Your boss is the worst of the worst. Makes you feel lower than an earthworm, undeserving, miserable. That’s not a way to live. And certainly not a way to achieve your career goals. In this podcast you’ll discover what makes your boss so horrible, and how to use their secret fears and desires to pave your way to success.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
But, no. The best holiday gift you could ever give or receive is simply to know, acknowledge, and appreciate that everyone is always doing the best they can, with what they have, from where they are. Including yourself.
Really? Yes. Because whatever someone is doing, whether you like it or not, is the best they can manage, considering their mental, emotional, physical and financial resources, and their competence and confidence in using those resources.
The overworked cashier who snapped at you, when you just wanted to run back and get that one more item, really is doing their best, given their fatigue dealing with harried customers and less-than-helpful co-workers, their personal family issues and that nagging feeling that their paycheck just isn’t going to go far enough this month.
The holidays stress people out more than any other time of year. The season of “Peace on Earth, Good Will to All” is rarely peaceful, and goodwill is scarce. Not that we’re bad people, deliberately slighting, ignoring or otherwise being mean or disrespectful to others.
It’s because we’re ridiculously busy trying to fulfill all the holiday obligations no single human could possibly fulfill to the satisfaction of all concerned. Between the gift buying for which we never have enough ready cash, the festivities to arrange and provide for, the decorating, the obligatory family get-togethers – well, you know the rest.
We are all, truly, doing the best we can with what we have from where we are at the moment. Just recognizing that will ease your stress. Not eradicate it, but smooth it out, making things more doable, more tolerable.
Your mother-in-law really isn’t trying to make your life miserable. She just thinks her holiday feast menu is the superior choice, and she expects you to adopt it (and cook it) with cheers and adulation. OK, fine. When you stop to acknowledge, within yourself, that she really is doing the best she can, given her perspective on how things are done, you can lighten up a little, maybe look for compromise solutions.
Most importantly, look upon yourself with new eyes. Superman/Wonderwoman you may be, but you’ll still never please everyone all of the time. Especially not during the holidays, when expectations are heightened and disappointment is rife. Instead, deliberately appreciate yourself, knowing that you really, truly, are doing the best you can with what you have from where you are.
Doesn’t that already feel better?
Happy Holidays!
What is it about getting together as an extended family that seems so challenging? You should love and accept your relatives, but they drive you simply up a wall! How can you be grateful in this supposed time of gratitude when they are so annoying? Tune in to this podcast to find out an easy way to accept your whiny/obnoxious/critical relatives so you can have a genuine Thanksgiving.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Do you ever have a day where it seems everything is going badly, nothing ever seems to go right? To where you want to just scream, and give up on well, everything? Yet all you want to do is be happy, so what now? In this podcast, you’ll discover what’s holding you back from that happiness you crave, and how to handle things so yes, you can be happy!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
We’re fast approaching that time of year when friend and family get-togethers and office parties are, well, obligatory. After all, you can’t exactly pretend that Thanksgiving and the Holiday Season don’t exist, and that invitations from your in-laws, workplace, friends and others can be casually ignored. Or that you can corral your beloved partner into NOT throwing a righteous “everyone welcome” Thanksgiving feast or giant Holiday party.
But then the ugly truth comes up and slaps you: how are you to pleasantly converse with those relatives, work colleagues, various invited friends and their assorted spouses, with whom you not only have nothing in common, but heartily disagree with on pretty much every subject?
Religion, politics, sports, pets, even the weather aren’t safe topics, and no, most people don’t know about, much less want to talk about, the economic and historical significance of the tulip bulb in the 1630s. Which is actually quite fascinating - but that’s a story for another day.
What To Talk About During Holiday Gatherings. Here's the thing: most people are far more interested in themselves, their thoughts, their opinions, their everything – than they are in anyone else. And yes, that includes you, me and all other sentient beings. It’s normal, it’s just an outgrowth of our survival instinct. So, use that to your advantage.
