Flip Holiday Stress Into Fun for You!

 

It seems the topic uppermost in so many of our minds at this time of year is stress. AKA Holiday stress. Too many gifts to buy, too little money. Too many cards to send out/email, gifts to wrap, people to visit – too little time. Too many relatives and others to be considerate of –

too little patience. Too little of you to go around. You are spread too thin in too many ways, which means the Holidays are anything but. 

Time for a flip. Yup. Time to flip your internal switch from overwhelmed to relaxed. OK, so maybe not all the way to relaxed, but how about to “doable”? To “manageable”? To where you can actually enjoy the Holidays instead of resenting them. Even if you can’t afford a personal shopper/package wrapper/etc. to take over all that has you running ragged.

Flip your switch. Take a moment to sit, breathe, and ask yourself: “What’s right with this picture?” How about the fact that you actually have friends and family to give gifts to? Many do not. You may loathe the office Holiday party, but guess what – you have a job. Many do not. You are positively grinching (pun intended) at having your relatives invade your home for the expected Holiday meal, with all the cooking/cleaning/decorating the event entails, but heck, you have a home. Many do not.

Secondly, ask yourself: “What’s right with me?” Ah yes. Because at the moment you are probably feeling inept, incompetent, and woefully insecure. None of which are who you truly are. If you’ve made it this far in life, you’ve had plenty of moments where you’ve been competent and on top of things. You can do this. All it takes is reminding yourself of your various successes, small and large. Taking another deep breath. Getting creative with whatever your Holiday duties are. Deliberately making the Holidays fun for YOU!

Gifts don’t have to cost lots of money. It truly is the thought that counts. You don’t have to stay for hours on end at the office party. You can spend a gracious half-hour or so there with a smile on your face and take a quiet unobtrusive departure. Holiday meals are as simple or as complicated as you choose to make them. Heck, what about a potluck adventure for a change?

Flip the switch. Refuse to let Holiday stress get the best of you, and instead, find the best FOR you in this Holiday Season.

 

A Matter of Focus, Episode 54

It is said that whatever you focus on, grows. Great. Except when you find yourself focusing on yucky hurtful things, which just seem to magnify the misery in your life. How can you use the enormous power of focus, or concentrated energy, to work for you, rather than against you?

What tools can you use to keep from dumping into either a miserable victim or angry ranter? In this podcast, you’ll learn an easy three-step process to use focus for your success and happiness!

Check out this latest episode!

The Magic of The 5:1 Ratio

 

I’m sitting on the floor in my office, cell in hand, eye-balling the Internet router refusing to connect to the Internet, while the Frontier tech troubleshoots the problem. Which occurred because our neighborhood had a power outage, now resolved. Why one has to endure the misery of Internet disconnection on top of a power outage, I have no idea, but such is the reality of our interconnected world . . .

I’m not happy. Duh. I have a full workload and no time to deal with all this. As I sit there, fussing and fuming, I remember the magic 5:1 ratio. Namely, everything works better when you balance your one negative thought with five positive thoughts*. Deep breath. I release the pity party, and off I go. I can actually speak with a live tech, yay! I still have cell service, yay! I can call my next appointment for directions, yay! The power is on, yay! I have plenty of work I can do offline, yuck – sorry, yay!

Then I remember, “Thanksgiving.” Right! The season of gratitude. What better time to implement the 5:1 ratio with more than my current Internet woes? Like to notice everything I love about my home, about my puppies, about my work, about my clients, about my friends, my Church, my neighborhood? And on and on. Do I have complaints about all sorts of things? Yes, don’t we all. But somehow, as I find at least five things to appreciate about everything in my life, from the mundane (easy bathroom cleaning) to the sublime (my relationship to Spirit), those complaints are irrelevant. Just bits to clean up, handle, resolve, but nothing to waste my precious life energy on.

Thanksgiving! What a wonderful, inspiring time of year. May yours be filled with joy and multitudinous reasons for – gratitude!

*For the origin of the ratio, see Dr. Gottman’s work

Approval v. Love, Episode 53

Why is it you can never seem to find the love you seek? That special relationship that would fill you with such joy. What’s wrong with you? Nothing! What’s wrong is how you’re going about seeking love, namely confusing someone’s approval of you with loving you. In this podcast, you’ll discover the profound difference between approval with love and some ways to get to that love you so ardently desire.

Check out this latest episode!

Whose Life Is It Anyway?, Episode 52

Do you ever feel like your life isn’t in your control? Like you’re living what everyone else wants you to and you’re not happy, and you don’t know what to do about it? What a painful unfortunate way to spend your days! Well, you don’t need to put up with it anymore. In this podcast, you’ll discover ways to live the life you want to live, without having to run off to a desert island or turn into a hermit . . .

Check out this latest episode!

The Power of Mental Rehearsal, Episode 51

Olympic athletes use it, successful performers use it – guess what? You can use it too! When you have to have that conversation you dread, make that presentation for the first time, face that person you’re in awe or fear of, you too can use mental rehearsal to position yourself in the best possible place for success. In this podcast, you’ll learn the mental rehearsal techniques that will help you turn any challenge to your advantage. Indeed!

Check out this latest episode!

You’re Wrong!

 

Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. We all believe, in our hearts of hearts, that we are right, no matter how logically misguided we may be. So why do we so often voice an objection to something our partner, friend or co-worker says with an immediate: “You’re wrong!” Often followed up by, “So wrong.” And then wonder why they turn away in disgust or dismay, or launch into defensive mode that quickly degenerates into an argument.

But what if, rather than assume they are wrong, because they said something you disagree with or just don’t like, what if you took a pause, a beat, and considered what might be right about what they just said? An appalling thought, yes I know, but one that can lead to constructive communication rather than destructive name-calling and whatever else.

For example, to say, in a neutral, non-defensive, non-sarcastic tone: “Huh. You make a good point there. I hadn’t thought about it that way. Tell me more.” “Tell me more” has to be one of the most powerful anti-argument devices ever. You’re not fighting. You’re seeking clarification. Understanding. And if we all resent being told we are wrong, we all appreciate those who seek to understand us.

To be able to summon up the courage to say “good point” and follow it up with “tell me more,” is truly drawing on your inner hero/heroine. Because it takes guts, real guts, to be willing to listen to a point of view other than your own. Not that you have to adopt that view, but when you invite clarification and genuinely seek understanding, chances are good that you will find some basis for agreement, or at the very least, cooperation.

Which is a lot more productive, and in the end, more fun, than a blatant “You’re wrong!”