Don't Play The Comparison Game This Thanksgiving—Be Thankful For Who You Are

With Thanksgiving, our attention turns to all those people and things for which we are grateful. A wonderful tradition, indeed. However, there’s a sneaky little devil that sometimes gets in the way of our ability to truly appreciate . . . and that is, comparison.

Uh-huh. Comparing your 10-year-old dirty car to your neighbor’s sparkly clean new one. Groan. Or your not-even-remotely-in-shape body to the ripped, buff, sleek body working out on the elliptical next to yours; you’ve barely figured out how to coordinate your arms and legs. Or comparing your toddler’s wobbly steps to your sister’s same-age toddler’s zipping around the room.

Need I go on? Take inventory sometime of just how many times a day you compare yourself or your life to someone else’s self or life, and – more importantly – find yourself wanting. You may be (unpleasantly) surprised at how often you judge yourself to be defective. Not good enough. Swift enough. Smart enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Talented enough.  Every time you ding yourself with a “less than” comparison, you hurt yourself. You send an unfortunate message to your entire being that you can’t, that you aren’t. Whatever it is, you don’t measure up. Your body and mind take that message quite literally, and with that, you make it more difficult for your body-mind to accomplish whatever it is you desire.

One of the most powerful messages you can give yourself is “I’m good enough.” Not perfect, but not deficient either. Simply good enough. Ah . . . sweet relief! Because from a position of “good enough,” you can appreciate yourself, and your life, as it is. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else to figure out if you’re good enough, you can adopt it as your basic stance. Try it! Say “I’m good enough” to yourself often as you go about your day, and you’ll feel more confidence flow through you, which in turn, allows your body-mind to function at its current best.

If you really want to rock your world, try thinking “You’re good enough” of others as well: your wobbly toddler, your husband with his affinity for clothes that never match, your whiny neighbor. “You’re good enough” takes you out of the world of comparison and negative judgment, freeing you up to enjoy and be grateful for others as they are.

Now you can truly celebrate Thanksgiving, reveling in the “good enough” in yourself, your life, and all those around you. Enjoy!

The Holidays: A Time to Remember That The World is Wide Enough

As we gather with family and friends on Thanksgiving, the divisive political situation in our country shows no sign of abating. It seems there’s no end to the conflicts and confrontations that divide rather than unite us.

Some Thanksgivings are harder than others. What I mean by that is that sometimes, our world may seem at such odds with itself that we’re hard-pressed to feel the gratitude we wish would come naturally, especially around this time of year and around the people we love who may not think the way we do.

There is a lesson found in the musical “Hamilton” that we should all take to heart. There’s a profound truth that runs throughout the play, which was brought out in one of its final scenes.

That scene brings to life the famous duel in which Aaron Burr, Vice-President under Thomas Jefferson, kills his political rival, Alexander Hamilton, one of our Founding Fathers and first Secretary of the Treasury. In the musical, at the end of the duel, Burr sings these lyrics:

            “I was too young and blind to see

            I should’ve known

            I should’ve known

            The world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.”

I hear in these words a call for us, as best we can and with all of our hearts, to find ways to negotiate, resolve--whatever your word for it is--our differences. Choose a world that's wide enough for all of us to co-exist in peace, if not in agreement.

A great place to start is with family and friends. I certainly have my share of ornery family, folks I don’t understand, yet here we are, at Thanksgiving together. I remind myself that I don’t have to agree with their opinions on everything from our president to the cranberry dressing, but I can acknowledge their right to their opinion. I can make the effort to value them, to look for something to appreciate about them, because there is, in every one of us, something (usually many things) to appreciate, if we just look hard enough.

We should remember that “The world is wide enough” for all of us, even when it seems that could never be. During the holidays, it certainly is worth a try.

How to Get Along With Family During the Holidays

What will family gatherings be like as the holidays begin? The presidential race has made it a tough year on relationships between family members who don’t agree on politics. That rawness is still going to be around during the holidays as we gather to celebrate the season.

The perfect holiday present we can give family this year isn’t one wrapped in sparkly red-and-green ribbon, but rather one lovingly wrapped in good intentions.

Here are guidelines to follow during the holidays to keep relationships—and gatherings--peaceful.

--Cease to complain or argue when you hear something that you don’t like. Period. Zip it, put a lid on it, change the subject, go to your happy place. Do whatever it takes to stop an argument before it starts. No one is going to change someone else’s mind.

--Take responsibility for your situation. If you don’t like what someone says and you feel your blood pressure rise, walk away. You may not have control over the words and actions of your crazy Uncle Harry, but you have control of what you say and do. And by the way, keeping your blood pressure under control is good for your cardiovascular system, which leads to a longer, healthier life.

--Find common ground. Focus on whatever you can genuinely appreciate. It could be great taste of your mom’s pumpkin pie, catching up on family member activities or celebrating the addition of a new baby niece or nephew. With just a tiny bit of effort, you can find something of value and joy that can be shared with others.

Does this approach take patience, determination, persistence? Sure, but it’s well worth the try—and a small yet meaningful contribution toward peace on earth, goodwill towards all.