When Aunt Ida starts her usual harangue about the current administration, whether praising or condemning it, turn the spotlight back on her. Ask her, for example, what brought her to her opinion, not for the sake of debating it or arguing with her, but as if you were genuinely interested in the evolution of her thought. And sprinkle your listening with a lot of head nods and “mm-hmm” – again, expressing interest, not looking for points to use against her opinion. She’ll think you’re the best conversationalist ever, yet you never uttered a single word of your opinion.
That’s one way to change the subject. Another is, having first given a non-committal but polite head nod and “mm-hmm” to something said, comment on how lovely/cool/(insert compliment) their outfit is, where did they get it? Or go to “you know, I’ve been meaning to ask, how is your garden growing?” Or whatever hobby/work/volunteering they do is going.
Pay Attention. This means you do have to pay a modicum of attention to what that friend or relative or work colleague is all about. If you really want to pull this off well, best you spend a few moments, pre-festivity, remembering or asking someone who might know what those you are most likely to interact with are into.
Yes, it takes a little effort, and sometimes quite a bit of self-restraint. But hey, what would you prefer? Getting yourself all riled up over something said with an individual you rarely see more than once a year? Or enjoying peace of mind?
I know what I’ll choose.
For more inspiring messages, go to https://noellenelson.com/newsletters/newsletters-a-note-from-dr-noelle.
You don’t think of yourself as an overly fearful person, but heck! There are lots of scary situations out there, and yes, you get scared. Which doesn’t particularly make you feel good, if anything, fear just seems to grow and grow. In this podcast, you’ll learn an easy 2-step process for dealing with fear and how you can use it to restore your happiness and well-being.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Ever felt stuck, like you’re on a hamster wheel of replaying your last argument with your partner over and over and over? Why is it that you just can’t seem to get over it, boring your friends and family with your continual replay? Are you that relationship-impaired? No! In this podcast, find out how to get off that hamster wheel easily and into the land of a happier relationship quickly.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
I have a new cell phone. I didn’t want a new cell phone; I was perfectly happy with my 2020 cell phone, but it wasn’t happy with me. Its connector charging port was ailing. Failing, actually, the service tech told me. And besides, it was an old phone, what did I expect?
Old? This to a woman who is more than content, read “thrilled,” to wear outdated fashions just because she likes them. And would willingly keep computers way past their supposed “shelf life.” Sigh.
OK, fine, so new cell it is. No more buttons, just a lot of swiping – up, down, left, right. How am I supposed to keep it all straight? The service tech was remarkably patient. I was not. “I can’t do this!” I swore to myself, silently, of course. But then it dawned on me. “Can’t” or “Don’t want to”?
Train Your Brain
Ah, there it is. The truth at last. Of course I can. I can learn. It’s not brain surgery or rocket science. Millions, probably billions of people, even those over the age of 12, have learned this. They weren’t geniuses, either, just regular folk. So, given a little time and patience, I can learn this. But I don’t want to.
I want my “old” cell phone, which was familiar to me, that I had long mastered. I want the comfort of not having to learn something new. My inner 3-year-old is stomping her virtual feet and having a mini-meltdown. Sad, really. Because I know all too well that when we stop learning, we begin to decline. As Albert Einstein succinctly put it: “The day you stop learning is the day you start dying.”
Learning is to the brain what weight training is to our muscles. The brain, like a muscle, weakens when we don’t use it, and learning new things is a great way to “weight train” our brains. Learning keeps our cognitive abilities honed and developing; it keeps us engaged in life and living.
So much as I fuss against having to learn yet one more technical what’s-it, I eventually surrender to the need to do so, and finally, feel grateful for the learning imposed on my brain.
After all, what’s a brain for, if not to think, get
challenged to think about something new, and then think some more?
