Just My Luck

Someone cuts you off in traffic, you get stuck behind the person with 30 items in the 10 items or less line, your hair dryer fails in the middle of your blow-dry, the cat throws up on your favorite shirt, and every time you say to yourself, gritting your teeth through it all, “Yup, just my luck.”

You say the same thing when your flight is delayed, or your luggage lost, or your supposed new boy/girlfriend forgets you exist – the list goes on.

You never say, “Just my luck” when the traffic flows freely and easily, the cashier opens a new line up just for you, your blow-dry is impeccable, and your cat uses the litter box for its intended use. Yet, you could. After all, why does “Just my luck” have to be said only of negative events? Why not turn it on its head and make it your happy go-to for when things do go your way?

Because I guarantee, if you’re still walking on this planet, that most things go your way. The sun rises and sets right on cue, you wake up and get your coffee/tea to face the day. You may not have your ideal job, but you have work or you can figure out a way to get some. You may not have your ideal mate, or for that matter any mate, but somewhere in your life there is someone (or some pet) that loves you. You do have “luck,” which in this regard, is simply a short form for “things to be grateful for.”

Why not go for it? Why not start noticing all the “lucky” things that happen to you every single day, and say “Just my luck” with a smile? You just might get even--luckier.

Discard Negative Thoughts that Sabotage Your Life – Embrace a Positive Mindset Instead!

Photo courtesy of Sixty and Me

The dictionary defines sabotage as an attempt to deliberately destroy, damage, or otherwise obstruct something. When we sabotage ourselves, it's often sneaky and can go virtually undetected until we realize that we’re unhappy, or feeling unfulfilled, or that we’re hurt in some way.

One of the sneakiest saboteurs I know of is our nasty habit of entertaining negative thoughts. Thoughts that see the glass as half-empty, our world as unfulfilling, other people as treacherous.

Sabotage Is Unhealthy. Entertain negative thoughts often enough, with sufficient energy, and your health will suffer. Science tells us that such negative thinking depresses our immune system, which in turn can lead to a host of unwelcome disorders: cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, certain cancers, Alzheimer's disease, frailty and functional decline, to name but a few.

The sneaky aspect is that often these thoughts are partially grounded in reality. My flight was canceled this morning, customer service was having a dickens of a time re-booking some 80 passengers and the upshot is we were all considerably late to wherever we were headed. Glass half-empty? You bet. In that moment, my world was certainly unfulfilling, and the notion that my luggage wouldn’t make it to my destination was “treacherous.”

In and of themselves, such thoughts are harmless. Sabotage occurs when we dwell on them--we end up rehashing negative events, looking ahead with trepidation, distrusting everyone and everything on a regular basis.

Negative Thoughts Hold Us Back. The ensuing sabotage of our otherwise happy, healthy lives prevents us from trying new things, exploring new activities. We shy away from the unfamiliar, even if a part of us really wants to try it.

We say to ourselves, “I don’t know how,” as if people who know how were somehow born with the ability. We say, “I’ll be terrible at it.” Everybody is terrible at something new--it takes perseverance and patience to get good at things. We say, “I’m inadequate” or “I’ve never done anything like this,” and with that we squash whatever dream we had. As we move through our 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, we are prone to even more such talk.

What a shame. How dreadful to sabotage dreams, dash hopes and aspirations before they even get off the ground.

How life would have been different for Quin Bommelje, if, at 60, she had said to her husband “No, I don’t think we should try ballroom dancing. I mean, come on, look at us! We’re not dancers, we’re in our 60s, what’s the point of taking ballroom lessons?” Well, the point is that once she and her husband started dancing, Quin discovered she really enjoyed it. At 71, a mere 11 years later, Quin won the America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer award with her dance partner, Misha. Her message to all: age is irrelevant to living your dream.

Yet age is only irrelevant if you don’t allow those sabotaging thoughts to intrude. Counter every negative thought with a positive “Yeah, but,” as in “Yeah, but it might be fun,” “Yeah, but you never know, I might just get good at it.”  

Never let yourself say “That’s all very well for those people, not regular people like me.” Not so. In my research of seniors, I’ve learned an essential, profound truth: they are without exception “regular people.” Some able-bodied, some not so, some long-time active individuals, some never. All of them are just like you and me, with one critical difference; they never let sabotaging thoughts interfere with their desire to be or do whatever it is that makes their hearts sing.

As for my canceled/re-booked travel today, I reversed my negative thinking and put an end to my self-sabotage by reminding myself that I’ve flown umpteen times and always made it to wherever I needed to go in sufficient time. That the airlines are well intentioned, in the business of satisfying customers, and eventually all would be well. And by the time my little red suitcase and I were reunited at the right destination, my sabotaging thoughts were long gone.

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For stories about amazing older folks, go to https://www.Facebook.com/MeetTheAmazings.

Shift your Perspective

Are you a hero or victim?

How do you see yourself? As a hero or a victim? In any given life circumstance, you can see yourself either way.

