Let Your Best Self Carry the Relationship Day, Episode 104, Season 4

Why is it you can be kind, compassionate, patient, forgiving with everyone as you go about your work day, yet when it comes to dealing with your family, wham! All that flies out the window, and instead of being your best self, you are your worst self. On the offense, nowhere near kind or forgiving. Find out, in this podcast, how to stay in your best self even (especially) with your nears-and-dears, so that you can have the satisfying relationships you so deserve.

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Score with Your Boss, Be On Time, Episode 103, Season 4

Really? Is that all it takes? Being on time? Heck, yes! Why? How? Well, that’s what you will explore in this podcast: the hows, wheres and whys of the serious career and job advantages of simply – being on time.

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Life Is Meant For Joy!

 

Really? With bills to pay, rent to cover, kids to corral, too much to do in too little time, especially with the Holidays upon us and all the extra stuff that needs tending, doing, paying for? Joy? Give it a rest.

Well, I would, except joy is our basic nature. It’s what everything else we do is aiming for. Yes, money is nice, but why? For the joy it brings us in the form of comfort and/or giving to others. Success is grand, but why? For the joy of accomplishment, of expressing ourselves to the fullest of our being-ness. Raising a family is for many, an ardent wish, but why? For the joy of it.

But too often, in the hectic pace of our lives, we forget about all this. We focus on all that is going wrong, or could go wrong, or might if we’re not incredibly careful, go wrong. And so, we miss out on the very essence of life - which babies and dogs know all about, BTW. Joy!

This special time of year is meant to be one of gratitude, kindness, compassion, and yes, joy. So why not give yourself the gift of joy? It’s easy and doesn’t cost a dime. All it takes is a willingness to focus a little more on what’s going right in your life. Or could go right. Or might, just might, go right.

Like the fact that the sun came up, pretty much right on cue. That the earth is still turning in its orbit. Dang! You’re still breathing. And then there are the circumstances of your life that are personal to you. For me, it’s that despite a tweaked knee, I’m still dancing. My dogs are wonderful, even when they trek their muddy paws all over my newly washed floors. I have friends who are happy to see me, and I them. Joy!

As you go through your days, this Holiday Season, allow yourself to notice your “going rights” wherever they may be, big or small. Because every time you appreciate what’s going right in your life, you add to your overall happiness, and isn’t that what it’s all about, anyway?

Joy!

 

Win the Battle, Lose the Love! Episode 102, Season 4

Why can’t your partner seem to get with the agreements you made about the budget or other things? You’re right, you know you’re right, you keep your side of agreements, but here’s the thing. Your partner’s all upset with you! Perfect, wonderful you. This means you may have won that battle, but you’re on the way to losing your love. Discover in this podcast how to resolve your relationship issues in a way that handles what needs to be handled without sacrificing your love in the process.

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Let Go or Get Dragged! Episode 101, Season 4

Are you ever frustrated over how little things irritate you, that you just can’t seem to get over? You do great with major crises, but dealing with your mother-in-law or snarky co-worker is beyond you. In this podcast, find out what’s truly in the way of letting go of life’s annoyances, so you don’t get dragged into misery on a daily basis!

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Ho-Ho-Ho, the Joy of Saying “No”

 

Ah, the upcoming Holiday Season--starting with Thanksgiving and ramping up through Christmas, with no let-up until the beginning of the year. For those who are already tired from a year’s worth of work, kids, parents, chores, and everything else, the Holiday Season, despite the many joys it may bring, can feel simply exhausting. Overwhelming. Cringe-worthy.

But what’s a body to do? Pull the covers over your head and hide in bed for the next two months? Probably not a good idea, given your family obligations, relatives coming to visit, expectations at work, and so on.

There is another way. Two, actually.

1. Just Say “No.”

You’re appalled. How dare I suggest such a thing when people are counting on you? Who’s going to bake all those cookies for the school holiday party? And the Thanksgiving turkey? You don’t trust your partner to do it properly, look at how they overcooked the last one. Plus, you’ll no doubt be asked to join the holiday choir (like last year), organize the holiday potluck at work, and probably play Secret Santa as well.