Why is your world so annoying? From the traffic that’s a mess, to your boss who’s awful, and all the rest, landing you at risk of high blood pressure and heart problems, aargh. All is not lost. Discover what this podcast offers, namely, how to get past your anger and resentments so you can have a more enjoyable and healthy life. Tune in and find out!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Does it ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you can’t get yourself to do what you want yourself to? Like stick with your diet, complete a work project, spend more time with the kids? And you’re fed up with feeling like a failure, a walking disaster. In this podcast, discover how you can be more successful at whatever, so you don’t have to give up on what you want, and don’t have to live a life of woe-is-me misery, either.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
We speak of decluttering our spaces--our homes, garages, offices--but how often do we think of decluttering ourselves? As in letting go of outdated emotions, the guilts, fears, regrets that no longer serve us in any way?
After all, isn’t that how you declutter your closet? You look over your outfits and discard clothes you haven’t worn in years, or that are so not-trendy you can barely stand to look at them, or which remind you of that awful fight you had with – well, never mind. Outdated, for one reason or another.
Heart Declutter. I recently had to do a rather in-depth declutter on my own heart. Facebook may be a wonderful way to connect, but not when you suddenly bump up against a post you’d rather never have seen. But there it was, in living color, for all the world to see. My ex, from over a decade ago, gushing at how his delightful current girlfriend had celebrated his birthday, pics included.
I thought I was so over that relationship, like really over, but in a heartbeat, it all came back. How he had cheated on me, then dumped me because, “Every time I look at you I feel like a failure.” As if the fact that my business was going well and his wasn’t was somehow my fault. He managed to make me feel horribly guilty for making him feel like a failure, although I never felt that way about him, and certainly never spoke to him like that. If anything, I supported him as much as I possibly could. To add to rehashing my past pain, obviously still alive and well in my heart, I now resented him for having such a terrific present girlfriend: how dare he?! I was bitter, angry, and downright miserable.
And who, pray tell, was I hurting in all of this gnashing of teeth? No one, just myself. Talk about a heart badly in need of decluttering. I finally was able to release those harmful, long-outdated emotions--the anger and the resentment--by vigorously reminding myself of one of my favorite mantras and applying it to him, past and present. People are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got from where they are. I must have repeated it 100 times a day for weeks until it finally became my truth. Until I could breathe again, feeling my heart decluttered.
Clutter Freedom. Ah, the freedom. Decluttering one’s heart is ten times more powerful than decluttering the garage, and the ensuing freedom, indescribably delicious. Give yourself that amazing freedom. Take one outdated emotion at a time, use whatever mantra works for you, the one I used or a more general release mantra along the lines of: “I release and let you go, old useless fear! I set myself free!” The words don’t matter as much as your intent does.
Figure out whatever affirmation works for you and use repetition to definitively let the useless emotion recede into a dim and distant past. Just like letting Goodwill pick up that old, battered, Lazy Boy and simply waving “bye-bye.”
Freedom!
How can you handle your work frustrations and anger without losing your job, or alienating friends and family with your constant complaining? Is there a better answer than “Oh, well,” and making do with your current situation? Yes! Find out, in this podcast, how to enroll family or friends in a positive way so they help you successfully resolve those frustrations, while making family and friends feel all the better for having helped you do so.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Random acts of kindness sound like just so much airy-fairy stuff you have neither the interest in or time for. And yet, random acts of kindness are part of what makes us truly human. Explore in this podcast exactly why such acts are important, and how they can bring more joy into your life quickly and easily, without costing you a dime.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
You would think that highly successful people, whatever their profession or occupation, are highly successful because, well, they know how to do something and keep on doing it correctly. But that is only a partial truth. Highly successful people do things correctly, yes, but more importantly, they follow the Japanese proverb, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
You see, no one ever gets it right every time, or maybe even the first or fiftieth time. That is irrelevant. What matters is to keep going. And going and going.
As in, never let an apparent failure stop you from reaching for your goal. Or, as Jerome Kern’s wonderful song states: “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” (A song made famous by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in “Swing Time,” just in case you were wondering.) Picking yourself back up from failure matters whether it’s in cooking the best lasagna or winning Olympic gold, or finally managing to get yourself to work on time.