I recently moved into my new home. As is often the case with a “new” home, that is to say new to me, although built in the mid 1960s, it has what is euphemistically referred to as a few “issues.” As in, I was scheduled to leave town for work first thing Friday morning, and Wednesday night, both toilets in my house ceased to function. This mattered greatly, as the puppy-sitter who was booked to take care of my beloved dogs in my absence could not be expected to stay over-night without a functioning toilet, and it being a Holiday weekend, I would not be able to find a place to board them last-minute.

Hero or victim? First thought, victim. Of all the times for the toilets to fail, and not one, but both toilets! After frantic calls to plumbers not returning my call (more “victim”), worrying myself sick over “Now, what?! This is a disaster!”(yet more “victim”) I took myself in hand, and gave myself a talking-to.

As in, “who would you like to be, Noelle?” A whiny victim, or a successful hero? Good question. Because, you see, I know from long experience, that a hero is simply someone who refuses to see a problem as unsolvable, and forges on until some kind of solution is unearthed. Sometimes that means being Captain Marvel and saving the world, sometimes it’s just me figuring out a toilet situation . . .

Once I shifted my perspective, it dawned on me to contact the repair person who’d fixed some odds and ends; maybe he’d know a willing plumber. To my surprise, he turned out to be the willing plumber. Plus, he was up for a crack-of-dawn visit to the local home improvement center, purchasing two new guaranteed fully-functioning toilets--at a reasonable price, no less-- and installing them, all before I had to leave Friday morning. Whew.

Had I stuck with my “Woe is me, life is so unfair” position, I would not have continued trying to come up with a solution. It was only when I told myself that somehow I’d get this handled that the idea came to me to contact the repair person.

Next time you are up against what could easily be defined as a victim situation, challenge yourself to find your inner hero. You’ll be surprised at just how innovative they (you) are.

Sixty and Me: #1 Reason Why Older Women Should Care About Finding Their Purpose and Passion

Photo Courtesy of Sixty and Me

What gets you out of bed in the morning? Do you do it because you “have” to, as in, it’s what one does, or is it because you can’t wait to return to something you absolutely love to do?

How you answer this question has a surprising impact on your longevity. In recent research conducted over a period of 14 years, people who had a sense of purpose in their lives experienced a 15 percent less risk of dying as compared to those who felt relatively aimless in their lives.

What’s most exciting about this research is that it didn’t matter when people found that purpose – that whatever-it-was that gave their life meaning.

A person who discovered a passion for painting in their 70s benefited from additional longevity in the same way as the person who’d been painting up a storm since their 20s.

Now that’s worth thinking about. We often attribute the meaningfulness of our lives to our work/career, or to our family. But what happens when you retire from the work world, your family ends up on the other side of the country or planet, or you didn’t have grandchildren despite your fondest hopes?

You have a choice. You can take it upon yourself to discover a passion, something that gives renewed vigor and meaning to your life, or you can resign yourself to boredom and stagnation with its inevitable decline into poor health and early demise.

How to Find Your Passion

Often, the easiest route to find your passion is to think back to what you enjoyed doing in your youth but had to set aside for reasons of work and family commitments.

A dear friend of mine, who had a stellar career as a trial lawyer, formed a rock band with like-minded retirees, all in their 70s. Sure, they play for their own enjoyment.

Any performances are generally for free at senior centers, “concerts in the park,” and other public venues. They don’t mind. Playing their instruments and playing together is what fuels their joy.
The seniors I’ve researched through the years have found a variety of passions – painting, volunteering at places from museums to hospitals, swimming, running, dancing, quilting, writing, and on and on.

Elisa Costantini, for example, was aimless after the death of her beloved husband and slipping into a deep depression. Knowing how much she had enjoyed cooking throughout her life, her son Frank nudged Elisa in the direction of collecting some of her wonderful recipes.

With his encouragement, Elisa not only gathered her recipes but wrote a cookbook at age 78. She’d never written anything before. This project gave her life such a renewed purpose that Elisa went on at 80 to write and publish a second cookbook, “Italian Moms: Something Old, Something New.”

If there’s nothing in your younger days that appeals to you, look around at what other people are doing, regardless of their age. Just about any activity can be adjusted to suit your physical capabilities, be that scuba diving, playing tennis, or mountain climbing – although, be sure to check with your physician first.

Learning is geared to all ages. Learning a language, a craft, a skill can be adapted to your means and resources. Once you start deliberately exploring and noticing what other people love to do, you will find something – or many things – that pique your interest.

Just Do It

Of course, you actually have to get up, get out, and do it. You may need to stick with something for a while before you realize its true joy.

Many times, starting with one activity leads you to another that you find even more rewarding. Group classes are a great way to discover whether you like something enough to pursue it.

Persist

Look upon uncovering your new purpose, your passion, as an adventure. That sense of adventure alone will draw you towards finding new meaning, and with that, a longer lease on a happy life.

Sixty and Me