in good intentions. A three-parter, actually.

1. I would cease to complain about whatever I didn’t like about what was going on.

Period. I would zip it, put a lid on it, change the subject, go to my happy place, do whatever it took to quit complaining, out loud or in my head.

2. I would take responsibility for my situation. If I didn’t like something, I would change it. If I couldn’t change the situation, I’d walk away or change the channel, and leave it be. If I could neither change it nor walk away, I’d daydream, go somewhere else in my head. Which given my over-developed imagination is pretty easy to do.

3. I’d put my focus on what was working for me, on whatever I could find to genuinely like or appreciate in the situation. I could, in that time-waster meeting, for example, have shifted my focus from the time-wasting to deliberately looking for even a single nugget of useful information. I’ll bet with just a tiny bit of effort, I could have found something of value to take home with me.

I’ve been practicing my Holiday gift approach, cracking myself up at how much internal complaining I seem to be capable of, but at least now aware of it, and with a game plan I’m actively working on. Does it take patience, determination, persistence? Sure. But what the heck, as far as I’m concerned, it’s well worth it—my small contribution toward peace on earth, good-will towards all.

Best wishes for a wonderful Holiday Season!!