Ho-Ho-Ho, the Joy of Saying “No”

 

Ah, the upcoming Holiday Season--starting with Thanksgiving and ramping up through Christmas, with no let-up until the beginning of the year. For those who are already tired from a year’s worth of work, kids, parents, chores, and everything else, the Holiday Season, despite the many joys it may bring, can feel simply exhausting. Overwhelming. Cringe-worthy.

But what’s a body to do? Pull the covers over your head and hide in bed for the next two months? Probably not a good idea, given your family obligations, relatives coming to visit, expectations at work, and so on.

There is another way. Two, actually.

1. Just Say “No.”

You’re appalled. How dare I suggest such a thing when people are counting on you? Who’s going to bake all those cookies for the school holiday party? And the Thanksgiving turkey? You don’t trust your partner to do it properly, look at how they overcooked the last one. Plus, you’ll no doubt be asked to join the holiday choir (like last year), organize the holiday potluck at work, and probably play Secret Santa as well.

Saying “No” is all about how you say it. When you say, “No, thank you, but I appreciate your asking,” it’s hard for the asker to get upset with you. They may not like the answer, but you were so polite and straightforward that they realized they could do nothing about it. Then be ready with an easy, equally straightforward reason (if requested) for your “No,” such as “I need to focus on other priorities for now.” Most people will be reluctant to press further, but if they do, a vague “family matters” or such will suffice.

2. Delegate. How? To Whom?

One of the easiest ways to delegate over the holidays is to enroll the help of your local grocery store. I kid you not. Pre-cooked turkeys, already-baked cookies, and all sorts of other holiday goodies are readily available. You just need to get over your “I have to do it all myself” or your belief that only you can cook a turkey/bake cookies properly.

For other matters, delegate by asking for help. Yes, it’s OK not to be perfect, not to be Wonder-Human, and to need assistance. If you ask with “please” and “thank you” in your request, you’d be surprised at how nicely people will generally respond. Will the person do whatever you’ve asked exactly as you would? Probably not. Will it still be good enough? Probably yes.

Give yourself a break this Holiday Season. Saying “no” and delegating will go a long way toward easing your end-of-year exhaustion.

Flip Holiday Stress Into Fun for You!

 

It seems the topic uppermost in so many of our minds at this time of year is stress. AKA Holiday stress. Too many gifts to buy, too little money. Too many cards to send out/email, gifts to wrap, people to visit – too little time. Too many relatives and others to be considerate of –

too little patience. Too little of you to go around. You are spread too thin in too many ways, which means the Holidays are anything but. 

Time for a flip. Yup. Time to flip your internal switch from overwhelmed to relaxed. OK, so maybe not all the way to relaxed, but how about to “doable”? To “manageable”? To where you can actually enjoy the Holidays instead of resenting them. Even if you can’t afford a personal shopper/package wrapper/etc. to take over all that has you running ragged.

Flip your switch. Take a moment to sit, breathe, and ask yourself: “What’s right with this picture?” How about the fact that you actually have friends and family to give gifts to? Many do not. You may loathe the office Holiday party, but guess what – you have a job. Many do not. You are positively grinching (pun intended) at having your relatives invade your home for the expected Holiday meal, with all the cooking/cleaning/decorating the event entails, but heck, you have a home. Many do not.

Secondly, ask yourself: “What’s right with me?” Ah yes. Because at the moment you are probably feeling inept, incompetent, and woefully insecure. None of which are who you truly are. If you’ve made it this far in life, you’ve had plenty of moments where you’ve been competent and on top of things. You can do this. All it takes is reminding yourself of your various successes, small and large. Taking another deep breath. Getting creative with whatever your Holiday duties are. Deliberately making the Holidays fun for YOU!

Gifts don’t have to cost lots of money. It truly is the thought that counts. You don’t have to stay for hours on end at the office party. You can spend a gracious half-hour or so there with a smile on your face and take a quiet unobtrusive departure. Holiday meals are as simple or as complicated as you choose to make them. Heck, what about a potluck adventure for a change?

Flip the switch. Refuse to let Holiday stress get the best of you, and instead, find the best FOR you in this Holiday Season.

 

The Greatest Gift of All: Hope

It’s been a rough year for many of us. Our country, as well as many others across the globe, has been ravaged by fierce political and social divides, unprecedented mass violence, and natural disasters from fires to hurricanes with the unfortunate promise of more to come.

As the Holidays roll around, it may be challenging – if not impossible -  to feel the Holiday Spirit of peace, good will toward all, and the joy of a year well lived. 

And yet . . . we have available to us, always, the greatest gift mankind has ever known - hope.