Which reminds us of basketball legend Michael Jordan’s perfect quote: "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." This boils it down to a simple truth: when you view failure as a stepping stone to success, you can’t help but succeed.
The most brilliant among us at adopting the “stepping stone” approach are infants. Truly. And yes, you, since you were once one of those. Ever watched a baby learning to walk? They spend more time plunking down on their rears than they do on their feet. Which is true of animal babies as well as us humans. They don’t fret, they don’t assume they are failures as babies (human or otherwise). They just behave like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and pick themselves up and start over again. Minus the dusting off, true.
So, next time you miss an important deadline, botch a work assignment, can’t seem to master a tennis move, whatever it is, don’t plant a giant “L” on your forehead. Figure out what went wrong, not how YOU are wrong, a defective being, but simply how to do it differently, more effectively, next time, and keep going. That’s how success is built.
Do you think the Energizer
Bunny hit that drum perfectly every time? No way. And yet it, and you, just
need to figure out the next best way to do whatever, and keep – you got it –
going and going and going!
What is it with managers who want endless team meetings when you’re busy? Worse, now it’s their latest-greatest “team-building exercise.” Aargh! Got other things to do, thank you very much. But you can’t beg off, so . . . discover in this podcast the value a certain team-building exercise might actually have, and how to genuinely benefit from it.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Are you ever frustrated over how hard it is to get ahead? Like managing to get that raise or that promotion you so feel you deserve? In this podcast, find out what’s truly in the way of the success you long for, and how to turn things around in your favor!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
I have 2 dogs, both rescues. One of them is a German Shepherd mix, aka Baer, who had been tethered to a pole in a person’s yard with very little freedom of movement, for the first couple of years of his life. No big surprise, then, that once I adopted him, his great joy was to run around my yard with energy and gusto. He still does that, now at 13, but his legs don’t always cooperate. From time to time, Baer pulls a muscle and then hops around on 3 legs for a bit as he recovers.
Observing him, keeping a close watch to make sure nothing else is going on with him that would require vet care, I can’t help but notice that Baer never complains. He doesn’t bark in complaint at the rock that tripped him or at his doggie-brother who probably ran into him. He doesn’t whine, whimper, or otherwise express his displeasure at the current state of affairs. Baer simply adjusts his behavior to his current situation. He sleeps more, doesn’t run around quite as much, and only ups his activity level as his muscles heal.
Wish we were more like Baer! No matter what’s going on, complaining about it, blaming others or the state of the economy, the world, or the political situation of the day, isn’t going to solve/remedy our dilemma. It may feel better to blame and complain, certainly, but it doesn’t do any good. If anything, it keeps us focused on the negative, on the doom-and-gloom or 'poor-me' aspect, which hinders our ability to problem-solve creatively.
Successful people don’t do that. They have what’s called an “internal locus of control,” meaning that they believe they are in charge of what happens in their lives, and respond accordingly. Does that mean they – or we – are in charge of everything that happens in their lives? No! Of course, stuff happens that is outside of our control; however, we always have control over how we react to events and situations. It’s what separates those who are successful most of the time from those who are not, most of the time.
How do you plug into that “internal locus of control”? That willingness to react in a non-complaining, forward-looking, productive way to events and situations? Start with a 5-second recharge. Say what? Yes. First, take a deep breath (or 2 or 3, as needed), sit/stand up straight, think of something you are grateful for – it can be something as basic as “the sun came up” or “the earth is still turning on its axis”, it doesn’t matter what – and let that prime your pump for thinking of constructive ways to deal with your situation.
“I can do this” is always a
good follow-up to repeat to yourself as you tackle whatever it is. And yes, you
can.
