Sixty and Me: If You Think You Can, You Can – and Your 6+ Decades Can’t Stop You!

A couple of my friends decided to take up tennis recently. They’re both in their mid-60s, neither of them particularly athletic, both in decent health.

Tennis seemed like a fun activity that would get them out in the fresh air and doing something together that would be good for their bodies. They joined a tennis class to get started.
One of the gals, let’s call her Amy, didn’t stop complaining from Day 1. “It’s hard,” she said, of virtually everything she had to learn. It didn’t matter if it was picking up the ball or learning the correct stance for a serve, “It’s hard” was her constant refrain.

The other woman, “Jane,” had a different approach. She just went about trying to learn the game. Both women did their best to follow the instructor and both stuck with the class, but which one do you think actually learned how to play? Jane.

Jane didn’t have any more natural ability, talent, or special tennis-ready muscles. She simply didn’t get in the way of her brain learning a new skill.

Our Brain Holds the Key

Our brains are what it’s all about. As Donald Hebb, PhD, one of the foremost scientists who pioneered research into neuroplasticity and neuropsychology, said, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.”

How we think on a regular basis is what determines how our brain wires itself, which in turn, determines how we perceive our world and shapes our experiences.

Amy telling herself “It’s hard” at every tennis move, pretty much guaranteed that her brain would wire itself accordingly. She would continue to see everything in tennis as “hard,” making it even more challenging for her to accomplish her tennis goals.

Jane, on the other hand, didn’t shape her brain one way or the other. She let the tennis experience be whatever her body and mind made of each new step as it came along. This resulted in a fairly easy learning curve and achievement of her goals.

Pushing Our Brains

We can take this understanding one step farther by saying, “I like this!” or “Yes!” or “Wow, I can actually do this!” which would wire our brains to see the activity or behavior as pleasant, doable, something we could master.

This is precisely what Kris Machnick does. At 80, Kris’ passion is ice climbing. She climbs ice mountains for the joy of it and to raise funds for neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.

Kris didn’t start as a mountain climber until she was 62, and then only went for indoor gym climbing. It took her a couple of years to go for outdoor climbing. From there, her passion for ice climbing evolved.

Had Kris taken one look at a mountain and thought, “It’s too hard,” her brain would have dutifully absorbed that information and literally made it too hard for Kris to climb.

Fortunately, Kris not only had the thoughts that allowed her brain to approach the experience in a positive manner, she continued thinking that way after she suffered a severe knee injury. Kris did what she had to do to recover and climbed right back up her beloved mountains.

No matter what activity you would like to pursue, be it learning a new language, growing tomatoes, or hiking the high hills, help yourself succeed by wiring your brain for success.

Tell yourself, “I can do this,” or “Others have learned this, so can I,” or “It’ll be fun!” Any thought with a positive spin will help your brain help you.

Just remember, the little train’s “I think I can, I think I can” got it up the hill. We’re all like that little train. “I think I can” takes you a long way towards the joy of “I can” and the fun and sense of achievement that goes with it.

For more of my articles at Sixty and Me, go to http://sixtyandme.com/author/noelle-nelson.

Discard Negative Thoughts that Sabotage Your Life – Embrace a Positive Mindset Instead!

Photo courtesy of Sixty and Me

The dictionary defines sabotage as an attempt to deliberately destroy, damage, or otherwise obstruct something. When we sabotage ourselves, it's often sneaky and can go virtually undetected until we realize that we’re unhappy, or feeling unfulfilled, or that we’re hurt in some way.

One of the sneakiest saboteurs I know of is our nasty habit of entertaining negative thoughts. Thoughts that see the glass as half-empty, our world as unfulfilling, other people as treacherous.

Sabotage Is Unhealthy. Entertain negative thoughts often enough, with sufficient energy, and your health will suffer. Science tells us that such negative thinking depresses our immune system, which in turn can lead to a host of unwelcome disorders: cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, certain cancers, Alzheimer's disease, frailty and functional decline, to name but a few.

The sneaky aspect is that often these thoughts are partially grounded in reality. My flight was canceled this morning, customer service was having a dickens of a time re-booking some 80 passengers and the upshot is we were all considerably late to wherever we were headed. Glass half-empty? You bet. In that moment, my world was certainly unfulfilling, and the notion that my luggage wouldn’t make it to my destination was “treacherous.”

