Life Is Meant For Joy!

 

Really? With bills to pay, rent to cover, kids to corral, too much to do in too little time, especially with the Holidays upon us and all the extra stuff that needs tending, doing, paying for? Joy? Give it a rest.

Well, I would, except joy is our basic nature. It’s what everything else we do is aiming for. Yes, money is nice, but why? For the joy it brings us in the form of comfort and/or giving to others. Success is grand, but why? For the joy of accomplishment, of expressing ourselves to the fullest of our being-ness. Raising a family is for many, an ardent wish, but why? For the joy of it.

But too often, in the hectic pace of our lives, we forget about all this. We focus on all that is going wrong, or could go wrong, or might if we’re not incredibly careful, go wrong. And so, we miss out on the very essence of life - which babies and dogs know all about, BTW. Joy!

This special time of year is meant to be one of gratitude, kindness, compassion, and yes, joy. So why not give yourself the gift of joy? It’s easy and doesn’t cost a dime. All it takes is a willingness to focus a little more on what’s going right in your life. Or could go right. Or might, just might, go right.

Like the fact that the sun came up, pretty much right on cue. That the earth is still turning in its orbit. Dang! You’re still breathing. And then there are the circumstances of your life that are personal to you. For me, it’s that despite a tweaked knee, I’m still dancing. My dogs are wonderful, even when they trek their muddy paws all over my newly washed floors. I have friends who are happy to see me, and I them. Joy!

As you go through your days, this Holiday Season, allow yourself to notice your “going rights” wherever they may be, big or small. Because every time you appreciate what’s going right in your life, you add to your overall happiness, and isn’t that what it’s all about, anyway?

Joy!

 

The Magic of The 5:1 Ratio

 

I’m sitting on the floor in my office, cell in hand, eye-balling the Internet router refusing to connect to the Internet, while the Frontier tech troubleshoots the problem. Which occurred because our neighborhood had a power outage, now resolved. Why one has to endure the misery of Internet disconnection on top of a power outage, I have no idea, but such is the reality of our interconnected world . . .

I’m not happy. Duh. I have a full workload and no time to deal with all this. As I sit there, fussing and fuming, I remember the magic 5:1 ratio. Namely, everything works better when you balance your one negative thought with five positive thoughts*. Deep breath. I release the pity party, and off I go. I can actually speak with a live tech, yay! I still have cell service, yay! I can call my next appointment for directions, yay! The power is on, yay! I have plenty of work I can do offline, yuck – sorry, yay!

Then I remember, “Thanksgiving.” Right! The season of gratitude. What better time to implement the 5:1 ratio with more than my current Internet woes? Like to notice everything I love about my home, about my puppies, about my work, about my clients, about my friends, my Church, my neighborhood? And on and on. Do I have complaints about all sorts of things? Yes, don’t we all. But somehow, as I find at least five things to appreciate about everything in my life, from the mundane (easy bathroom cleaning) to the sublime (my relationship to Spirit), those complaints are irrelevant. Just bits to clean up, handle, resolve, but nothing to waste my precious life energy on.

Thanksgiving! What a wonderful, inspiring time of year. May yours be filled with joy and multitudinous reasons for – gratitude!

*For the origin of the ratio, see Dr. Gottman’s work

Pull Out Your Superpower

 

As we struggle to emerge from these long months of pandemic, it can be challenging to find the strength to keep going. It’s not just the constantly shifting COVID protocols, there’s our work situations, our finances, our living conditions, which for many of us keep changing and morphing. Sometimes into non-existence. And there are the continual stresses of our family life, as kids do (or don’t) make it to school, whether online or in person, and it’s hard to have any kind of stable routine, whether you have 5 children, none, or are single.

Factor in the climate crises – hot/cold/fires/hurricanes/floods – and the political/social chaos pretty much everywhere in the world, and it’s enough to make even the strongest among us want to crawl down to the bottom of the bed under the covers and stay there until it’s all over. Which is, at this rate, highly unlikely . . .

So pull out your Superpower. Yeah, right, uh-huh. As if leaping tall buildings in a single bound or throwing a punch of white light could do anything for you. Ah, but that’s not what a Superpower is necessarily. A Superpower can be – well, let me give you an example by way of explanation.

Sebbie Hall, 17, has a rare chromosome anomaly, which at one time looked like it would make it impossible for him to ever walk or talk. Despite Sebbie’s learning difficulties, among which is a difficulty in finding words, he’s a normal English teen in many ways. Disappointed that his good friend couldn’t communicate with him as the pandemic started, Sebbie wanted to give his friend his own iPad. Sebbie’s Mom had a better idea: why not raise money so his friend, and others like him, could get what they needed during these rough times.

