Let Purpose Get You Off the Hamster Wheel!

 

Some days it feels like life is one endless hamster wheel, where you go round and round and round in the same way day after day. You know the drill: chores-work-kids-chores-bed, rinse and repeat. Oh, sure, there’s the occasional crisis to change things up, maybe the occasional vacation or happy surprise, but mostly it’s chores-work-kids-chores-bed: what the French call “Metro, boulot, dodo” (metro, work, sleep).

BORING! As in depressing. As in why get up in the morning? There’s no seeming rhyme or reason to this continuous plod through life.

Ah but, there is. Really. All it takes is one simple question: “Why am I doing this?” For example, dog poop. My dogs are too big for me to walk, so I have a decent-sized yard, which is their agility center, play area, and (you guessed it) all-purpose bathroom--which they haven’t learned to clean up yet (you’d think . . .). So, I do it. Regularly. It’s boring. Tedious. Not the most fun thing on my list. But when I remember to ask myself “Why am I doing this?” my answer makes me happy. “Because I like a clean yard. The yard smells better and looks prettier. I can actually enjoy spending time in it. And I (or the dogs) don’t risk stepping in stinky stuff which then requires yucky clean-up.”

Now, I grant you, cleaning up after your dog isn’t nearly as thrilling as world peace or winning the lottery. However, most of our lives are about the mundane--losing/gaining weight, saving/earning money, dealing with kids/partners/co-workers and so on.

But here’s the thing. When you assign purpose to whatever it is you are engaged in, suddenly everything changes. It’s an energy shift that allows you to go from bored/depressed to interested, all the way to happy. Purpose. So if losing/gaining weight is fueled by the purpose of getting healthier, it’s less of a task and more of an adventure. Same with saving/earning money. Once there’s a purpose attached, such as a family vacation or getting out of your teeny apartment into an actual house, you’ve got a dream to pull you forward through the mechanics of saving/earning rather than getting stuck in the dreary got-to-dos of it all.

It doesn’t matter what you must do in your day to day. What matters is how you approach it. Asking yourself regularly, “Why am I doing this?” until you come up with a response that lights you up.

Purpose rocks! And so will you.

Photo attribution: By Doenertier82, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=642841

 

A Matter of Balance, Episode 66

How do we manage to stay so very connected with everyone on the planet via all our devices, yet somehow disconnect from what our own bodies are trying to tell us? We tend to ignore our bodies’ messages until they get so big, we can’t do anything else than succumb to illness or some other health issue. In this podcast, you’ll learn the incredible value of the mind-body system, and how to listen to your body so you can have the best life possible.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

A Question of Character, Episode 65

What is ‘character’ anyway? And what does ‘character’ have to do with you? ‘Character’ matters, it’s what tells you if someone is trustworthy or not, and trustworthiness is fundamental to good relationships of all kinds. In this podcast, you’ll discover what ‘character’- or lack of it - looks like, and how to determine if someone is likely to be trustworthy or not.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

Self-Care: Lattes and Ice Cream. Really?

 

We are a quick-fix species, we humans. We want ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ is – NOW! The money, the lover, the job, the car, the child to behave, the partner to behave (oops!), the boss to quit micro-managing: the list goes on and on.

So too with self-care. Few of us think of what self-care really entails, so we grab whatever will make us feel better – NOW! Which is great, totally understandable, and works. Well, works short-term. That latte does calm you down (interesting paradoxical effect of caffeine), the ice cream brings comfort, the movie did distract you from your worries, and that new bling perked you right up. Temporarily. Because as soon as the ‘feel better’ wears off from the quick-fix, you’re back where you were. Mildly (or very) depressed, grumpy, low energy, anxious, your choice.

It doesn’t have to be this way! Self-care is best approached from the inside, not the outside. Especially when we are dealing with mental and emotional self-care*. This is why trying to deal with your emotional well-being with lattes and ice cream isn’t going to work. What will, is what was best expressed by the phrase painted on the back of a passing truck: “just love yourself.”

