What’s Right With This Picture?

 

Lunch at a restaurant! With a friend, live and in person! A restaurant with indoor seating, no masks required for the vaccinated. OMG, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. After the long year of home-cooking (not much variety there), take-out (fun from time to time, not all the time), and lusting in front of Food Network re-runs, the trip to the restaurant was more than a welcome event. It was Nirvana.

As my friend and I lovingly perused the menu, comparison-shopping the promised taste treats, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of the couple behind us. “They don’t have anything I want,” the woman moaned. “I thought you liked salmon,” her friend replied. “Not grilled like that, it’ll be all dry,” the woman said. “Maybe you can ask them to poach it,” her friend suggested. “Fat chance,” the woman said. “And what’s with the waiter?” she continued, “we’ve been here at least 15 minutes, and haven’t seen hide nor hair of him since he plunked the water down. Which he spilled on the table, by the way – look at that!”

No doubt the woman was correct, mostly anyway. But what a way to nuke an otherwise perfectly good experience! Instead of which, she could have simply focused on “What’s right with this picture?” It may not have changed the facts: perhaps the restaurant wouldn’t have prepared her salmon differently, and the waiter hadn’t been to their table in 15 minutes, but it certainly would have changed the woman’s experience of the facts.

Let’s see. It was a restaurant, so no food-prep to do or dishes to wash. There was an extensive menu, so lots of choices beyond the salmon. There was a person willing to wait on them. The couple was seated, together, indoors, without masks, which means . . . they could have enjoyed conversing with each other. They could have appreciated the simple fact of getting to be out in the world again, considering our past pandemic year. So much was “right” with their picture!

No matter where you’re at, no matter how you are coming out of your COVID-restricted shell, do your darndest to see “What’s right with this picture.” Your job may have suffered, you may have to adapt to new work circumstances. Your kids may be driving you bonkers with their bickering over changed school arrangements. You may be worried about what your friends will think of all this pandemic-induced weight you’ve gained or lost. You may be confused about how to resume normal family or couple or dating life, and what’s normal now anyway?

We are all in this together, more than ever. One thing I know for sure, we can all benefit from a healthy dose of “What’s right with this picture” when we look out at our changed world, our friends and co-workers, and yes, especially and even—ourselves.

 

Cool Your Jets

“To open or not to open, that is the question.” Shakespeare is probably rolling in his grave at my lamentable misuse of his famous “To be or not to be” but these days “To open or not to open” IS the question. And it is driving most of us absolutely crazy.

It was one thing to engage our patience and try to make the best of our altered way of life during the first months of the pandemic, but it’s another now that we realize that the end is not in sight and that we don’t know how much longer our patience must endure (along with no jobs, no schooling, etc.). Some of us resent masks, some of us swear by them; some think social distancing is ridiculous, others shy away from their fellow humans by far more than 6 feet. Regardless of our respective preferences, none of us are having a good time, and most of us are downright miserable.

But here’s the thing. Whether the current state of affairs has you scared to death, hopping mad, or swirling into depression, the only thing you achieve with your fear, rage or angst is potentially damaging your cardiovascular system and most certainly your immune system.

You see, our thoughts and emotions trigger certain chemicals in our brains, which then, through an intricate network of neurotransmitters, send messages to our body that impact every system in our bodies: our hormonal system, our cardiovascular system, our immune system, our gastrointestinal system and more. When our thoughts and consequent emotions are strongly negative (fear, rage, anger, despair), our bodies suffer.

What to do? Cool your jets. An expression from back in the 1970s that referred to the need for jet engines to cool off after a flight seems very appropriate today. Why? Because once you’ve taken whatever practical measures you believe are best for your health and well-being, the best thing you can do to assure your survival (mental, emotional and physical) is to let go of your negative emotions and focus on whatever is working in your life.

Easier said than done? No doubt. A fool’s errand? No. I’m not talking about burying your head in the sand and pretending all is well. It isn’t. But you can practice mindfulness (easy to do, lots of Internet help), meditation (let Google come to the rescue), whatever faith makes sense to you. You can journal or exercise, both prime ways of releasing negative emotions. Then you’ll have more head space to focus on what is working in your life, how you might make that better, what other resources or support you can explore.

Cool your jets. You’ll function better, feel better, and in the end, get through these demanding, exasperating, frustrating times better.

 

New Study: Positive Attitude About Aging Linked to Reduced Dementia Risk

Could attitude about aging play a role in whether someone falls victim to dementia? A new 2018 Health & Retirement Study published in the journal PLOS One, draws a link between positive aging beliefs and better cognitive performance even by participants who carried the gene APOE 4, which increases the chances of developing dementia.

The study shows, that no matter what our physical body tells us as we age (aches and pains, saggy skin, wrinkles), it's our brain and attitude that still holds significant power. According to the research, hose with negative beliefs about aging were twice as likely to develop dementia than those with positive beliefs (2.60 percent versus 4.61 percent) regardless of whether they had the APOE 4 gene.

How we view aging—whether positive or negative—often starts well before reach our older years. The negative social stigmas about aging are still strong, but the walls are slowing coming down. We as a society need to do more, but individually, we can also take steps to improve our age outlook.

Push Negative Thoughts Away. The study confirms what other research has found: what you think and feel has an impact on physical wellbeing. Your brain is constantly sending signals to the rest of your body. When you are experiencing positive thoughts and feelings--in particular, appreciation—studies show that the blood flow in your brain increases so it functions better—resulting in better focus, better memory and more energy.

Find Your Next Passion. You may not be able to play a hard match of singles tennis, but there is still life to live. Dial it back a notch—if you enjoy tennis, play doubles instead—or try something completely new. There are countless invigorating physical and mental activities that you can tackle that will give you fulfillment and happiness.

Stay Connected. Humans are social creatures. Get out and find those who share your interests and who are fun to be around.

Appreciate Life. As we get older, we realize how quickly time passes. Don't waste a minute. Appreciate the little things. Be grateful for what you have. You may not have reached all your goals (or hardly any), but that's okay. Appreciate what you have accomplished and set new goals.

We all will face some sort of physical limitations, financial setbacks and emotional turmoil. That's part of life. It's really up to us to determine how we live our later years--with positive determination or with pessimism.

For a copy of the study, click here.