What's Your Next Right Move?

 Something Oprah Winfrey said in an interview I stumbled across recently really hit home with me: “What is the next right move?” She was talking about how to handle disappointments, even failures, and the point she was making is how useless it is for us to dwell on whatever-it-was, but rather to point ourselves in the direction of the next “right move.”

I love that! A mantra that can be applied to the little annoyances in life, as well as the oh-my-gosh flops/falls. My latest rescue puppy, during the first couple of months with us, would get so excited about FOOD!!! that the second he’d inhale the contents of his dish, he’d race over to my older dog’s dish and with the excitement of possibly locating the merest lick of MORE FOOD!!! would pee, right there on the kitchen floor. Needless to say, “Mom,” aka me, was not happy. He had learned that his bathroom was out there in nature, so it wasn’t an “I’m not sure where to go” issue, it was truly food-excitement.

I had a choice. I could get myself in a snit over his unwanted behavior, hash and re-hash it, etc., but fortunately, I had come across Oprah’s “next right move,” and sat myself down for a good think. I came up with first making sure that according to the vet, my new “boy” was getting proper nutrition. That being done, I decided that the instant rescue-baby had finished his meal, I would zip him out the puppy door and into the yard for a pee. Phew!

Problem solved. Now, a couple of months later, he just zips out that door by himself right away, and we haven’t had an indoor pee since.

This may seem minor to you, but then, most of the stuff that gets us all annoyed is minor!  However, when we  have to deal with the heavies of life, we can use the “next right move” just as effectively. A dear friend of mine is suffering from a health condition that her physicians and various specialists cannot yet diagnose. So they keep giving her treatments in hopes something will alleviate her pain. What an unfortunate predicament! Yet my friend inspires me by her decision to continue with as much of her regular life as possible, keeping herself firmly on the track of “next right move,” rather than on the oh-so-seductive “woe is me” track.

We all somehow know what a “right move” is, even though that “move” will be different for every situation. It is, always, the move that keeps you on a positive, upward path. A move that leans in the direction of solutions and away from lamenting your misfortune.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been rejected for a job, by a spouse, or lost your savings in some unfortunate occurrence, as best you can, howl briefly over the injustice/pain, and then follow Oprah’s excellent advice, “What’s my next right move?”
 

Up Your Game This Valentine’s Day

How about if this Valentine’s Day you upped your game? What if, instead of--or in addition to-- focusing the intensity of your love on that one special person in your life, you turned the spotlight of your love onto your life! Your whole life, all of it, every aspect of it. If rather than complaining, dissing, blaming or criticizing your life, you embraced it wholeheartedly with all the love, hugs and kisses you lavish on that special someone?

So granted, your work life isn’t perfect (whose is?!), but if you look at your job, your career, through the eyes of love, you’ll find all manner of things to appreciate about it. Not the least of which is the paycheck it affords you. There are co-workers you do like or who support your efforts in some way. There is a place to go, tasks to achieve, which allow you to use at least some portion of your intellect and creativity.

Your family and/or friends drive you batty at times, but somewhere in the mix there are good times, fun adventures, tender moments. What if you focused on those, letting the memory of them bring a smile to your face, and let friends and family members know how dear they are to you, with words as well as hugs.

Then there’s you. Ah, yes, the tough nut to crack. How about loving yourself? You see, as wonderful a gift as social media is to us in allowing us to more rapidly and freely connect, it also brings up an awful lot of the devil known as “comparison.” Everyone else seems to be happier, thinner/fatter, taller/shorter, prettier/more handsome, more successful, than you. Everyone else seems to be trending with what’s trendable, in the know on all the scoops, and launching into ever more exciting jobs, travel, cars, clothes, mates!

Aargh! You can’t possibly love yourself and compare yourself to others at the same time. Other people will always, being the different sorts that they are, in one way or another be more of what you aspire to, or less of what you dislike. So what? You are YOU, marvelously uniquely YOU! And that--along with your marvelous and unique life--is worthy of love.

Love. As in caring about and caring for, yourself and your life. Love. As in being grateful for and appreciative of, yourself and your life. Love. As in being tender towards and taking pleasure in, yourself and your life.

Love really is all there is.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

"Creating a New Story" on on the Chicken Soup for the Soul Podcast - January 27

I just found out that my piece, "Creating a New Story" which appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive, Live Happy, will be featured on the Chicken Soup for the Soul podcast. It will first air January 27 and will be available on the podcast site indefinitely afterwards.

On Apple, access the podcast by going to:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/chicken-soup-for-soul-podcast/id1085746482

And here is the link on Google Play:

https://play.google.com/music/listen#/ps/Ikzjwpprm6g2knrv2pb5b7ksmz

You may need to type in "Chicken Soup for the Soul" in the Search box.

The podcast does a great job presenting the stories included in Chicken Soup books. I hope you check out the January 27 podcast and let me know what you think!

The 20-Minute Rule

 

My resolution for the New Year is actually very simple: The 20 Minute Rule. It means I no longer allow myself to worry over anything for more than 20 minutes. Anything. Not the state of my health, finances, relationships, the world – anything.

Why should this rank as a valid resolution? Well, because too often whatever the worry is can all too easily morph into a perfectly awful, depressing, miserable whole day. I have done that more than once, and it never made the worrisome thing go away. So, yes, for me at least, a valid resolution.

Sounds easy, right? Huh! Try it. Dang. Because it’s no fair stopping the worry about, say, the balance in my checking account after 20 minutes, only to start worrying about it again an hour or two later. Certainly not about the same dismal balance. Why 20 minutes? Because it often takes me about 20 minutes to realize I’ve been obsessively worrying about something. . .

The good news is that worrying is a habit, as anything else we do repetitively, and habits are made, therefore can be broken. Or, more accurately stated – developed, and therefore allowed to devolve into nothingness once again.

That being said, sometimes whatever I’m worrying about requires attention. Attention, yes, not worry. Proactive problem solving is the best alternative to worry.

Think of worry as an attention-getter. Something that alerts you to a situation that requires your attention. Not your fear, anguish, despair or anger – but your attention! Which in turn can lead to effective problem-solving to deal with whatever is causing you to worry.

After all, when you’re worrying about the weather, what you’re really worrying about is if you can get to work OK, or if your kids took their rain gear, or if the roof will leak. All of those are things about which you can take proactive steps, thus quashing the worry. The weather itself? Nah. That you can’t do much about. So don’t try. Let worry get your attention focused on what you can do something about, and go for it.

Adopt The 20 Minute Rule for this stellar New Year, and watch what happens. Worry will vanish, and you will feel empowered once again.

Happy New Year!