But how? Sebbie’s not a celebrity, doesn’t have a unique musical or another such talent, and is differently-abled - which often makes approaching others dicey. But then Sebbie thought “I can be kind,” and to date, has performed over 1,600 acts of kindness, from walking neighbors’ pets to washing cars, handing out PPE, giving coats to the homeless, and even collecting unwanted Halloween pumpkins so they could be turned into soup and pies for the needy. This, Sebbie declared, was his Superpower: kindness. With it, Sebbie has raised via Crowdfunding approximately $39,000 with which to help others in need.

What’s your Superpower? I know what mine is: appreciation. Once I stumbled into the enormous power of appreciation and realized I could appreciate something, somewhere, at any time and any place, regardless of what was going on in my life, I had it. Appreciation is most definitely my Superpower. Nope, I can’t leap over tall buildings with it, but I can appreciate tall buildings and those who do leap. Turning to appreciation no matter what has been my saving grace, and appreciating others purposefully has brought many a smile to many a face.

How about you? What Superpower might you claim as your own? You may surprise yourself with what comes up for you, and then with just how wonderful claiming -  and using - your Superpower can be.

Just My Luck

Someone cuts you off in traffic, you get stuck behind the person with 30 items in the 10 items or less line, your hair dryer fails in the middle of your blow-dry, the cat throws up on your favorite shirt, and every time you say to yourself, gritting your teeth through it all, “Yup, just my luck.”

You say the same thing when your flight is delayed, or your luggage lost, or your supposed new boy/girlfriend forgets you exist – the list goes on.

You never say, “Just my luck” when the traffic flows freely and easily, the cashier opens a new line up just for you, your blow-dry is impeccable, and your cat uses the litter box for its intended use. Yet, you could. After all, why does “Just my luck” have to be said only of negative events? Why not turn it on its head and make it your happy go-to for when things do go your way?

Because I guarantee, if you’re still walking on this planet, that most things go your way. The sun rises and sets right on cue, you wake up and get your coffee/tea to face the day. You may not have your ideal job, but you have work or you can figure out a way to get some. You may not have your ideal mate, or for that matter any mate, but somewhere in your life there is someone (or some pet) that loves you. You do have “luck,” which in this regard, is simply a short form for “things to be grateful for.”

Why not go for it? Why not start noticing all the “lucky” things that happen to you every single day, and say “Just my luck” with a smile? You just might get even--luckier.

Who Has More Fun, Us or Dogs?

We have a new neighbor on our hill. I met him the other day when I was taking my beloved old puppy - whose arthritis prevents him from getting a walk - out for his drive. My neighbor was walking his three pups down the hill, so of course as mutual dog lovers, we had to stop and have a conversation. One of my neighbor’s dogs only sported two legs; he had a wheeled contraption that took the place of his back legs. Another of his dogs rolled around gleefully in a doggy-perfected wheelchair with his three legs, and the last of his cuties had the more common four legs, of which three are of the regular kind, and a bionic titanium hind leg! Despite their differences, all three dogs were obviously happy, healthy, enthusiastic critters.

And my sweet 14 year old Ringo, despite his creaky hindquarters and sagging back, enjoys his car-rides enormously, muzzle straight into the wind like any self-respecting dog.

What a wonder our animal-friends are! They don’t complain about much of anything. Certainly, if an animal is mistreated or abused, they suffer, but under normal conditions, our furry-friends accept their condition and enjoy life as it is. Right then, right there. Even the small lizard that I’ve come to recognize because he has half his tail missing, plunks himself on my deck to enjoy the sun, tail or no tail.

What is it with us humans that we complain about the least little ache and pain? It doesn’t make the pain go away, actually, dwelling on pain usually makes it worse. Yet here we are, moaning and groaning while three legged dogs hop around happy.

I am reminded of six dogs that were rescued recently in North Carolina. Trapped in their cage, about to drown in the still-rising flood-waters, the dogs were set free by rescuers. The pups ran out of their cage through the water to dry land, wolfed down the food given them by their good Samaritans, and wagged their tails: “Now what?”

Unlike us, the dogs did not revisit their recent trauma, complain about their days without food, no doubt scared and cold, they simply – once rescued – resumed their doggy lives. Now granted, sometimes revisiting the past is helpful, even necessary, for us. Process the experience, sure. Look for a solution or resolution, absolutely. But what we don’t need to do is complain about it.

So I’ve decided to give myself a most unusual present this Holiday Season. I’m going to quit complaining. At least as often as I can catch myself doing it (there’s a challenge for you!). And I invite you to join me, if you like, in ditching the complaining.

After all, who seems to be having more fun, us or the dogs?!