More Hope and Less Angst

My best friend and I had a vigorous discussion recently about the relative merits of process versus results. She was extolling the virtues of process and processing, and I was nattering on about “results, results, results.” Yet the obvious conclusion at the end of our conversation, was that both are necessary and valuable. Without process/processing, there is no valid result. Without a result in mind, process/processing is so much mental-meandering.

Which got me thinking in a different way about our present situation. The pandemic. Which we’d all like to see over and done with like, yesterday. A final resounding result to this seemingly unending situation. Which as is increasingly clear, will not be the case. But what if we viewed it more as process? As something we quite literally are processing (like it or not!), which according to The Free Dictionary, is “To gain an understanding or acceptance of; come to terms with.”

Take four-year-old Madison and her dad Dan Presser. At first, Dan’s idea was just to find something fun for Madison to do, to help his daughter come to terms with the long months of isolation. What was it? He re-created little videos on his iPhone of famous movie scenes, with Madison as the lead, and posted them on the Internet. So there was the “Lion King” episode, a “Mrs. Doubtfire" episode and a "Forrest Gump” episode, along with many others as our stay-at-home continues. Mom (aka Mrs. Presser) would make the costumes, and baby brother (21 months old) would occasionally grace the scene with an appearance. Madison’s friends were included via their phones as sometime supporting players.

Much to Dan’s surprise, the videos garnered a growing following. With that, Dan was inspired to use the videos’ popularity as a teaching moment for his daughter. How one could help people in need, in particular those who didn’t have food on the table regularly. To date, the father-and-daughter team’s videos have generated more than $12,000 for Feeding America, with the help of matching donations from Disney. What a creative and heart-felt way to help Madison – and others – understand and come to terms with some of what the pandemic means.

Process! If all Dan did was sit around and bemoan the situation, waiting for a good result to fall from the sky, he would never have been inspired to come up with his father-and-daughter videos. Not that we all need to become mini-movie-makers, that’s not the point. What would benefit us all, is to stop and think for a moment. What could I think or do or share that would help me – and possibly others – come to terms with the situation which exists, no matter how disliked?

You are more creative than you know, and stronger than you think. You can, given a willingness to do so, come to terms with our present situation with more hope and less angst, until such time as the much-desired result comes to pass.

A Winner's Secret

Do you find yourself stuck sometimes, looking for who or what to blame when something goes wrong? It's certainly tempting! Especially in these turbulent, unpredictable times. In this podcast, find out how to get un-stuck and be the winner in your life!

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The Four-Letter Word That Kills

 

Jennifer Bricker

We all know that just as there are words which uplift and enthrall us, there are words which can hurt and demean us. But did you know that there is one four-letter word that actually kills?!

No, it’s not that four-letter word, it’s the word “can’t.” The word “can’t” kills dreams, hopes, aspirations, opportunities, love – the list goes on. “Can’t” puts a stop, a halt, an immediate end to all effort, to all forward movement. “I can’t do that.” “I can’t go there.” “I can’t attract a mate/make friends.” “I can’t get a job/promotion/raise/better position.” “I can’t act/sing/dance/run/play the guitar.” You fill in the blank. We all have or have had “can’ts” in our lives, always to our detriment.  

What would have happened to Jennifer Bricker if she’d bought into the word “can’t”? At all of 11 years of age, Jennifer placed fourth in power tumbling in the AAU Junior Olympics, and at 22, was a featured performer on “Britney Spears’ Circus Tour.” Before you shake your head and say “What’s the big deal about that,” let me add that Jennifer was born without legs. You read that correctly. No legs. Zip. Nada. Jennifer became an award-winning gymnast using her buttocks, hips and arms. She also played baseball and basketball in high school without the benefit of prosthetics or a wheelchair, and was the first handicapped high school tumbling champion in the entire state of Illinois.

What led to these remarkable feats? Adoptive parents who simply did not allow Jennifer to use the word “can’t.” Ever. Nor did they. Her adoptive parents supported and encouraged Jennifer in whatever she decided to pursue. Her mantra, learned early on, was “I can.”   

Try it. Eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary and watch what happens. You can substitute the word “won’t” or the phrase “don’t want to.” Both “won’t” or “don’t want to” imply that you’ve made a conscious choice about the matter. That it’s a matter of personal preference, not a factual impossibility. Which opens up all sorts of new possibilities. If you say, for example, “I won’t get a job/promotion/raise/better position,” it invariably begs the question “Well, why not?” Which now obliges you to take a closer look at why you think you won’t – whatever it is. Which can more easily lead to reasons why you could get the job/promotion/raise/better position.

Don’t kill your dreams. You deserve better than that. Eliminate the killer word “can’t” from your mind and heart, and watch your life soar with the power of “I can!”