Hope is what keeps us keepin’ on. Hope is what motivates us to rebuild shattered lives, to reconnect with what’s most important to us, to dream, once again, of “peace on earth, good will toward all.”

Hope is not just an airy-fairy New Age platitude designed to mask whatever misery you’re in. Hope is real, and is supported by the many ways in which we humans stubbornly, persistently, work toward a better life for all, even if at time it seems that idea is ludicrous.

For example, did you know that Google's parent company, Alphabet, launched stratospheric “Project Loon” balloons over Puerto Rico to deliver Internet service where such service had been destroyed or severely impaired? The Internet is beamed from the balloons in a way that extends wireless networks without having to install fiber optic cable or cell towers. The project is still in its experimental phases, yet Alphabet was willing to make it available to a community sorely in need.

That’s hope made practical. Hope made real. And it’s just one example out of many ways in which various companies, organizations, and caring individuals brought hope to Puerto Rico, and other hurricane and fire devastated communities.

You can’t change the past. What happened, happened, whether in your personal life, or in our society’s life at large. What you can do, is offer hope – to yourself, to others, to your community, in whatever practical way you can think of.

Hope is real. Let it be that for you and yours this Holiday Season.

How to Get Along With Family During the Holidays

What will family gatherings be like as the holidays begin? The presidential race has made it a tough year on relationships between family members who don’t agree on politics. That rawness is still going to be around during the holidays as we gather to celebrate the season.

The perfect holiday present we can give family this year isn’t one wrapped in sparkly red-and-green ribbon, but rather one lovingly wrapped in good intentions.

Here are guidelines to follow during the holidays to keep relationships—and gatherings--peaceful.

--Cease to complain or argue when you hear something that you don’t like. Period. Zip it, put a lid on it, change the subject, go to your happy place. Do whatever it takes to stop an argument before it starts. No one is going to change someone else’s mind.

--Take responsibility for your situation. If you don’t like what someone says and you feel your blood pressure rise, walk away. You may not have control over the words and actions of your crazy Uncle Harry, but you have control of what you say and do. And by the way, keeping your blood pressure under control is good for your cardiovascular system, which leads to a longer, healthier life.

--Find common ground. Focus on whatever you can genuinely appreciate. It could be great taste of your mom’s pumpkin pie, catching up on family member activities or celebrating the addition of a new baby niece or nephew. With just a tiny bit of effort, you can find something of value and joy that can be shared with others.

Does this approach take patience, determination, persistence? Sure, but it’s well worth the try—and a small yet meaningful contribution toward peace on earth, goodwill towards all.

The Holidays: “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Really?

The Holidays! You’ve made your list and you’re checking it twice. Let’s see: not enough money in the budget to get the kids what they really want. Not enough for a quick two day get-away for you and your S.O., given the cost of transportation, accommodations, and a sitter who will put up for that long with the kids and your menagerie of 2 cats, 1 dog, 3 hamsters and 1 and ½ lizard (tail missing). Relatives who are thrilled to announce they’re flying in for a nice long visit, of course staying at your house. And if that wasn’t enough, it looks like one of you may be out of a job come the New Year.

With this, you’re supposed to be cheery, filled with Holiday spirit (not the alcoholic kind), and wishing peace and goodwill to all. You wonder if that includes downsizing employers.

What you would give for an alien to beam you up and out of this Holiday mess! 

Since that’s not likely to happen, try the following.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Harsh! You say. Cruel! OK, so? Dumping into self-pity at this juncture isn’t going to get the kids what they want, your honey and you some time away, or have your relatives magically disappear.

Quit wasting time and energy moaning about how awful it is. You already know it’s awful. What you don’t yet know is what you’re going to do about it.

Go into problem-solving mode. What can you give the kids that would please them? Or, how creative can you get with what they really want?

Same with the get-away with your honey. Make an afternoon at the local aquarium or wandering through art galleries, or hiking a trail your “get away.” Imbue it with specialness and romance so that the amount of time is far less important than the quality of the time spent together.

You may be stuck with the relatives visiting, but you’re not stuck with how long they stay with you or what you choose to do with them. Set boundaries. Preferably before they get there. You’ll feel better immediately.

People lose jobs every day of the year. They also get jobs every day of the year. Gather up your courage, dust off your resume, prepare yourself for an even better job, in better conditions, with a boss you respect.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the least productive thing you can do. It is also the most joyless, and totally out of sync with what the holidays are about. Not that you should rejoice over your monetary and other woes, but rather that you should take them in stride, knowing that you have the inner resources, the resilience, to make it through and on to better things.

As soon as you let go of “ain’t it awful” and plug into celebrating all the good you do have in your life, you too will find, like Jimmy Stewart, that “It’s a Wonderful Life”!