Saying “No” is all about how you say it. When you say, “No, thank you, but I appreciate your asking,” it’s hard for the asker to get upset with you. They may not like the answer, but you were so polite and straightforward that they realized they could do nothing about it. Then be ready with an easy, equally straightforward reason (if requested) for your “No,” such as “I need to focus on other priorities for now.” Most people will be reluctant to press further, but if they do, a vague “family matters” or such will suffice.

2. Delegate. How? To Whom?

One of the easiest ways to delegate over the holidays is to enroll the help of your local grocery store. I kid you not. Pre-cooked turkeys, already-baked cookies, and all sorts of other holiday goodies are readily available. You just need to get over your “I have to do it all myself” or your belief that only you can cook a turkey/bake cookies properly.

For other matters, delegate by asking for help. Yes, it’s OK not to be perfect, not to be Wonder-Human, and to need assistance. If you ask with “please” and “thank you” in your request, you’d be surprised at how nicely people will generally respond. Will the person do whatever you’ve asked exactly as you would? Probably not. Will it still be good enough? Probably yes.

Give yourself a break this Holiday Season. Saying “no” and delegating will go a long way toward easing your end-of-year exhaustion.

Don’t Drag Your Old Relationship Into the New, Episode 100, Season 4

Yes, it is totally annoying when your new love does something that reminds you horrifically of your ex. The one you never want to think about ever ever again. But you don’t want to leave your new love, so what to do? In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to an easy technique that will let your new love flourish in the way you so want and deserve! 

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Is It Your Mood or Your Attitude? Episode 99, Season 4

You may think that mood and attitude are one and the same. Not so. Mood is condition-based, but attitude is chosen. This means that you can lift yourself out of a nasty mood, once you know how to do it. In this podcast, you’ll explore some ways to deal with your mood so you can lift out of grumpiness or frustration into an attitude that assuredly will lead to greater happiness quickly!

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The mind-body connection is real. It’s not just a cute phrase, the brain actually releases certain hormones and other chemicals in direct response to our thoughts: endorphins, for example, when we’re happy, cortisol when we’re stressed. These hormones and chemicals impact how we function, how we thrive – or don’t. This is why what we tell ourselves about ourselves is so very important.

This, in turn, is why I was so impressed by what I read recently about Seun Adebiyi, who was diagnosed with lymphoma and leukemia while he was training for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Instead of saying “I have cancer” a potentially depressing and frightening thought, he said, “Doctors and nurses looked at me like I was crazy, but I never accepted their perspective that I was a ‘cancer patient.’ In my mind, I was an Olympic hopeful who just happened to be overcoming cancer.” He did and went on to carry the Olympic torch for Nigeria in the 2018 Winter Olympic Games, cancer-free.

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself! The words you speak have impact. Saying to yourself when you make a mistake, things like “I’m so stupid,” or “I always mess up” are damaging to the whole of you – mind, body, spirit. Not that we need to whitewash everything, “Oh, I’m so perfect,” but rather choose the words you speak to reflect reality, not to slap labels on your entire being.

“I made a mistake, ok. What can I learn from this?” is a positive and hopeful message to yourself. “I’m such an idiot,” is not. “My partner left me, I’m unloveable” labels you with a negative and damaging self-assessment. “My partner left me. I am hurting and need to heal,” simply reflects reality. Not a beat-yourself-over-the-head condemnation.

Words are powerful. Choose yours wisely to the great benefit of a wonderful YOU!

 

The Power of “Wei Chi” Episode 98, Season 4

How you think about something makes all the difference as to how you deal with it. When you realize that crisis is actually made up of both, danger and opportunity, as summarized by the Chinese character “wei chi,” you can handle the crises that inevitably crop up in every life more effectively. That is exactly what you can discover in this podcast. You’ll not only think about a crisis differently but discover a way so it doesn’t just beat you down.

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Want More Job Kudos? Supercharge Your Work! Episode 97, Season 4

What if there was a way to achieve more success at work? Whether your work is as an employee or as your own boss? Without sacrificing your every waking moment to “the job”? In this podcast, find out how to supercharge your work by looking at what is your value to your work now and how you can harness that value for your increased success.

