You Got This!

 

My morning was supposed to be devoted to writing a report for one of the trial attorneys I consult for. The work takes concentration and focus, as my conclusions influence how the case is developed. It’s important, it matters, I need to do it well. But “life” was having none of it . . .

The dogs barked at everything – leaves falling, squirrels romping, the neighbor’s construction project. My cell dinged repeatedly with texts that needed responses, emails marked “urgent” landed non-stop in my inbox, and I couldn’t locate a document I was sure I’d saved.

Might as well give up on the day. Clearly, nothing good was going to happen.

Then about 10 minutes into my self-indulgent pity party, I realized, “Wait a minute. I had a sucky morning. OK. It happens. There’s no need to let it ruin the rest of my day.” Whereupon I parked the dogs in the side yard where I wouldn’t hear their barking as loudly, turned off my text notifications, figured no one was going to die if I didn’t answer emails immediately (I’m not a heart surgeon!), took a deep breath, re-focused and dived back into my report-writing.

We do that, you know. I do that. We don’t work out one day, or one week, and figure we’re losers, will never get in shape, game over. We eat that doughnut, that pasta, that pizza one day and figure the diet is history. We assume that a miserable morning means a miserable day or even a miserable life. We really are our own worst enemies.

So next time you find yourself slamming the door shut on your day, your diet, your exercise plan, your whatever, because some one (or two or three) things went wrong, stop. Take a deep breath – or several, as many as needed – and give yourself a reality check. The only way that one (or two or three) things that went wrong can ruin the rest of your day, diet, exercise plan, or even life, is if you let it/them. Don’t. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better than that.

Re-focus. Re-coup. And boogie forward. You got this! 

The Problem Isn’t The Problem

 

The problem isn’t the problem. You read that correctly. Really. The problem isn’t the problem: the problem is when we forget to focus on the solution.

 

Take Ben Lovell, for example, a 42-year-old Englishman whose right leg was amputated due to a life-threatening blood clot in 2017. He went through it all: suicidal thoughts, depression, PTSD, the works. And then Ben figured out it wasn’t serving him to focus on the problem, namely lack of leg and his inability to walk for more than 20 minutes at a time.

 

So Ben started working on the solution. For him, it was two-fold. First, Ben created AmpCamp, a fitness boot camp for fellow amputees, which given that prior to his amputation, Ben’s fitness consisted mainly of getting off the couch to stroll down to his local pub, was already a feat. Secondly, Ben decided to climb England’s three highest peaks – he who had never climbed a mountain in his life – and did so this year in 27 hours. Again, despite the inability to walk more than 20 minutes at a go.

 

In other words, Ben stopped obsessing on the problem, lack of leg and all it entailed, and turned his mind, heart and body 180 degrees in the opposite direction. Which brought him success, purpose, and fulfillment. Not bad!

 

Now you don’t need to lose a limb or have anything else as drastic to occur in your life to re-focus from whatever your problem is to tracking down a solution. It doesn’t matter whether the problem is as minor as traffic or a bad hair day, or as major as an ailing child or loss of a job. Whatever the problem is, it won’t disappear or be resolved by staring at it.

 

Your best bet, in all situations, is to follow Ben’s most excellent example. Resolutely turn yourself from groaning about the problem to figuring out a solution. Or several.

 

You can do this. Yes, you can.

 

Who Has More Fun, Us or Dogs?

We have a new neighbor on our hill. I met him the other day when I was taking my beloved old puppy - whose arthritis prevents him from getting a walk - out for his drive. My neighbor was walking his three pups down the hill, so of course as mutual dog lovers, we had to stop and have a conversation. One of my neighbor’s dogs only sported two legs; he had a wheeled contraption that took the place of his back legs. Another of his dogs rolled around gleefully in a doggy-perfected wheelchair with his three legs, and the last of his cuties had the more common four legs, of which three are of the regular kind, and a bionic titanium hind leg! Despite their differences, all three dogs were obviously happy, healthy, enthusiastic critters.

