Life Is Meant for Joy!

 

A woman is running on the treadmill next to me at the gym, moaning and complaining the whole time. How miserable she is at having to work out, how hard it is to get herself to the gym knowing she’s in for an hour of pain. How she’d rather do pretty much anything other than deal with exercise machines and lifting weights and making herself “do just one more.”

Tired of hearing her litany of woes, I turned to her as I got off my treadmill and said “So don’t.” “Don’t what?” “Don’t work out if you hate it so much.” “Yeah, right. How am I supposed to stay fit and energized if I don’t work out?” “Try another approach.”

She looked at me as if I’d totally lost it. “Whatever.” “No, really. You could take up pickleball or running or tennis or Zumba or any form of dance. There are umpteen ways of staying fit. You don’t need to make yourself miserable.” “Fine, whatever,” she replied, obviously not having any of it.

And I thought, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we stick with something that makes us miserable? Life is meant for joy! Not misery. Yes, of course, there are circumstances and events in our lives that cause us pain and unhappiness. But much of the time, we are the architects of our own lack of joy. We put up with jobs we don’t like, relationships that aren’t a fit for us, follow the trend of the day even when it doesn’t feel good, and on and on.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to stay with whatever choice we made that no longer brings us satisfaction. We can forge a different path, explore something else and take the risk of leaving the familiar. Because that’s where we get stuck. On the familiar. On the tried and true, whatever that means for us. We’d rather stick with what we know, even if we don’t like it.

Rebel! Refuse to be unhappy. Take one small step in the direction of something that might, just might, bring you more satisfaction. Try it. Take another small step. If you don’t like it, no worries, go try something else. With a small step. Then another and another. It may take a while, but surely a life of discovery and adventure is more pleasing than decades of complaining. Just sayin’.

Life is meant for joy. As much as you possibly can, enjoy it!

The Power of Setting Limits, Episode 90, Season 4

Why, when you just want to chill but your partner is demanding, do you just cave into them, shelving your needs, and ending up resentful? In this podcast, discover a way to satisfy your partner’s needs without sacrificing your own. Wouldn’t that be nice!

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Put An End to Self-Blame! Episode 89, Season 4

Ever notice how when you’ve made a mistake or failed at something, your immediate reaction is to see yourself as dumb, stupid or a complete loser? In this podcast, find out how you can quit hurting yourself with self-blame and deal constructively with the mistakes and failures we all fall into!

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Quit Inflicting “BUT” on Yourself!

 

While I was waiting for my dance class to start, I watched an instructor patiently coach a couple through what was obviously one of their first lessons. The instructor was having them do a “box step,” which is what it sounds like. A “box” made with your feet. It consists of two parts, a forward half box and a backward half box. Each half box has three steps: a step forward or backward, a step to the side, and a step to close the feet together. The instructor was counting out the steps slowly. Very slowly.

The woman was getting the hang of it pretty well, but the guy was not. Oh, the steps weren’t throwing him, it was the timing of the steps. “I’m sorry, Honey,” he said to his partner, “but I can’t dance. You know I can’t. There’s just no way.” The instructor looked at him and said, “But you can walk, right?” “Well, yeah,” he replied. “So, let’s just walk. Hold your partner, like you were, in front of you. You walk forward, she’ll walk backward,” the instructor explained. The instructor checked in with the woman, who replied: “Yeah, I’m fine with that.”

And off they went, the instructor counting off the steps, giving the walk a rhythm. I could take bets that by the end of their lesson, the man would know how to do a box step, the first on his journey to being able to – you guessed it – dance!

Here’s why. The instructor, the wise person that she is, used the word ‘but’ as a positive, as in “But you can walk,” instead of the man’s negative “But I can’t dance,” which is what we dismally do to ourselves so often. We “but” ourselves out of so many things we’d love to be or have or do. “But I could never afford that car/dress/travel,” as opposed to “But I could start saving and who knows? It might add up faster than I think.” Or, to your long-held dream of writing songs: “But I can’t play an instrument, I haven’t an ear for music,” instead of “But what if I found a musician who could work with me? After all, Beethoven composed some of his most famous works when he was completely deaf!”

For every negative “but,” a positive “but” can be found. You just must be willing to look for it. Babies and toddlers know this very well. The negative “but” has no meaning for them. All they know is “I want, therefore I go/grab.” Engage your inner toddler and go valiantly forth into whatever it is you fiercely desire, no “buts” about it!

Redefining Failure, Episode 88, season 4

What do you do when your life is OK, but you’d really love to have some piece of it be “WOW”? Like climbing a mountain or recording a song or contributing to world peace. But you figure there’s no way you could do any of that, you’d fail at such lofty dreams, so you go back to your OK life, which is, well, OK. How depressing! In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to a simple shift of perspective that can transform your fear of failure into an unexpected path to those lofty dreams of yours. Indeed!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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Ready, Aim, Fire!, Episode 87, Season 4

You’re ready to stand up for yourself, hurrah! But you can’t figure out quite how to do so effectively: you’re either too shy or too bold in your approach. It’s not working. No worries! In this podcast, you’ll explore an easy three-step process that can lead to you being heard in a constructive, problem-solving way, which will facilitate your getting what you want. Yes!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

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Destress With a Green Break

 

Spring! Such a glorious time of year. Trees sprouting white and pink blossoms, tender new green leaves on bushes and plants, more sunlight, less gray. How delightful! If only one had time to get out there and enjoy it more. You know, as in away from your hunched-over-the-computer mode, using your legs to walk briskly, your nose to breathe clean air.

Sigh. Not likely. And yet, just a little dose of nature has surprising benefits. We’ve known for quite a while that nature rejuvenates, but recent research has taken our understanding much further. Not only does time spent in nature reduce stress and anxiety, but it also benefits cognitive functioning. Namely, the workings of our minds, especially in terms of gaining knowledge and understanding,  perception, memory, ability to reason, judgment, imagination and problem-solving. All that from spending just a little time around trees and plants.

Well, how nice you think—especially if you actually have spare time and ready access to a park or forest or woods or whatever.

But here’s the thing. The research shows that even when the subjects simply looked at an image of greenery on a roof for 40 seconds (yes, you read that correctly, 40 seconds) they did better on a test than when they looked for the same time at a concrete roof.

Looking at an image of greenery on a roof might not be your idea of a nature break, but what about that indoor house plant on your desk? Or in your living room? What if you spent a few moments really looking at that plant, appreciating the unfurling of its new leaves, the greenness of its green, how very vibrant it is, just living its plant life? Or maybe step outside for a minute to enjoy the spring air and colors? Could this attention to something of nature enhance your mood and thinking?

Science says yes. It’s worth giving it a go. I’ve found it to be, at the very least, an easy stress reducer with zero downside. As an added benefit, the little time you take to green yourself into less stress means that you’ll be more invigorated for your next task.

Hmm. Maybe getting back to that computer won’t be so painful after all.