A Gut-Wrench-Saving Question: Is It Worth It?

 

You can hardly go anywhere these days without someone wanting to talk politics: local, national, global. The internet keeps us apprised of seemingly everything that’s happening everywhere on the planet at every instant--every tweet, photo-op (legit or not) and glitch.

All this is fine if it weren’t for the fact that we all, each and every one of us, have an opinion about the latest bit of political whatever. A friend of mine was telling me in no uncertain terms that I was wrong, just dead wrong, about my opinion, and began to enumerate all the reasons why she was right. I was lining up my counter-reasons in my head, all set to pepper her with how wrong she was, when suddenly my inner Obi-Wan Kenobi popped up with; “Take the high ground . . Is it worth it?”

Screech! (Sound of mental brakes.) I looked at my dear friend, whom I love for a gazillion reasons, and realized no, it’s not worth it! I’m never going to budge her from her opinion, and all the resulting argument would have done was wrench my stomach and hurt my heart. All for nothing.

I switched my focus. Sounds easy, just four little words, but it’s probably one of the most challenging things I’ve learned to do – and still must practice consistently. I admired my friend’s passion for her stance, her ability to articulate it so fully and her ardent desire to communicate it to me. Which allowed me to calmly, with a decent amount of humor, present my thoughts. No arguing, no “you’re wrong,” just an Obi-Wan Kenobi-esque civilized reply.

There are umpteen situations in which asking “Is it worth it?” can help you avoid unnecessary stress and misery. When that jerk cuts you off in traffic waving a hand with a certain finger rigidly upheld, instead of responding in kind, asking “Is it worth it?” allows you to just let it go. He/she’s the jerk, not you. Or you’re standing in what you think is the returns line only to find out it’s the pick-up line, and you have to start all over. You can get irate and grouchy (thereby ruining your day), or you can ask yourself “Is it worth it?” chalk it up to experience, and continue on to a pleasant day.

Any time you find yourself getting irritated, angry, annoyed or defensive, ask yourself first, “Is it worth it?” If it isn’t, either let it go, or find a calm, preferably humorous way to address whatever got you going. And if it is “worth it,” then marshal your thoughts with care, and communicate them with as little emotional upheaval as you can.

You may be surprised at how much isn’t “worth it.”

Thank you, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Celebrate Love On Valentine's Day—Not Just Romance

Photo Credit: Karri Carberry

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching--along with all the romance, roses and chocolate traditionally part of the day's celebration.

But here’s the thing. Why should Valentine’s Day be reserved for romance alone? Why don't we celebrate love itself?

A Canadian resident, Karri Carberry, 19, was introduced to a band called “Three Days Grace” by her Dad a number of years ago, a passion they happily shared. So when the band was scheduled to play in Edmonton, Alberta, she immediately got tickets and invited her Dad to come with. There was just one hiccup; her Dad is now deaf. This, however, did not deter either of them. Karri interpreted the lyrics in sign language for her Dad, so he too could enjoy the concert. When other members of the audience – at first annoyed by Karri’s signing (“What is that girl up to?!”) – realized what she was doing, they were astounded, and ended up entranced by her interaction with her Dad.

No greater love hath a daughter!

This, to me, is the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. A recognition of the love we have for each other, and a celebration of that love through words and actions that reflect it. Yes, flowers and romantic dinners are marvelous. But so is signing for your deaf Dad, taking over the family chores so Mom can have a day to herself, and encouraging your little sister that yes, she can be president one day.

Love comes in many forms, and can be expressed in a myriad of ways. Be mindful of just what would spell “love” to those you cherish. Don’t restrict yourself to tangible things. On the contrary, open yourself, for example, to how valuable appreciation, praise and encouragement are.

Think back to what it felt like when someone let you know that you were worthy, capable, or that you inspired them to be more than they thought they could be. That’s love! Just because it didn’t come on Valentine’s Day wrapped in a gold ribbon is it any less special.

This Valentine’s Day, give what is most precious to those you love, in ways that will touch them deeply. This Valentine’s Day, celebrate love! You’ll be loving yourself in the process.

Get Your Whole Self In New Year’s Resolution Gear!

Ever wonder why your well intentioned New Year’s resolutions fade away somewhere around March? You started off with enthusiasm and zeal, only to find yourself in the land of “eh, who needs it?” and “what was I thinking, anyway?” a few weeks down the road.

There are lots of reasons for that, the primary one being complete lack of reality-thinking. For example, the classic “I’m going to lose 20 pounds by next month!” without planning just how those unwanted pounds are going to disappear. “I’ll exercise!” Uh-huh. When? Doing what? For how long? And so on.

You know this already, but one aspect of New Year’s resolution failure you probably haven’t considered is – polarization. It’s something we see in the political world these days, whether in the US or abroad. It seems there’s a lot of “for” and “against” with little room for common ground, which makes it challenging for anything to move forward.

Well, polarization is what often trips you up in the resolutions department: part of you is “for” the resolution, and part of you is “against.” You certainly think your entire self is lined up for “lose those pounds,” or “get that promotion,” or “start my own business,” but usually there’s an equally vigorous part of you that doesn’t want to drag yourself to the gym before/after work, or doesn’t want to learn the new software/put in the extra hours toward that promotion, or deal with the hassle of LLCs and start-up funding for a new business. And that’s why you stall. Within you are two opposing forces, polarized against each other. Stalemate.

The answer, although simple, isn’t necessarily easy. Yup, you have to get all of you on board. The most efficient way is to provide the “for the resolution” side of yourself adequate resources and support. Which makes it harder for the “against” side of you to prevail.

For example, if you enroll in a group Pilates/cycling/dance class to help you shed those pounds, you’ll be more inclined to actually go do the necessary exercise. If you block out a dedicated time-slot toward doing whatever you deem necessary to earn your promotion, and give yourself a small reward once you finish your allotted time, you’ll find it easier to actually put in the time. Create a vision board for your new business, set intermediate goals for what needs to be done, reward yourself all along the way.

In other words, turn your resolution into a reality by making the steps to getting there equally real. Be aware of the “against” side of yourself (we all have one, I should know!) and counter it with “Not listening to you!” as needed.

Whatever it is you’ve set forth for yourself this New Year, you can do it. You know you can! Just get your whole self in gear and watch yourself succeed.