In and of themselves, such thoughts are harmless. Sabotage occurs when we dwell on them--we end up rehashing negative events, looking ahead with trepidation, distrusting everyone and everything on a regular basis.

Negative Thoughts Hold Us Back. The ensuing sabotage of our otherwise happy, healthy lives prevents us from trying new things, exploring new activities. We shy away from the unfamiliar, even if a part of us really wants to try it.

We say to ourselves, “I don’t know how,” as if people who know how were somehow born with the ability. We say, “I’ll be terrible at it.” Everybody is terrible at something new--it takes perseverance and patience to get good at things. We say, “I’m inadequate” or “I’ve never done anything like this,” and with that we squash whatever dream we had. As we move through our 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, we are prone to even more such talk.

What a shame. How dreadful to sabotage dreams, dash hopes and aspirations before they even get off the ground.

How life would have been different for Quin Bommelje, if, at 60, she had said to her husband “No, I don’t think we should try ballroom dancing. I mean, come on, look at us! We’re not dancers, we’re in our 60s, what’s the point of taking ballroom lessons?” Well, the point is that once she and her husband started dancing, Quin discovered she really enjoyed it. At 71, a mere 11 years later, Quin won the America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer award with her dance partner, Misha. Her message to all: age is irrelevant to living your dream.

Yet age is only irrelevant if you don’t allow those sabotaging thoughts to intrude. Counter every negative thought with a positive “Yeah, but,” as in “Yeah, but it might be fun,” “Yeah, but you never know, I might just get good at it.”  

Never let yourself say “That’s all very well for those people, not regular people like me.” Not so. In my research of seniors, I’ve learned an essential, profound truth: they are without exception “regular people.” Some able-bodied, some not so, some long-time active individuals, some never. All of them are just like you and me, with one critical difference; they never let sabotaging thoughts interfere with their desire to be or do whatever it is that makes their hearts sing.

As for my canceled/re-booked travel today, I reversed my negative thinking and put an end to my self-sabotage by reminding myself that I’ve flown umpteen times and always made it to wherever I needed to go in sufficient time. That the airlines are well intentioned, in the business of satisfying customers, and eventually all would be well. And by the time my little red suitcase and I were reunited at the right destination, my sabotaging thoughts were long gone.

 _____________________________________________

For stories about amazing older folks, go to https://www.Facebook.com/MeetTheAmazings.

Sixty and Me: #1 Reason Why Older Women Should Care About Finding Their Purpose and Passion

Photo Courtesy of Sixty and Me

What gets you out of bed in the morning? Do you do it because you “have” to, as in, it’s what one does, or is it because you can’t wait to return to something you absolutely love to do?

How you answer this question has a surprising impact on your longevity. In recent research conducted over a period of 14 years, people who had a sense of purpose in their lives experienced a 15 percent less risk of dying as compared to those who felt relatively aimless in their lives.

What’s most exciting about this research is that it didn’t matter when people found that purpose – that whatever-it-was that gave their life meaning.

A person who discovered a passion for painting in their 70s benefited from additional longevity in the same way as the person who’d been painting up a storm since their 20s.

Now that’s worth thinking about. We often attribute the meaningfulness of our lives to our work/career, or to our family. But what happens when you retire from the work world, your family ends up on the other side of the country or planet, or you didn’t have grandchildren despite your fondest hopes?

You have a choice. You can take it upon yourself to discover a passion, something that gives renewed vigor and meaning to your life, or you can resign yourself to boredom and stagnation with its inevitable decline into poor health and early demise.

How to Find Your Passion

Often, the easiest route to find your passion is to think back to what you enjoyed doing in your youth but had to set aside for reasons of work and family commitments.

A dear friend of mine, who had a stellar career as a trial lawyer, formed a rock band with like-minded retirees, all in their 70s. Sure, they play for their own enjoyment.

Any performances are generally for free at senior centers, “concerts in the park,” and other public venues. They don’t mind. Playing their instruments and playing together is what fuels their joy.
The seniors I’ve researched through the years have found a variety of passions – painting, volunteering at places from museums to hospitals, swimming, running, dancing, quilting, writing, and on and on.