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Be A Champion in Your Own Life

 

The Paris Olympics were superb. The opportunity to watch the very best of the best athletes at the top of their game was phenomenal. Yet as I was enjoying yet another spectacular gymnastic move or shot-put, I realized how much we can all learn from these amazing individuals. No, not how to be a gymnast or shot-putter necessarily, but how to be a Champion in our own lives. How to approach our lives with the qualities that make a Champion.

What are those qualities?

First a passion for whatever activity or experience you pursue. It’s that passion that lights the fire within us, that makes us willing to do the tasks and take the steps, that will lead to the fulfillment of the activity/experience. It doesn’t matter if it’s washing the dishes or climbing Mt. Whitney, if you approach the endeavor with enthusiasm, then you’ll be willing to apply yourself to the washing or climbing successfully.

Second, persistence. Being willing to do the daily do, the seemingly boring repetitive actions that accomplishing anything worthwhile takes. Because when fueled by passion, those same actions are no longer boring, although they may still be repetitious. No way did any of the Olympians we admired achieve their magic overnight or on the first (or second or hundredth) try.  What they have, which so many of us lack, is dogged persistence.

The third quality is what I call “failure-blindness.” It’s the Champion’s inability to conceive of failure as such. Instead, as Billie Jean King, that indomitable tennis Champion, put it: “We don’t call it failure, we call it feedback.” Perceiving your less-than-stellar attempts or results as feedback for how to do whatever better next time is a sure way to success. Thinking of your goofs and flops, your mistakes and losses as “failures” is a sure way to well–fail.

Passion, persistence, and failure-blindness. Worthy qualities to practice regularly until they become second nature. A sure road to greater happiness and success, no matter what it is your heart desires.

Taking versus Receiving, Episode 96, Season 4

You might think you’re more powerful if you can simply take what you want, but in truth, that’s the road to long-term unhappiness. People resent being taken from, yet they will offer that same exact thing you want, freely, when you practice the fine art of receiving. Which is what this podcast is for: to help you discover two easy ways to receive what you want so you don’t have to pry it from unwilling hands.

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Developing Trust, Episode 95, Season 4

How do you know who to trust? With your true inner self, with your hopes and dreams. Those things that are precious to you, that you don’t want someone stomping all over. In this podcast, you’ll explore two easy techniques to develop trust so you can have the rich and rewarding relationships you deserve!

 

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Be Here, Now!

 

You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “Be here, now.” It’s a way to remind ourselves that life is lived in the present moment, and it’s well worth enjoying whatever we can in the present. But “Be here, now” is also a wonderful way to soothe ourselves when confronted by something anxiety-provoking or that upsets us. It’s not necessarily a solution or a cure-all, but it is a way to ground ourselves.

For example, I’m driving along a California freeway during rush hour. No one is going anywhere very fast, even though we’re in the “fast lane.” We’re sort of all muddling along at a respectable 50 mph. Suddenly a car some 10 car lengths ahead comes to an abrupt stop, which makes everyone behind that car stop abruptly, the domino effect, which is fine, except the car directly in front of me couldn’t stop quite fast enough, so they did exactly what the driver’s ed manual says to do, and veered into the left shoulder so as not to hit the car in front of them, and managed not to hit the concrete divider either.

Seeing this, my heart rate zoomed as I jammed on my brakes, praying that those behind me would as well, and fortunately, within minutes, everything settled down and cars started going again. Slowly. Very slowly. Meanwhile, to stop the frantic beating of my heart and incipient panic attack, I started in on my grounding mantra: “safe, warm and dry.” As in I’m safe, right here, right now. Right here, right now, I’m in my car, undamaged, unhurt, able to continue driving to my destination. I’m safe. In this moment, right here, right now, I’m OK. I take a couple of deep breaths to further calm myself, and off I go.

You may wonder about the “warm and dry.” In the aftermath of the wildfire that destroyed my home, not knowing where, what, how, when, or whatever else was going to happen, I repeated endlessly to myself “I’m safe, warm and dry.” That was the “here, now” that mattered. That I and my dogs were safe, warm and dry. Everything else was literally up for grabs.

No, grounding yourself isn’t intended to solve whatever situation has you scared or upset, but it will help your mind stop barreling down the rabbit hole of imminent disaster long enough to take realistic stock of whatever’s going on. To be more present to what’s required given the situation. In the “sudden stop” example, to resume driving with a sufficient degree of calm so that I could be a decent driver.

