How to Make Holiday Magic

The holidays can sometimes feel like one long list of obligations. You have to figure out which gifts to get for whom and how much you can afford to spend. You have to write holiday cards/notes/emails at least to some people, once again figuring out what to whom.

You have to figure out which relatives/friends you have to entertain, spend time with, tolerate, try not to argue with. You have to travel at the worst possible time of year given weather, traffic jams and airport/train station chaos. You have to jam your ordinary chores in with all the not-ordinary chores such as when are you going to find all that time to go shopping? Not to mention dealing with demanding, unruly, hyper children/grandchildren all along the way . . .

Ah, the holidays! But here’s the thing: the more you come at the holidays with a “have to” “got to” approach, the more harried and stressed you will be. Instead, if you adopt a “want to” “get to” approach, everything will go much better for you.

So before you dash off into the rain/sleet/snow/traffic to do whatever it is, take a moment to sit down and reflect.

What do you want to do in terms of gift-giving? There’s a world of difference between “I want to get Aunt Julia something she’ll really enjoy” and “I have to get Aunt Julia something decent.” Which feels better?

“I want to get my 5 year old a present she’ll enjoy and I have $20 to spend on her gift,” versus “I have to somehow manage to get my 5 year old something she’ll like on just a measly $20.” Both are true statements, but one is likely to cause you anxiety and stress, the other will inspire you with positive motivation.

You can practice the “I want to” approach with anything and everything. “I have to cook” becomes “I want to make something delicious for my family.” “I have to visit 3 sets of relatives in one day” becomes “I want to spend a fun couple of hours with each set of my relatives.”

The more you practice the “I want to” technique, the easier it becomes. All of a sudden, lo and behold, the holidays become the magic they were always meant to be.

Happy Holidays!

Don't Play The Comparison Game This Thanksgiving—Be Thankful For Who You Are

With Thanksgiving, our attention turns to all those people and things for which we are grateful. A wonderful tradition, indeed. However, there’s a sneaky little devil that sometimes gets in the way of our ability to truly appreciate . . . and that is, comparison.

Uh-huh. Comparing your 10-year-old dirty car to your neighbor’s sparkly clean new one. Groan. Or your not-even-remotely-in-shape body to the ripped, buff, sleek body working out on the elliptical next to yours; you’ve barely figured out how to coordinate your arms and legs. Or comparing your toddler’s wobbly steps to your sister’s same-age toddler’s zipping around the room.

Need I go on? Take inventory sometime of just how many times a day you compare yourself or your life to someone else’s self or life, and – more importantly – find yourself wanting. You may be (unpleasantly) surprised at how often you judge yourself to be defective. Not good enough. Swift enough. Smart enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Talented enough.  Every time you ding yourself with a “less than” comparison, you hurt yourself. You send an unfortunate message to your entire being that you can’t, that you aren’t. Whatever it is, you don’t measure up. Your body and mind take that message quite literally, and with that, you make it more difficult for your body-mind to accomplish whatever it is you desire.

One of the most powerful messages you can give yourself is “I’m good enough.” Not perfect, but not deficient either. Simply good enough. Ah . . . sweet relief! Because from a position of “good enough,” you can appreciate yourself, and your life, as it is. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else to figure out if you’re good enough, you can adopt it as your basic stance. Try it! Say “I’m good enough” to yourself often as you go about your day, and you’ll feel more confidence flow through you, which in turn, allows your body-mind to function at its current best.

If you really want to rock your world, try thinking “You’re good enough” of others as well: your wobbly toddler, your husband with his affinity for clothes that never match, your whiny neighbor. “You’re good enough” takes you out of the world of comparison and negative judgment, freeing you up to enjoy and be grateful for others as they are.

Now you can truly celebrate Thanksgiving, reveling in the “good enough” in yourself, your life, and all those around you. Enjoy!