What if you had a way to feel
better, that’s always available, costs nothing and has none of those dreaded
side effects? In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to a simple shift of
perspective that can transform your not-so-wonderful moments into a feel-good
solution, quickly and easily.
https://parade.com/health/i-am-77-in-the-best-shape-of-my-life-here-is-my-workout-routine
What if you had a way to feel better, that’s always available, costs nothing and has none of those dreaded side effects? In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to a simple shift of perspective that can transform your not-so-wonderful moments into a feel-good solution, quickly and easily.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Sometimes it can seem like everybody else has life handled in a successful way that totally eludes you. And yet, you have unique talents, skills and qualities that others don’t. In this podcast, you’ll explore what comparing yourself to others really does and be introduced to ways to get out of that comparison game altogether.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Just how powerful are negative thoughts or words you launch at your partner? Do they really damage your relationship when they know perfectly well that you love them? In a word, yes! In this podcast, you’ll discover how to deal with those negative thoughts/words not by becoming an insincere Pollyanna, but with a way to work with them to make your relationship better and better.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Sure, office gossip is fun. Who doesn’t relish the latest dirt on you-know-who? But what if that “fun” interferes with your getting ahead? Hmm. In this podcast, find out why gossip is counter-productive to your success and how to handle it without turning into an anti-gossip snob.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
One of my pet peeves (I, who spend entirely too much time driving the California freeways) is drivers who don’t use their turn signals. Come on, when traveling down the freeway, the last thing you need is some driver cutting in front of you without even the hint of a warning. Namely, said turn signal.
Turn signals were invented for a reason: safety! It’s just dangerous not to let fellow occupants of the road know what you’re about to do. Plus, to my mind, it’s disrespectful and discourteous. So there.
But the other day, after spending a good 10 minutes ranting, albeit silently and alone in my car, about the latest no-turn-signal driver’s behavior, a saying flashed through my mind: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” As in, that driver’s behavior, and others like theirs, isn’t mine to fix or correct, so not my “circus,” and they are definitely “not my monkeys.”
Huh. So I just wasted 10 precious minutes of my life on something that isn’t my business in the first place, and about which I can do absolutely nothing. Talk about a wake-up call! I started logging how much time I focus on circuses that aren’t mine, trying to corral monkeys that aren’t mine either. In a word, too much.
I put myself on a “circus and monkeys” diet. Now, when I catch myself obsessing about something like that, I switch my focus as quickly as possible to something pleasing to focus on, like the beauty of nature all around us. Or on something that is in my “circus and monkey” domain, like how to handle a problematic work situation.
Life is too valuable to waste
on situations we can do nothing about. So give up other people’s circuses! They
are not worth your time or your energy. Tend to your own monkeys, your life
will be better for it.
Why is it the voice in your head criticizes you non-stop? What if you instead talked yourself up, not down? Would anything change? Yes, indeed! In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to some easy techniques that can power you into the land of “up” not “down” to greater happiness and success!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
No, your world won’t come to a complete stop if you get your face out of your devices from time to time. On the contrary, in this podcast, explore how using your eyes as well as your ears to communicate with people puts you ahead of the game, whether that’s at work, at home, or even at the gym!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
I don’t think my ballroom instructor/dance partner was concerned with my longevity when he barked “You gotta smile!” at me as we practiced for an upcoming competition. I’m like “Really? Besides remembering my patterns, keeping my upper body lifted, my feet grounded, my legs long, my head up and my elbows wide, all of which are taking 100% of my effort and concentration, I gotta SMILE?!” Apparently, yes. So fine, I will smile. There!
But really, smiling is good for a lot more than dance competitions. Namely, people who smile more tend to enjoy numerous health benefits such as lower blood pressure, more endorphins (the good-feel hormone) and less stress-enhancing hormones (i.e., cortisol). They also have a longer life span. Plus, people who smile are viewed more positively by others than people who don’t. What’s not to smile about in all that?
You may ask, so how? Run around with a dental-commercial smile pasted on your face? No. That’s phony and wouldn’t feel right anyway. Rather, simply allow your face to relax into a smile when you see or hear something that pleases you. It doesn’t have to be in public situations, although the barista will appreciate the smile that accompanies your “thank you” as will the cashier or your co-worker. You can smile at your pet, your child/partner (ok, sometimes anyway), that lovely flower or sunset or at the memory of a savored moment.