There’s power in the present, in the “here, now.” Don’t take it for granted, use it, appreciate it and enjoy its many benefits.

 

How to Be Supportive, Episode 94, Season 4

How powerful are the words we use, the things you say, or others say to you? Are your words helpful or hurtful?  Do what others say to you make you feel self-confident or fill you with doubt? What if in this podcast, you discovered not only are your words powerful, but that there’s a way to make sure you are being supportive rather than unnecessarily critical? Indeed!

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Getting Unstuck, Episode 93, Season 4

What if there was a way to make change happen more easily in your life? What if you could, just by altering what you use as your reference points for the change you want, get things to happen more successfully for you? In this podcast, find out how to make change something you actually can look forward to, and how you can harness it to be happier in your life!

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Be Your Own BFF

It doesn’t matter whether I’m having trouble learning a new dance step, stumped on a piece of writing that has an all-too-soon deadline or forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning, whatever, my immediate go-to is to diss myself. How could I be so stupid, inept, or unconscious that I find myself in this disheartening situation?!

Then I mentally flagellate myself for a while, before I finally remember to ask “Why am I martyring myself over this? What purpose?” Zip. None. Nada. My self-imposed suffering doesn’t solve the problem, make the discomfort go away, or achieve any other useful objective. If anything, all that mental anguish makes it harder to come up with solution-oriented thoughts, in addition to being a completely unnecessary waste of time.

Would I ever, in a million years, subject a friend to the mental battering I just inflicted on myself? No. Unequivocally, absolutely not. So why am I doing it to myself?

Simple! I’ve forgotten how important it is to be my own BFF. To remind myself that people make mistakes, and it’s OK. Most problems have a solution if one is willing to go down the solution path rather than continue to chase the problem down an unfathomable rabbit hole. Nobody’s perfect, certainly not me, and, mercifully, perfection isn’t required for a good and fulfilling life.

Of course, it’s wonderful when all goes according to plan, when things turn out just as you’d hoped they would, but it’s also important to always have a Plan B.  I’ve decided that my Plan B is to talk to myself the way my BFF would. She, marvelous being that she is, would cut me some slack. She’d point out to me how often things eventually turn out all right, and how most of the time, I sort out whatever it is without too much trouble. And how I have resources, inner and outer, to help me deal with whatever the issue is.

Be your own BFF. Lift yourself out of your “woe is me” by remembering how very capable you are, how supported you are, we all are, by those who inhabit our world, our “village.” You’ve wasted enough time martyring yourself. Remind yourself how often you’ve done well, and then get going on that solution hunt right away.

Yes, now. Right now. You got this!

A Matter of Strategy, Episode 92, Season 4

Ever wished life were simpler? That whatever you wanted in the realm of improved or better relationships could just happen with a snap of your fingers, as if by magic? Sigh. Unfortunately, wishing doesn’t make it so, but in this podcast, you’ll be introduced to an approach that, when properly implemented, can indeed feel “like magic.”

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Short Term Gain vs Long Term Pain, Episode 91, Season 4

In our perpetual pursuit of “do it, have it, get it now,” we often forget to look at the long- term consequences of our instant decisions.  In this podcast, you’ll explore how to make choices so you get what you want, but in a way that doesn’t ruin your life. 

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Life Is Meant for Joy!

 

A woman is running on the treadmill next to me at the gym, moaning and complaining the whole time. How miserable she is at having to work out, how hard it is to get herself to the gym knowing she’s in for an hour of pain. How she’d rather do pretty much anything other than deal with exercise machines and lifting weights and making herself “do just one more.”

Tired of hearing her litany of woes, I turned to her as I got off my treadmill and said “So don’t.” “Don’t what?” “Don’t work out if you hate it so much.” “Yeah, right. How am I supposed to stay fit and energized if I don’t work out?” “Try another approach.”

She looked at me as if I’d totally lost it. “Whatever.” “No, really. You could take up pickleball or running or tennis or Zumba or any form of dance. There are umpteen ways of staying fit. You don’t need to make yourself miserable.” “Fine, whatever,” she replied, obviously not having any of it.