Elisa Costantini, for example, was aimless after the death of her beloved husband and slipping into a deep depression. Knowing how much she had enjoyed cooking throughout her life, her son Frank nudged Elisa in the direction of collecting some of her wonderful recipes.

With his encouragement, Elisa not only gathered her recipes but wrote a cookbook at age 78. She’d never written anything before. This project gave her life such a renewed purpose that Elisa went on at 80 to write and publish a second cookbook, “Italian Moms: Something Old, Something New.”

If there’s nothing in your younger days that appeals to you, look around at what other people are doing, regardless of their age. Just about any activity can be adjusted to suit your physical capabilities, be that scuba diving, playing tennis, or mountain climbing – although, be sure to check with your physician first.

Learning is geared to all ages. Learning a language, a craft, a skill can be adapted to your means and resources. Once you start deliberately exploring and noticing what other people love to do, you will find something – or many things – that pique your interest.

Just Do It

Of course, you actually have to get up, get out, and do it. You may need to stick with something for a while before you realize its true joy.

Many times, starting with one activity leads you to another that you find even more rewarding. Group classes are a great way to discover whether you like something enough to pursue it.

Persist

Look upon uncovering your new purpose, your passion, as an adventure. That sense of adventure alone will draw you towards finding new meaning, and with that, a longer lease on a happy life.

Sixty and Me

Sixty And Me: When Injury Strikes After 60, Will You Give Up or Get Going?

(Note: For more great articles and advice from Sixty and Me, go to http://sixtyandme.com.)

My knee hurts. I don’t know what I did in dance class last night, what awkward move I made to stress the darn thing, but bottom line is – it hurts.

As I tape it up before going to sleep, I grumble about it, which, of course, does no good whatsoever. I wake up in a foul mood, trudge down the stairs with a slight limp, still grousing.

But when I sit with my morning cup of tea, seeing the brightness of a new day, hearing the birds sing, I shake myself. What am I doing? I know better than to be complaining, moaning, and groaning.

I know, from umpteen studies and scientific research, that what we think has almost immediate impact on how we feel, how our bodies function. And the worst possible thing I can do, relative to my knee, is feed my body pessimistic thoughts.

How You View Your Injury Impacts How Fast You Heal

A recent study done specifically on 60-and-older individuals found that how people think about their aches and pains shows up in how quickly and well they heal – or don’t.

Those who think pessimistically tend to experience decreased mobility and greater likelihood of more disabilities. Those who think optimistically experience better mobility and a decreased likelihood of further disabilities. What you think, matters.

Ann McGowan is a stellar example of one who thinks optimistically about her aches and pains. A National Senior Games champion, who at 93 won a silver medal for the long jump and a bronze medal for shot put and discus, Ann persevered despite her back surgery and a recent mastectomy.
She sees no reason to stop doing what she has enjoyed for over 40 years. Had Ann thought that back surgery or a mastectomy were permanent obstacles or that they spelled the end of the sports road for her, she would never have gone on to win these – and many other- – medals.

But most importantly, she would have needlessly deprived herself of her passion.

How can we think optimistically about our aches and pains? Here are two easy ways:

#1: Temporary or Permanent Injury?

Let’s take my knee as an example. Is it a temporary or permanent injury? I can look at it either way.
I can say to myself, “Well, it’s not the first time I’ve done something unfortunate in class, or stumbled, or tripped, or in some other way hurt my knee. I’ve always recovered. It may take more or less time, but when I do the things I know to do – physical therapy, tape my knees, use ointments, take it easy, stretch more – my knee heals.”

Or, I can say to myself, “Well, so much for dance class. That’s over. I can’t dance with a bum knee, that’s for sure. It’s my own darn fault, trying to do things older people shouldn’t even consider.”
With that, I don’t do any of the healing things I would have if I had looked at my knee as a temporary hurt. I accept the permanence of the hurt, and with that, my body gets this message: “Don’t bother trying to heal. We’re done.”

Thinking optimistically about aches and pains is to think of them as temporary, not permanent. Just like a child who falls down and skins her knee doesn’t think of the injury as permanent. She simply gets up and keeps on going. Kids know – we know – the body heals.