Smiling is more of a habit to get into than anything else. The slight relaxation that usually ensues when one smiles should be enough to prompt you to smile more.
Smile! And enjoy the
benefits.
Why is celebrating your Anniversary – or any other special occasion with your partner – seem to cost so much? Do you really have to spend a fortune to prove to your beloved, that yes indeed, you do love them? In this podcast, discover a way to celebrate your love without spending your last dime--and making them oh-so-happy in the process . . .
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Do you ever feel like absolutely nothing is going your way? And like there’s nothing you can do about it but somehow endure this misery? In this podcast, find out how you can take charge of your life’s experiences and get to the happiness and success you deserve!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Whether these social media comments are harmful or beneficial isn’t the point. The point is that we are far more sensitized to others’ opinions of ourselves than we were a generation or so ago. It means that we tend to conform to how we think others want us to be or behave, and to not be who we truly are too much of the time. After all, we don’t want to be socially disapproved of. We don’t want to be swiped left.
Enough! Rebel! Take your life back! It’s about setting boundaries. We don’t need to be liked by everybody. We do need to be socially appropriate and responsible to our families, our communities and our work, but that’s about it. Boundaries can be set with respect and mindful of others, but they do need to be set if you intend to live your life in a way that pleases you, as opposed to pleasing everyone else who might weigh in on how you are and what you do.
I had an interesting experience with boundary-setting recently. I was on vacation, a rare treat for me, enjoying a boat ride along with half a dozen other vacationers. I didn’t know any of the people on the boat, which was fine with my introverted self. I was happily enjoying the sun, the ocean and the boat ride. A lady sitting near me asked me where I was from, I answered “California” and she immediately launched into “Isn’t it terrible about all those fires?” and went on and on about it.
Indeed, California had just been through a succession of devastating fires and it was on the news for days. I said nothing, just nodded, until she asked me, with considerable gusto, “So how did you do? Were you in the middle of all that? Was it really awful for you?” I made an executive decision with myself: time to set a boundary. “I prefer not to talk about it,” I said, as neutrally and politely as I could. “Oh!” she exclaimed, very surprised at my non-social response. But I didn’t want to talk about fires with anyone, certainly not a stranger, because after losing my home to a wildfire a few years ago, any talk about fires tends to trigger my PTSD symptoms.
I didn’t care what she thought of me. She could “swipe left” me the whole rest of the trip, it didn’t matter. I had taken back my life, done it “my way” as it were, with respect and appropriately, but taken it back nonetheless.
Do you sometimes let others’ opinions of you matter too
much? Diminish your individuality, your uniqueness? Something to think about.
When you find yourself overly conforming just to be “liked,” take a breath. Ask
yourself, “Do I need to set a boundary here? Take my life back?” and act
accordingly. You deserve to be who you are, who you want to be.
Too many decisions to make about too many things every moment of every day. Yikes! Welcome to the ever-increasing number of choices offered to us daily from big decisions like house/car buying to which laundry detergent will really clean your clothes.
In this podcast, you’ll discover a 3 step technique to help you deal with our exponentially expanding universe of choices, without going nuts or giving in to “whatever.”
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
As Valentine’s Day rapidly approaches, how about checking in with yourself as to your lovability? Yes, you know you’re a great person, terrific, but are you loveable? Great question! In this podcast, you’ll explore how to find out where you’re at in terms of your lovability – beyond your pretty/handsome face and winsome personality – to genuinely answer the question: Would you marry you?
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
You can sprinkle love anywhere! Anytime. Just like fairy dust. It’s not love as in “hugs and kisses,” as nice as those are, it’s love by a different description. Namely, “to delight in the presence of.” Nice, huh? You won’t find that definition in any dictionary. I heard it many years ago in a seminar and it hit home with me. I never forgot it.