And I thought, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we stick with something that makes us miserable? Life is meant for joy! Not misery. Yes, of course, there are circumstances and events in our lives that cause us pain and unhappiness. But much of the time, we are the architects of our own lack of joy. We put up with jobs we don’t like, relationships that aren’t a fit for us, follow the trend of the day even when it doesn’t feel good, and on and on.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to stay with whatever choice we made that no longer brings us satisfaction. We can forge a different path, explore something else and take the risk of leaving the familiar. Because that’s where we get stuck. On the familiar. On the tried and true, whatever that means for us. We’d rather stick with what we know, even if we don’t like it.

Rebel! Refuse to be unhappy. Take one small step in the direction of something that might, just might, bring you more satisfaction. Try it. Take another small step. If you don’t like it, no worries, go try something else. With a small step. Then another and another. It may take a while, but surely a life of discovery and adventure is more pleasing than decades of complaining. Just sayin’.

Life is meant for joy. As much as you possibly can, enjoy it!

The Power of Setting Limits, Episode 90, Season 4

Why, when you just want to chill but your partner is demanding, do you just cave into them, shelving your needs, and ending up resentful? In this podcast, discover a way to satisfy your partner’s needs without sacrificing your own. Wouldn’t that be nice!

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Put An End to Self-Blame! Episode 89, Season 4

Ever notice how when you’ve made a mistake or failed at something, your immediate reaction is to see yourself as dumb, stupid or a complete loser? In this podcast, find out how you can quit hurting yourself with self-blame and deal constructively with the mistakes and failures we all fall into!

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Quit Inflicting “BUT” on Yourself!

 

While I was waiting for my dance class to start, I watched an instructor patiently coach a couple through what was obviously one of their first lessons. The instructor was having them do a “box step,” which is what it sounds like. A “box” made with your feet. It consists of two parts, a forward half box and a backward half box. Each half box has three steps: a step forward or backward, a step to the side, and a step to close the feet together. The instructor was counting out the steps slowly. Very slowly.

The woman was getting the hang of it pretty well, but the guy was not. Oh, the steps weren’t throwing him, it was the timing of the steps. “I’m sorry, Honey,” he said to his partner, “but I can’t dance. You know I can’t. There’s just no way.” The instructor looked at him and said, “But you can walk, right?” “Well, yeah,” he replied. “So, let’s just walk. Hold your partner, like you were, in front of you. You walk forward, she’ll walk backward,” the instructor explained. The instructor checked in with the woman, who replied: “Yeah, I’m fine with that.”

And off they went, the instructor counting off the steps, giving the walk a rhythm. I could take bets that by the end of their lesson, the man would know how to do a box step, the first on his journey to being able to – you guessed it – dance!

Here’s why. The instructor, the wise person that she is, used the word ‘but’ as a positive, as in “But you can walk,” instead of the man’s negative “But I can’t dance,” which is what we dismally do to ourselves so often. We “but” ourselves out of so many things we’d love to be or have or do. “But I could never afford that car/dress/travel,” as opposed to “But I could start saving and who knows? It might add up faster than I think.” Or, to your long-held dream of writing songs: “But I can’t play an instrument, I haven’t an ear for music,” instead of “But what if I found a musician who could work with me? After all, Beethoven composed some of his most famous works when he was completely deaf!”

For every negative “but,” a positive “but” can be found. You just must be willing to look for it. Babies and toddlers know this very well. The negative “but” has no meaning for them. All they know is “I want, therefore I go/grab.” Engage your inner toddler and go valiantly forth into whatever it is you fiercely desire, no “buts” about it!

Redefining Failure, Episode 88, season 4

What do you do when your life is OK, but you’d really love to have some piece of it be “WOW”? Like climbing a mountain or recording a song or contributing to world peace. But you figure there’s no way you could do any of that, you’d fail at such lofty dreams, so you go back to your OK life, which is, well, OK. How depressing! In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to a simple shift of perspective that can transform your fear of failure into an unexpected path to those lofty dreams of yours. Indeed!

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Ready, Aim, Fire!, Episode 87, Season 4

You’re ready to stand up for yourself, hurrah! But you can’t figure out quite how to do so effectively: you’re either too shy or too bold in your approach. It’s not working. No worries! In this podcast, you’ll explore an easy three-step process that can lead to you being heard in a constructive, problem-solving way, which will facilitate your getting what you want. Yes!

