The Four-Letter Word That Kills

 

Jennifer Bricker

We all know that just as there are words which uplift and enthrall us, there are words which can hurt and demean us. But did you know that there is one four-letter word that actually kills?!

No, it’s not that four-letter word, it’s the word “can’t.” The word “can’t” kills dreams, hopes, aspirations, opportunities, love – the list goes on. “Can’t” puts a stop, a halt, an immediate end to all effort, to all forward movement. “I can’t do that.” “I can’t go there.” “I can’t attract a mate/make friends.” “I can’t get a job/promotion/raise/better position.” “I can’t act/sing/dance/run/play the guitar.” You fill in the blank. We all have or have had “can’ts” in our lives, always to our detriment.  

What would have happened to Jennifer Bricker if she’d bought into the word “can’t”? At all of 11 years of age, Jennifer placed fourth in power tumbling in the AAU Junior Olympics, and at 22, was a featured performer on “Britney Spears’ Circus Tour.” Before you shake your head and say “What’s the big deal about that,” let me add that Jennifer was born without legs. You read that correctly. No legs. Zip. Nada. Jennifer became an award-winning gymnast using her buttocks, hips and arms. She also played baseball and basketball in high school without the benefit of prosthetics or a wheelchair, and was the first handicapped high school tumbling champion in the entire state of Illinois.

What led to these remarkable feats? Adoptive parents who simply did not allow Jennifer to use the word “can’t.” Ever. Nor did they. Her adoptive parents supported and encouraged Jennifer in whatever she decided to pursue. Her mantra, learned early on, was “I can.”   

Try it. Eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary and watch what happens. You can substitute the word “won’t” or the phrase “don’t want to.” Both “won’t” or “don’t want to” imply that you’ve made a conscious choice about the matter. That it’s a matter of personal preference, not a factual impossibility. Which opens up all sorts of new possibilities. If you say, for example, “I won’t get a job/promotion/raise/better position,” it invariably begs the question “Well, why not?” Which now obliges you to take a closer look at why you think you won’t – whatever it is. Which can more easily lead to reasons why you could get the job/promotion/raise/better position.

Don’t kill your dreams. You deserve better than that. Eliminate the killer word “can’t” from your mind and heart, and watch your life soar with the power of “I can!”

Sixty and Me: Why Saying “I Can” Can Make You a Winner in Your 60s

A friend and I were watching the Wimbledon finals on TV, clapping and cheering through every match. After the tournament, she leaned in to me and said, “Oh, how I wish I could play tennis. It’s such a great sport.”

“So, find a teacher and take lessons,” I said.

“Oh, I can’t.” Off my questioning look, she said simply, “I’m too old.”

“You’re 70, what’s the big deal?”

“That’s just it. I’m 70. I can’t.” She then took her now-depressed self off to the kitchen for some ice-cream therapy. I wasn’t about to let her leave it at that.

“You’re 70, not dead.”

“But my knees hurt sometimes, and I can’t move as fast as I used to. What’s the point? I’ll probably just end up hurting myself.”

“But what if you didn’t? What if you just had fun? You’ll never know unless you try.”

Age Is Not the Issue

We stop ourselves from attempting things we would love to do, or be or experience, because we believe the misconception that our age forbids it. But there’s very little that our age truly keeps us from doing.

Maybe you won’t be able to reach a professional level – or anywhere near professional level – but who cares? If you want to do it, if it puts a song in your heart, what difference does it make that your knees creak and your wrinkles have wrinkles of their own?

Where would Nell Painter be today, at 76, if she’d told herself, “I can’t” when her dream of being an artist took hold at 64? She certainly wouldn’t be displaying her paintings in galleries – and successfully selling them.

Nell didn’t let her age stop her, even when she enrolled in the Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers University and found herself side by side with students in their late teens.

Plus, she was learning painting from scratch, mind you, because Nell’s career had been as a History Professor at Princeton University, the furthest thing from an artistic endeavor.