#2: Bump in the Road, or the Whole Road?

I can look at my knee and think, “Well now, that was interesting. Fortunately, I have another knee, plus the rest of my body that’s doing pretty OK. Maybe I can work with my dance instructor, so we don’t stress my knee while it’s healing, put some emphasis on the other things I need to learn.”
And with that thought, I’ve categorized my knee injury as simply a bump in my dance road, not the definitive end to that particular journey.

Or, I can think, “Oh, no! I’m over 60, it’s all downhill from here. My knee is the first to go, next it’ll be a hip – or two,” and that’s it. I don’t expend any thought, effort, or energy in actually helping my knee heal, I abandon it – literally.

My body, obedient servant to my mind, responds with, “As you wish,” and sure enough, I would lose more mobility and be prone to further disabilities as the above study showed.

Don’t let your aches and pains turn into permanent misery or put a stop to whatever it is that you love doing. Think of them as temporary, a mere bump in the road, and you’ll be back on your happy way soon enough.

What kind of injuries have you experienced that took a long time to heal? What motivation techniques worked for you to get back on your feet after an injury? Have you had to readjust your life after an injury? How did that affect you? Let’s discuss the things we do to adjust when healing from an injury.

Sixty and Me: Why Saying “I Can” Can Make You a Winner in Your 60s

A friend and I were watching the Wimbledon finals on TV, clapping and cheering through every match. After the tournament, she leaned in to me and said, “Oh, how I wish I could play tennis. It’s such a great sport.”

“So, find a teacher and take lessons,” I said.

“Oh, I can’t.” Off my questioning look, she said simply, “I’m too old.”

“You’re 70, what’s the big deal?”

“That’s just it. I’m 70. I can’t.” She then took her now-depressed self off to the kitchen for some ice-cream therapy. I wasn’t about to let her leave it at that.

“You’re 70, not dead.”

“But my knees hurt sometimes, and I can’t move as fast as I used to. What’s the point? I’ll probably just end up hurting myself.”

“But what if you didn’t? What if you just had fun? You’ll never know unless you try.”

Age Is Not the Issue

We stop ourselves from attempting things we would love to do, or be or experience, because we believe the misconception that our age forbids it. But there’s very little that our age truly keeps us from doing.

Maybe you won’t be able to reach a professional level – or anywhere near professional level – but who cares? If you want to do it, if it puts a song in your heart, what difference does it make that your knees creak and your wrinkles have wrinkles of their own?

Where would Nell Painter be today, at 76, if she’d told herself, “I can’t” when her dream of being an artist took hold at 64? She certainly wouldn’t be displaying her paintings in galleries – and successfully selling them.

Nell didn’t let her age stop her, even when she enrolled in the Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers University and found herself side by side with students in their late teens.

Plus, she was learning painting from scratch, mind you, because Nell’s career had been as a History Professor at Princeton University, the furthest thing from an artistic endeavor.

Transform Your “I Can’t” into “I Can”

So, how do you get there? How do you transform that pesky “I can’t” into a fruitful “I can” attitude?
For one, appreciate what you have. Be grateful for whatever physicality you possess, be grateful for whatever mental capacity you have, be grateful for the abundant resources that you can put to work for you.

Research shows that managers who appreciate their employees and express gratitude to them, experience a 50% increase in employee performance. You are the manager of yourself. Think about it.

If you express gratitude for, and appreciate whatever faculties you currently have, just like those workers, you’ll likely see a substantial increase in your performance.

What You Think, You Become

Appreciate yourself and chances are good you’ll become more capable. Think of yourself as old and incapable, and guess what? Chances are good you’ll decline, becoming ever more incapable.

My friend found a seniors’ tennis club with a tennis coach who volunteered her time to teach these tennis hopefuls the basics of the game. The coach was mindful of the members’ different physical abilities and functionality and helped them figure out how to work around their various issues.

No, there are no budding Serena Williamses in the bunch, but the members love to play and have fun together, my friend included. She’s now a very vocal advocate of the “I can” attitude.

Sixty and Me: How to be an Adventerous Lover of Life in Your 60s by Saying "I Can!"

Read my latest "60 and Me" article here: http://bit.ly/2AOLqHd.