In this month of love, with Valentine’s Day as its pinnacle, what if you chose to sprinkle love (aka fairy dust) in the form of “delighting in the presence of”? It doesn’t cost a dime, although it does take a bit of effort. Not much, really, and gets easier as you do it more often.
How do you do it?
It’s easy. Notice that when you appreciate someone or something, the appreciation makes you smile, even if only inwardly? I brought a rose in from my garden yesterday, and I can’t help but delight in its presence. It’s beautiful, and as the petals unfurl, it gets even more beautiful. Such delight is a little thing. It takes but seconds, and yet . . . a little more love just got sprinkled into the Universe.
It's really a question of focus. You can focus on your partner’s or your children’s flaws, or you can focus on how much fun it is to do things together that you all enjoy. Every time you focus on something about your partner/child that delights you, you’ve sprinkled more fairy dust.
Don’t have a partner or children? Not a problem. You can delight in literally anything, including yourself in the mirror. Really? Of course! Focusing on your crow’s feet, that new pimple or your receding hairline just makes you unhappy. Instead, sprinkle some fairy dust your way. Delight in how smooth your skin is, how pretty the color of your nut-brown/blue/green/hazel eyes is and how your smile lights up your whole face.
Try it. Sprinkle fairy dust wherever and however you can as you go through your day. The results may surprise you, and you don’t even need a wand.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
When did your relationship togetherness become a drag rather than a joy? What happened to the fun-loving happy-together couple that you once were? Wouldn’t it be nice to have that feeling of “happy together” once again? Well, in this podcast, you’ll find out just how to re-discover the closeness, the joy in your relationship.
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
Does the seeming impossibility of reaching your New Year fitness goals have you beyond frustrated? How can you pay attention to something as seemingly selfish as personal well-being when there’s so much else to take care of: family, work, etc.? In this podcast discover how to easily get to that energized self you want to be and truly deserve!
Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.
The first month of the New Year is traditionally when we give thought to what we might want next in our lives. As in wanting to change, or achieve, or hoping will be different. Such as the idea of better relationships with family, friends, loved ones, even pets. Starting with having less conflict or arguments with our nearest and dearest. Well, supposed to be our nearest and dearest. . .
A tried-and-true way of getting there can be summed up very simply by the phrase, “Seek first to understand.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? We all want to be more understanding of the others in our lives. Preferably without turning into doormats. But what does it really mean? And how do you get there?
Glad you asked. You see, “Seek first to understand” is actually a great way to defuse conflict because it lets you step back from a defensive posture. When you don’t attempt to respond with righteous push-back, but instead first try to understand where your partner, co-worker, child, or pet is coming from, chances are there won’t be an argument. Oh, you still may not come to a perfect solution, but as you understand what matters to the other, you open the door to negotiation, compromise, and eventually mutually acceptable solutions.
The easiest, most effective way to get to understanding someone else’s position or thinking, is to first take a breath and take a mental step back so you don’t march in with your automatic “That makes no sense!” or “You’re wrong, that’s all there is to it.” Then, as calmly and neutrally as you can, say something like “Ok, I hear you. Please tell me more.” And then wait. If that means internally counting to 10, so be it. 10 it is. Or 15 or 20. Whatever you need to help you stay calm. Meanwhile, if they stand there in stunned disbelief, which is highly likely, or ask “What do you mean, tell you more? There’s nothing more to say,” respond (calmly!) with something like “Tell me more about what that means to you, how it matters.” Once again, wait.
The wording of this technique is important. “Tell me more” gets you further than “I want to understand” which makes them ask about you. “Tell me more” makes it about them. And asking what something means and how it matters doesn’t engage the other’s defensiveness, whereas asking “why” most often does.
“Seek first to understand” rather than seeking first to win the argument. Try the “tell me more” technique and see for yourself just how much further it takes you along the road to peaceful relationships in every area of your life.
Happy 2025!
As I stood in line waiting for a table last week, a couple of people were leaving the restaurant. One of them was complaining about the fo...