Transform Your “I Can’t” into “I Can”

So, how do you get there? How do you transform that pesky “I can’t” into a fruitful “I can” attitude?
For one, appreciate what you have. Be grateful for whatever physicality you possess, be grateful for whatever mental capacity you have, be grateful for the abundant resources that you can put to work for you.

Research shows that managers who appreciate their employees and express gratitude to them, experience a 50% increase in employee performance. You are the manager of yourself. Think about it.

If you express gratitude for, and appreciate whatever faculties you currently have, just like those workers, you’ll likely see a substantial increase in your performance.

What You Think, You Become

Appreciate yourself and chances are good you’ll become more capable. Think of yourself as old and incapable, and guess what? Chances are good you’ll decline, becoming ever more incapable.

My friend found a seniors’ tennis club with a tennis coach who volunteered her time to teach these tennis hopefuls the basics of the game. The coach was mindful of the members’ different physical abilities and functionality and helped them figure out how to work around their various issues.

No, there are no budding Serena Williamses in the bunch, but the members love to play and have fun together, my friend included. She’s now a very vocal advocate of the “I can” attitude.

New Study: Positive Attitude About Aging Linked to Reduced Dementia Risk

Could attitude about aging play a role in whether someone falls victim to dementia? A new 2018 Health & Retirement Study published in the journal PLOS One, draws a link between positive aging beliefs and better cognitive performance even by participants who carried the gene APOE 4, which increases the chances of developing dementia.

The study shows, that no matter what our physical body tells us as we age (aches and pains, saggy skin, wrinkles), it's our brain and attitude that still holds significant power. According to the research, hose with negative beliefs about aging were twice as likely to develop dementia than those with positive beliefs (2.60 percent versus 4.61 percent) regardless of whether they had the APOE 4 gene.

How we view aging—whether positive or negative—often starts well before reach our older years. The negative social stigmas about aging are still strong, but the walls are slowing coming down. We as a society need to do more, but individually, we can also take steps to improve our age outlook.

Push Negative Thoughts Away. The study confirms what other research has found: what you think and feel has an impact on physical wellbeing. Your brain is constantly sending signals to the rest of your body. When you are experiencing positive thoughts and feelings--in particular, appreciation—studies show that the blood flow in your brain increases so it functions better—resulting in better focus, better memory and more energy.

Find Your Next Passion. You may not be able to play a hard match of singles tennis, but there is still life to live. Dial it back a notch—if you enjoy tennis, play doubles instead—or try something completely new. There are countless invigorating physical and mental activities that you can tackle that will give you fulfillment and happiness.

Stay Connected. Humans are social creatures. Get out and find those who share your interests and who are fun to be around.

Appreciate Life. As we get older, we realize how quickly time passes. Don't waste a minute. Appreciate the little things. Be grateful for what you have. You may not have reached all your goals (or hardly any), but that's okay. Appreciate what you have accomplished and set new goals.

We all will face some sort of physical limitations, financial setbacks and emotional turmoil. That's part of life. It's really up to us to determine how we live our later years--with positive determination or with pessimism.

For a copy of the study, click here.

Qualities of Happy, Healthy Centenarians - Well Being Journal

Sixty may not be the new forty, and who knows if seventy is the new fifty, but one thing is for sure: many people are living longer, and more are refusing the sedentary approach to their later years.

What about centenarians? 

Amazingly enough, some centenarians drink alcohol, others don’t; some eat “healthy,” others don’t; some pay attention to their weight, others don’t; some smoke, others don’t; some exercise, others wouldn’t dream of it.

These are not reasons to cut loose with unhealthy foods and tequila shots and declare that being a couch potato is the life for you (because all those behaviors do indeed negatively impact your short- and long-term health). However, what is abundantly clear is that centenarians pursue a variety of lifestyles.

The one thing—the only thing—that centenarians have in common is their positive attitude. They aren’t whiners. They are happy. They are optimistic. Above all, the long-lived appreciate the ordinary moments of everyday life. We could all learn something from them. http://bit.ly/1RGqxOS