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Destress With a Green Break

 

Spring! Such a glorious time of year. Trees sprouting white and pink blossoms, tender new green leaves on bushes and plants, more sunlight, less gray. How delightful! If only one had time to get out there and enjoy it more. You know, as in away from your hunched-over-the-computer mode, using your legs to walk briskly, your nose to breathe clean air.

Sigh. Not likely. And yet, just a little dose of nature has surprising benefits. We’ve known for quite a while that nature rejuvenates, but recent research has taken our understanding much further. Not only does time spent in nature reduce stress and anxiety, but it also benefits cognitive functioning. Namely, the workings of our minds, especially in terms of gaining knowledge and understanding,  perception, memory, ability to reason, judgment, imagination and problem-solving. All that from spending just a little time around trees and plants.

Well, how nice you think—especially if you actually have spare time and ready access to a park or forest or woods or whatever.

But here’s the thing. The research shows that even when the subjects simply looked at an image of greenery on a roof for 40 seconds (yes, you read that correctly, 40 seconds) they did better on a test than when they looked for the same time at a concrete roof.

Looking at an image of greenery on a roof might not be your idea of a nature break, but what about that indoor house plant on your desk? Or in your living room? What if you spent a few moments really looking at that plant, appreciating the unfurling of its new leaves, the greenness of its green, how very vibrant it is, just living its plant life? Or maybe step outside for a minute to enjoy the spring air and colors? Could this attention to something of nature enhance your mood and thinking?

Science says yes. It’s worth giving it a go. I’ve found it to be, at the very least, an easy stress reducer with zero downside. As an added benefit, the little time you take to green yourself into less stress means that you’ll be more invigorated for your next task.

Hmm. Maybe getting back to that computer won’t be so painful after all.

The Power Of Words, Episode 86, Season 4

The words you hear from loved ones, friends, bosses and co-workers are powerful, you rely on them. But here’s the thing: are they trustworthy? How do you know if their words are to be believed or not? In this podcast, you can discover how to sort out the words you can trust, and those you’d best ignore – without becoming paranoid in the process!

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Fairy Tales Do Come True, Episode 85, Season 4

How do you go from knowing what you don’t want in your life to knowing what you do want? You’ve been so conditioned by other people’s definitions of what you should want, you’re stuck in the land of ‘nowhere.’ But what if there were an easy way to get yourself going where you want? In this podcast, find out how to get out of ‘nowhere,’ to the wonderful land of ‘somewhere’ and live the life of your desires!

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UNTWIST YOUR KNICKERS!

 

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist” is one of my favorite sayings. To myself, sigh. Because frankly, I find myself too often getting my proverbial “knickers” all twisted up over something that’s just not that big a deal. My passionate hobby is dance. Ballroom, to be specific. The other day, I dropped down too quickly into a dance curtsey, whereupon my right knee went “Whoa! Don’t like this!!” As in “Ouch, owie, don’t do it again.” So of course, I didn’t.

But then, here comes the knicker-twisting: “That’s it, I won’t be able to perform this dance ever, I’m a dance failure, my knee is ruined,” and on and on. Completely ignoring the fact that if you’re a dancer, I don’t care how young/old you are, pain is part of the journey (oh joy). Completely ignoring that my body is amazingly resilient, that I have resources and help with which to heal, and that a little rest-ice-compression therapy goes a long way. 

Eventually, I calmed down, untwisted my by now well-knotted-up mental “knickers” and put my mind and body in recovery mode. A couple of days later, my knee was doing just fine.

Yours may not be a dance journey, or a particularly physically focused one, but we all have those moments where we make more of something not-that-catastrophic and/or easily remedied. So yes, Sam/Samantha got that promotion at work that you wanted. Yes, it’s disappointing. Yes, you’re upset. No, it’s not the end of the world. You can have a go at another promotion. The more quickly you untwist your “Why them?! Why not me?” knickers, the more quickly you can get yourself on a path to that promotion.