I kid you not. I was driving home one day when I happened to end up behind a truck with “just love yourself” painted on the back.  I followed the truck for a bit, wanting to make sure I wasn’t imaging things. The truck driver pulled over to the side of the residential street we were on, thinking no doubt that I wanted to pass him. I didn’t. I drove up beside him, made the “roll down your window please” sign, and said to him, “Thank you!! I love your truck slogan!” I’m not sure he understood or heard what I said, he probably just thought “crazy lady” but that’s OK. It was a wonderful moment.

So what does “just love yourself” mean? In simple terms, it means to be patient with yourself, to accept that you are doing the best you can, with what you’ve got, from where you are. And to think the same of the others in your life. Because, you see, when you acknowledge that you (and others) are doing the best you can, given where you’re at, with the resources (inner and outer) that you have presently available to you, you free yourself from judgment and blame. That in turn frees you up to look for/explore/discover other resources, to consider other approaches, to look at the situation from a different perspective.

Ah, sweet relief. Now, about that latte . . .

Seducers, Episode 64

There are people who genuinely like you, are well-meaning and truthful about their attraction to you. Then there are people who only like you for what you can give them in the moment, and are quick to dump you after they’ve gotten whatever it is they want. Yet they are often so wonderful to you that you succumb to their charm, oblivious to the unfortunate consequences that will probably ensue. In this podcast, you’ll discover what separates the genuine people from those just in it for whatever, saving your heart and possibly your bank account in the process!

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

The Problem With Control, Episode 63

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could control everyone and everything so they did just what you needed them to do, right when you needed it? Maybe. The reality is, that will never happen. But there is a way, an approach you can use that will get people and situations on board with what you want and need – that doesn’t involve control at all! In this podcast you’ll explore just how you might be able to accomplish that.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

Check out this latest episode!

My “Worry” Epiphany

 

You would think that a garden-variety cold would hardly lead to an epiphany. What can I tell you? That’s what happened! I ended up flat on my back, sneezing, coughing, not-sleeping, miserable, with a severe head cold and laryngitis. Lovely. Considering that I make my living as a trial consultant talking, discussing and coaching various parties in legal matters, the laryngitis in particular had me very concerned. Understatement. Panicked would be more accurate.

So there I lay, hour after hour, worrying. Not just worrying, obsessing over “How long will this take?” “Will my voice, the primary instrument of my livelihood, return fully?” “And in time for some of the critical work I have upcoming? Yes? No? Maybe? Maybe not?” Which made me feel no better, if anything, made me feel worse.

The Epiphany. Somewhere in there, it dawned on me that I was spending my time doing nothing productive at all. Nothing that would facilitate my healing or make me feel better. I was indulging in one of humankind’s least productive activities: worrying. The amount of time I was in worry mode appalled me. But it did lead to the aforementioned epiphany (see, that’s what working with lawyers gets you – fancy vocabulary, sorry!).

How much of one’s time do we spend worrying? Not necessarily in the face of something like an illness, but just generally. How much? Too much! Because for every minute spent worrying, we are not focused in the direction of a solution. We are steadfastly stuck on the problem, and that is an exercise in futility. No good ever came out of worrying. It really doesn’t matter if we are worrying about a small matter or a major crisis, the worry part doesn’t resolve anything. Worse, it puts mental blinders on our thinking such that we don’t consider possible solutions or resources.

I took myself firmly in hand and decided “Enough!” I started thinking about what I could do to help myself, what had worked in the past, how I could re-schedule client meetings if needed, and strangely enough, I started to feel better. Just turning my thoughts in the direction of what was possible and looking for solutions, got me on the path to wellness.

Was my return to well-being instantaneous? Hardly! But at least I wasn’t making things worse by worrying, worrying, and then worrying some more. My voice is back, and I am on the mend.

Don’t let worry stand in the way of your amazing ability to resolve whatever in your life is giving you grief. Engage the monumental power of your mind in the direction of “There’s gotta be a way!” and sure enough, you will find a way.