Finding Happiness, Living Your Joy

 

So often, it seems like the world presses against us, day in day out. Work duties, family obligations, endless chores, finances, on and on. Who has time for anything as frivolous as deliberately “finding happiness”? Much less “living your joy.” Like, when? How? And why would it even matter when getting through the day in one piece seems like “joy” enough.

It matters. A lot. The science is unequivocal: happy people are healthier. Happy people cope with stress better. People who cope with stress better are more successful – mostly because their energies are less bound up in anxiety and fear. Plus, happy just feels good. Look at any toddler running around. They have a singular objective; to be as happy as possible. They don’t care what you think of it, the mess they may create, or how their bouncy, quirky selves annoy others. They are happy, and that’s reason enough for them to do whatever they are doing.

You groan. OK, fine, but what if happiness for you means traveling? To far distant lands, for example, which costs more money than you can afford, and means time off work/family/etc. which you can’t get.

Easy peasy. Use your creative brain (yes, you have one, everyone does) to come up with a way to satisfy – to some degree – your travel urge without costing you beaucoup bucks in time or money. A friend of mine, whose passionate longing to visit Japan has been squelched by work, finances, family and COVID, came up with a unique solution: he and his partner visited their town’s local “Japan town” and spent an afternoon there. They soaked up the different architecture, visited the stores with their Japanese goods, ate at a Japanese restaurant, relished the different language spoken all around them – and went home, guess what? Happy!

Did this replace my friend’s desire to visit Japan? No. But it did give him a wonderful few hours of quasi-immersion in the Japanese culture. It gave him some happiness, while he saves dollars for when the time to actually go to Japan becomes available.

Your happiness might be to become a best-selling author. Great! “But who has the time to write?” you ask. You. You have an hour, somewhere in your week, that you can devote to writing. Maybe even an hour twice a week. You can master the “4 pages a week” writing goal that another friend of mine used to eventually complete her first novel.

It really doesn’t matter what brings you happiness, you can find a way to do some portion of it, to experience the whatever it is, in some small measure, until the circumstances of your life allow you to indulge in a bigger way.

That’s what “finding happiness” is all about. “Living your joy” is the natural consequence of the deliberate cultivation, bit by bit, of what makes you happy.

Go for it! Heck, if the average toddler has nailed this, so can you.

 

The Pull of The Familiar, Episode 40

Why is it that sometimes in the best of times, you feel anxious? Like the other shoe is going to drop any minute, and sure enough, something comes along to bump you out of your happiness bubble. How unfortunate! Especially since it doesn’t need to be this way. In this podcast you’ll learn how to keep that happiness going – on and on and on! Cause, why not? You certainly deserve it.

Check out this latest episode!

The Trap of Comparison, Episode 39

It’s tempting to compare yourself to others, you know, those slimmer-richer-happier-more successful others, yet whenever you do, you end up feeling awful about yourself. Lower than an earthworm, undeserving, miserable. That’s not a way to live! And certainly not a way to achieve your unique goals. In this podcast you’ll discover how to get past the trap of comparison and actually use comparison to your advantage. Yay!

Check out this latest episode!

Everyone Has A Superpower – What’s Yours?

 

The ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound is hardly useful these days, given the wonders of CGI. And yes, invisibility might still be useful, but what if you forgot how to be visible again? Far better is to look inward for your superpower, not outward! To your truth, to what serves your life best, not to what others may think (or not think!) of it.

Mine is diligence. Dog with a bone. Tenacity. A commitment to doing the best I can, with what I’ve got, from where I am, and refusing to give up, give in or give out until I’ve accomplished that. To an outside eye, it may look like no big deal. Who cares if I don’t smile at the barista? I do. Even if I feel yucky, I do my best to smile at those I encounter. Or to others, it may look like a big deal. Like getting a book published. Or winning at ballroom dance competitions. To me, the superpower engaged is the same. What I chose to commit to, I commit to full-on. Smiles, books, awards, whatever.

Why does a superpower matter? Because if you know what yours is, you can rely on it, you can summon it up, you can count on it when all else fails you. When I’m confronted with what looks to me like an impossible task, I dig in. I ignore my inner committee’s “You can’t do that! Who do you think you are?! You’re too old! Not smart enough! Not talented enough!” etc. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. But I always get further along than I was before when I remember to summon up my diligence. Be dog. Grab bone. Hang on.

My BFF’s superpower – well, one of many – is her ability to put things in perspective. For herself, of course, but also for those she loves. For example, when I’m freaking out about something, she’ll say, “Where do you think you’ll be with that in 3 months? In a year?” and I’ll calm down. My rational brain can once more function, and off I go, looking for that bone.

What’s yours? Kindness. Responsiveness. Courage. Resilience. Flexibility. Humor. The list is endless. What matters is that you discover the superpower that supports what you want in life. That you become aware of it, use it consciously, for your good and the good of others. Dang!

Now you are a real Marvel hero/heroine, in real life, where it really counts. 

The Truth, The Whole Truth, Episode 38

Why can some people express their disappointment, frustration or even anger with a loved one so easily, and yet confrontation is something that totally makes you cringe. You can’t go on like this, bottling up all your hurt and angry feelings, but what are you to do? Tune in to this podcast to find out a remarkably easy way to confront others appropriately and without cringing!

Check out this latest episode!

You Got This!

 

My morning was supposed to be devoted to writing a report for one of the trial attorneys I consult for. The work takes concentration and focus, as my conclusions influence how the case is developed. It’s important, it matters, I need to do it well. But “life” was having none of it . . .

The dogs barked at everything – leaves falling, squirrels romping, the neighbor’s construction project. My cell dinged repeatedly with texts that needed responses, emails marked “urgent” landed non-stop in my inbox, and I couldn’t locate a document I was sure I’d saved.

Might as well give up on the day. Clearly, nothing good was going to happen.

Then about 10 minutes into my self-indulgent pity party, I realized, “Wait a minute. I had a sucky morning. OK. It happens. There’s no need to let it ruin the rest of my day.” Whereupon I parked the dogs in the side yard where I wouldn’t hear their barking as loudly, turned off my text notifications, figured no one was going to die if I didn’t answer emails immediately (I’m not a heart surgeon!), took a deep breath, re-focused and dived back into my report-writing.

We do that, you know. I do that. We don’t work out one day, or one week, and figure we’re losers, will never get in shape, game over. We eat that doughnut, that pasta, that pizza one day and figure the diet is history. We assume that a miserable morning means a miserable day or even a miserable life. We really are our own worst enemies.

So next time you find yourself slamming the door shut on your day, your diet, your exercise plan, your whatever, because some one (or two or three) things went wrong, stop. Take a deep breath – or several, as many as needed – and give yourself a reality check. The only way that one (or two or three) things that went wrong can ruin the rest of your day, diet, exercise plan, or even life, is if you let it/them. Don’t. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better than that.

Re-focus. Re-coup. And boogie forward. You got this! 

The Power of Expectation, Episode 37

Does it ever feel like you’re in a really bad movie, where no matter what you do, you end up in a sucky relationship? Over and over and over again? To where you want to give up on relationships forever. Yet you know you really want a good relationship, so what now? In this podcast, you’ll discover what’s holding you back and how to handle it so you can have that blissful relationship you dream of.

 

 

 

 

Check out this latest episode!