Yes, you are sneezing, coughing and you feel yucky all over. You’re miserable. What if it’s COVID? What if you can’t go to work for 2 weeks? What if it’s worse? Who knows what’s going around these days? There go your knickers, twisty-twisty. Settle yourself down! Get yourself tested, go to urgent care if that feels like a good idea, call your physician, but for heaven’s sake, let go of your mental torment immediately. Mental anguish will only exacerbate whatever is going on with you. Mental calm is what allows the natural innate healing process of your body to take hold. Mental calm is how you can make rational decisions like calling your physician, for example.

No matter what the issue is, your distress and upset only make it worse. Untwist your knickers! You’ll feel better and do better every time.

 

Panic vs. Problem-Solving, Episode 84, Season 4

Do you ever feel like you’re not in charge of your emotions, that panic is swirling within you, ready to engulf you in a tsunami of dreadful feelings? In this podcast, find out how to differentiate between facts and feelings, such that you can take charge of your emotions and take back your life the way you want it to be!

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Pearls Before Swine, Episode 83, Season 4

You give, you give, you give – while others take and take and take. How do you break this vicious cycle without becoming a selfish egomaniacal uncaring individual? In this podcast, you’ll explore how to take charge of your giving, whether that’s of love, of your talents or your time – so that you don’t end up a taker or being taken advantage of – without turning into a narcissist.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

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SHIFT!

 

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away--well, no, actually right here on Planet Earth, and not all that long ago, there was a thing called a “typewriter.” It was the precursor to our beloved computer keyboards and required no electrical energy, no wires, no plug-ins, nothing but your fingers pounding away. And there was a round key on that keyboard labeled “shift,” which a dear friend of mine made into a ring that she wears every day, to remind herself to “shift.”

As in, “shift” her energy to the positive if she finds herself veering off into the land of negative thoughts. It’s what scientists would call moving from a negativity bias to a positivity bias--a vitally important part of our continuing evolution. 

The Negativity Bias

The negativity bias is a survival mechanism. It’s the mindset we needed when we lived in caves and jungles with lions, tigers and bears about to pounce on us for their dinner. You may sometimes feel no different than our primitive ancestors, but life has changed greatly. We now depend on our ability to communicate and cooperate with each other to assure our survival as opposed to seeing mortal danger everywhere.

A survival instinct is good: you want to get out of the path of a speeding car. But the negativity bias–a tendency to see the worst in all situations and people all the time–interferes with our ability to live a full and rich life.

Make A Shift To The Positive

As much as you can, develop your positivity bias. Choose to see something good, something worthwhile, something fun, something pleasing in as many situations and people as you can. Don’t, of course, put yourself in danger, i.e. walking down dark streets at night whistling a happy tune and showing off your bling. Or crossing the street not looking both ways and texting all the while. But when it’s safe, which is most of the time, shift to the positive.

How? According to neuroscience, start by noticing when you’re letting your worry or doubt spiral into catastrophe thinking: “Chicken Little the sky is falling!” Take a breath, and deliberately shift to a more positive thought. The quickest way is usually to focus on something you’re grateful for. It doesn’t matter what: your pet, the sunshine, a nice text from a friend, whatever. Then stay with that moment of gratitude for 15 seconds or more, which will allow the positivity bias to begin to rewire your brain. That is literally what happens. What we think habitually becomes hard-wired into our brains. 

This may sound like bad news but is actually very good news. We don’t have to be locked into our misery-producing thought patterns. We can deliberately and consciously choose more positive thoughts, which in turn impacts how we feel and increases our physical well-being and longevity.

Nice payoff, wouldn’t you say?

The Lost Art of Patience, Episode 82, Season 4

Patience may be a virtue, but you have yet to find anything virtuous about what seems to you to just be a monumental waste of time. Be patient for what? Why? With whom? In this podcast, you’ll discover what patience really is, and how it can work for you in your life – without feeling like you’re wasting even a second of your precious time.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

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What, No Guarantees? Episode 81, Season 4

Ever wished life were simpler, less complicated? What happened to the ‘good old days’ when things were easy and you were just bopping along, happy? In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to a couple of easy techniques so that whatever is going on, you can find a path to the safety and security that will allow you to enjoy a happier and more successful life.

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.NoelleNelsonUp

 

Check out this latest episode!