And my sweet 14 year old Ringo, despite his creaky hindquarters and sagging back, enjoys his car-rides enormously, muzzle straight into the wind like any self-respecting dog.

What a wonder our animal-friends are! They don’t complain about much of anything. Certainly, if an animal is mistreated or abused, they suffer, but under normal conditions, our furry-friends accept their condition and enjoy life as it is. Right then, right there. Even the small lizard that I’ve come to recognize because he has half his tail missing, plunks himself on my deck to enjoy the sun, tail or no tail.

What is it with us humans that we complain about the least little ache and pain? It doesn’t make the pain go away, actually, dwelling on pain usually makes it worse. Yet here we are, moaning and groaning while three legged dogs hop around happy.

I am reminded of six dogs that were rescued recently in North Carolina. Trapped in their cage, about to drown in the still-rising flood-waters, the dogs were set free by rescuers. The pups ran out of their cage through the water to dry land, wolfed down the food given them by their good Samaritans, and wagged their tails: “Now what?”

Unlike us, the dogs did not revisit their recent trauma, complain about their days without food, no doubt scared and cold, they simply – once rescued – resumed their doggy lives. Now granted, sometimes revisiting the past is helpful, even necessary, for us. Process the experience, sure. Look for a solution or resolution, absolutely. But what we don’t need to do is complain about it.

So I’ve decided to give myself a most unusual present this Holiday Season. I’m going to quit complaining. At least as often as I can catch myself doing it (there’s a challenge for you!). And I invite you to join me, if you like, in ditching the complaining.

After all, who seems to be having more fun, us or the dogs?!

Thanksgiving 2.0: Be Grateful For Everything That Goes Right!

How often do you stop to catch yourself in the act of doing something right? Or anybody else for that matter . . .

As opposed to dinging yourself for every single mistake you make, every flaw you find on your face, in your character, your clothes, your finances, your relationship, your friends--need I go on? We’ve got catching ourselves (and/or our friends, employers, loved ones, strangers, celebrities and whoever else) doing it wrong down to a fine art, practiced umpteen times a day with zeal and gusto.

But here’s the thing: negativity ruins relationships. Whether it’s in your relationship with yourself or with others, it takes five positive comments to counter a single negative one. That’s how much we take to heart negativity, usually in the form of criticism that points out how stupid/boring/lazy or fashion-challenged we are.

Well, the Denver police department decided to go against our damaging “doing it wrong” habit, and take “catching them in the act of doing it right” to the streets. Literally. As part of a program to promote pedestrian and driver safety, police officers have been handing out cards saying, “You got caught doing something right” to persons they observe doing something good: like using a crosswalk or lending a hand to a stranger.

Even better--these cards are actually gift cards worth $10 at the local Papa John’s Pizza! Before you up and move to Denver, benefit from the Denver PD’s great idea right where you are, by doing the same for yourself and others.

This Thanksgiving, catch people--including yourself--in the act of doing something right! It’s one of the best ways I know of to demonstrate gratitude for this amazing life we are privileged to experience. Every hour, on the hour, stop and look around you. Look inside you. Find five things that are going right in your life right then.

My five, right now this minute? Baer (my 2 year old Shepherd-mix rescue pup) is lying quietly by my feet, happily asleep. The refrigerator is humming, as in working properly. The sun’s peeking out from behind the clouds. My laptop lets me endlessly revise, edit, delete, add. I’m smiling (I can’t help it, between the dog and the laptop, it’s automatic).

Not complicated. Nothing dramatic. It’s just paying attention to the nice things that happen in our day, and/or with ourselves. Do this every hour and by the end of your day, you’ll be flying high! Guaranteed.

If you’re where there are people around when you’re doing this, express your gratitude for whatever it is they are doing right directly to them, whether it’s with words, a smile, or just a look that says: “Wow, what you’re doing is terrific.”

And guess what? What you’ll be doing is pretty terrific.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Latest Huffington Post column: 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/noelle-nelson/to-win-at-life-be-solutio_b_8474652.html